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What would you do?

Backstory: I was molested/raped as a child/teen by a distant family member. I have forgiven him, and we actually have a cordial relationship. I see him fairly often at get-togethers, and we are always friendly, and it's a pretty easy thing to do. He is now married and has kids and truly seems to be a different person.
But I have lots of guilty feelings when I see his wife. He was dating her when he raped me, and I often wonder if I did the right thing by never telling her. I have no interest in ruining his life, but - did I do the right thing? What if he isn't different? What would you do?

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 11:06 AM on Feb. 6, 2010 in Just for Fun

This question is closed.
Answers (6)
  • That is a hard situation to be in.
    On one hand it doesn't matter whether you made the right choice, because it's in the past. It would cause unneeded drama if you told now.
    Then on the other hand if he isn't different you could be saving his children from the same torture as he gave you.

    I personally would talk to him privately. Express how you've hoped he's changed and that he's not doing the same to his children. Express how it made you feel and that he hopes his children never have to experience that.
    JazzlikeMraz

    Answer by JazzlikeMraz at 11:20 AM on Feb. 6, 2010

  • I am gonna cut to the chase , if he did it to you and got away with it then he is GONNA DO IT AGAIN. You cannot keeep silent. do you want his children to suffer what you did?
    sati769leigh

    Answer by sati769leigh at 11:21 AM on Feb. 6, 2010

  • Hard because I have never been in that situation. I would not be cordial... Im amazed you can be. Yes she needs to know, specially if he has kids. But now it has been so many years past that for you to tell would look more like you being vindictive than being proactive.



    What was the age difference between the two of you? How old were you at the time?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:24 AM on Feb. 6, 2010

  • This is almost a mirror situation to mine. He was with someone the last time he molested me (I was 17 and he was.....24 I think) and now they're married with kids. We, too, have a "good relationship".

    How I handled the situation: told him that although he was forgiven, I'd never forget and I'd ALWAYS be on the watch. I told him he'd NEVER be anything close to alone with my child, and that if I saw/heard anything that suggested he was up to no good, I'd out him so fast his head would spin.

    Although I do TRULY believe he's different. Of course, my guy didn't get away with it fully. My parents found out, and he was VERY close to my dad. It was painful for everyone involved.
    DusterMommy

    Answer by DusterMommy at 11:29 AM on Feb. 6, 2010

  • OP: I am not sure how old he is. I think maybe 6 years older than me.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:31 AM on Feb. 6, 2010

  • THIS HAPPENED TO ME ALSO I WAS 15 AND HE WAS 32 HIS "WIFE" (YES WIFE ) JUST GAVE BIRTH TO HIS CHILD LESS THAN A YEAR AGO AND WAS PREGNANT AGAIN WITH TRIPLETS ,{ I KEPT MY MOUTH SHUT BECAUSE IT ONLY HAPPENED ONCE AND I WAS DRUNK SO HE TOOK ADVANTAGE OF ME (I BLAME IT ON MYSELF I LET MY GUARD DOWN ) I BLACKED OUT AND EVERYBODY WATCHED THEN MY SIS'S BOYFRIEND AT THE TIME PULLED HIM OFF OF ME ....I DON'T REALLY REMEMBER ALL OF IT JUST BITS AND PIECES!} WELL IM GLAD I DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING BECAUSE HIS WIFE WOULD HAVE BEEN IN A HARD PLACE ! HE LIVES OVER 2 HOURS AWAY I DONT EVEN KNOW HIS NAME OR ANYTHING SO I JUST LET IT GO !
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:01 PM on Feb. 6, 2010