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How Would you feel if your husband did this?

Ok so in a nut shell I have been in what feels to be a very long horrible marriage, but I will dive straight into the current situation. I have had suspicions, and not out right proof that he has cheated on me, but there have been enough signs where it is obvious. Anyway, about three months ago I decided to start selling Mary Kay, and invested a good chunk of change to get started on my business, which I asked my husband, talked to him and got his OK, before making the decision . However though I was making progress I don't really know too many people and it was going a little slow. Two weeks ago my husband said that he had an interview in Nashville for bar-tending school. He went and a whole week went by. then two days before hand he informs me he signed up, behind my back. He did that because he knew I wouldn't approve. Not only that but he has temporarily screwed me over as well. How you you feel and what would you do?

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bulgerbritt

Asked by bulgerbritt at 9:42 AM on Feb. 6, 2010 in Relationships

Level 1 (-2 Credits)
Answers (11)
  • I'm not understanding how it's a bad thing, other than discourteous that he didn't discuss it with you. There is good money in bartending so maybe he's just thinking about ways to provide for the family
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 9:48 AM on Feb. 6, 2010

  • How does him going to school screw you over? Just that he isn't working now perhaps?? I think hes doing what he must to better himself. If he wants to be a bartender you shouldn't stand in his way. Just like you wanted to sell mary kay items and he didn't stand in yours.
    SalemWitchChild

    Answer by SalemWitchChild at 9:49 AM on Feb. 6, 2010

  • No wife wants her husband doing things "behind her back." One good thing to do when these kinds of things happen is simply to ask him why he felt he had to keep this from you. Then listen very carefully to how he answers you. You might even follow up with asking him other questions like whether or not he felt you wouldn't want him to go or whether he knew this was something of which you wouldn't approve. You might even ask him if this incident had anything to do with something you've done in the past that he didn't want you to do, and if this was an attempt to even the score. You know your husband and your marriage, so you will know what questions to ask. Very seldom are these isolated incidents though. They are usually the result of repeated slights and hurts that have not been dealt with. So don't assume that you know anything. Ask probing questions and try not to accuse. All you want is correct information.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 9:51 AM on Feb. 6, 2010

  • seems like this marriage is on the skids
    sati769leigh

    Answer by sati769leigh at 10:43 AM on Feb. 6, 2010

  • Getting any type of job training is good these days. There has to be more to this. Sell your mary kay at discount on Ebay.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:57 AM on Feb. 6, 2010

  • You are not allowed to sell Mary Kay on eBay, even though I have been tempted, I am a rule follower. plus if you get caught they can stop you from being being in the business. I only had weekends to do my business to start with since he works during the week. I have been dying to go back to work for a while now, and haven't been able to because child care is so expensive. It was just something I wanted to get started for me so I could have a little bit of my own money, so I could help contribute to our family, and yes to give me a break and some me time doing something I enjoy. That way he could stop rubbing my face in to everything HE pays for. As for my issues with him bar-tending, yes there is a lot in to it that they are not giving me room to write. One is he has a history of admitting to talking to other women. why would I want him to have a job on a constant party seen with a bunch of drunk women, so he can talk to more.
    bulgerbritt

    Answer by bulgerbritt at 11:24 AM on Feb. 6, 2010

  • You have a right to feel pissed and hurt--as your husband chose to do something behind your back and not discuss it with you--like he should have. (especially since his choice will have an impact on the whole family). I think you should sit him down and tell him how you feel and then try to go on from there. It sounds like there are other issues added in the mix too (possible cheating) so I would also think about wether you want to keep the marriage and make it work (if so I would strongly urge counseling) or if you want to end it. I think it is great that you are selling Mary Kay, I wish you luck with your busines!!
    I also hope all works with your marriage- good luck.

    to previous poster-- you CAN'T sell MK on ebay, when you become a consultant you are supposed to do things the Mary Kay way and follow the rules and guidelines set by Mary Kay and company.
    MizLee

    Answer by MizLee at 11:38 AM on Feb. 6, 2010

  • just as a side note - many restaurants/bars won't hire people who have been to bartending school but have no experience. Bartending school is basically a joke, much better to get on the job training so you have some experience.
    missanc

    Answer by missanc at 11:49 AM on Feb. 6, 2010

  • Honestly, he shouldn't have went behind your back. It doesn't matter if it was bartending school right next store, everything should be discussed in a marriage. I don't know where you live, but for him to sign up without informing you is wrong. Especially if it's out of town/state. I think he did the wrong thing and should've talked to you about it.

    You need to sit him down and tell him how you feel. About going behind your back, about your suspicions of cheating, etc. Let him know how you feel, how this marriage has been going for you, etc. Let him talk as well. Keep it civil and to the point.

    As far as the MaryKay business .. Have a party and invite your neighbors. That's a great way to meet your neighbors, but also it'll be great for your business.
    JazzlikeMraz

    Answer by JazzlikeMraz at 11:56 AM on Feb. 6, 2010

  • I understand about the rubbing it in your face and saying after what did you do? I would keep up with your Mary Kay even if you have to make play date parties it serves three things one you get to sell your product second mothers who need a break can get something like a facial bring their kids together play and get to know all about you and Mary Kay all at the same time. That way you get customers and make friends your kids make friends and you are still selling Mary Kay !

    pinkdragon36

    Answer by pinkdragon36 at 12:53 PM on Feb. 6, 2010

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