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my husband was hiding porn from me for about 4 months, and i hate it when he does his own thing because he makes me feel that i can't turn him on. So he needs porn to satisfy himself . So i told him that if he could hide little things , he could hide bigger things.what should i do about it?

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pathyux

Asked by pathyux at 2:25 AM on Jun. 26, 2008 in Relationships

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Answers (11)
  • You could do one of two things with the porn. one you ask him to get rid of it and stopping it from you. two show some interest in the girls hes looking. it will surprise him. Just know that you are the one he wants. All he is doing is looking as long as he isnt touching ..no worries.Besides the bigger the deal is made the more he will do it.oh, third option, just simple tell him that you dont mind that he looks at the porn books but please just get rid of them when u are done looking at it. Thats all you ask.Besides sometimeswhen a guy looks at another woman it tends to make him appreciate the one he is with more.
    crzymomof5

    Answer by crzymomof5 at 2:54 AM on Jun. 26, 2008

  • my husband did the same thing after our daughter was pron i found it hidden and blew up on his butt lol i threw the biggest tantrum and ripped it to shreds and threw it at him i was so angry and felt betrayed lol its funny now but after u just have a baby ur thinkin what the hell i had ur baby and ur sittin there lookin at freakin porn? just talk to him about and tell him how it makes u feel betrayed and angry.or do something along the lines thats in that porno. dress up like one of the girls and show him u can be jus as freaky as the girls in the pron shocked the shit out of my man
    ShYmAmA08

    Answer by ShYmAmA08 at 6:57 AM on Jun. 26, 2008

  • I have so much to tell you my husband has been hiding this for our entire 8yr marrige I catch him often and then he says he will not do it again but always does. You are right about the trust issue it is broken but I have learned that him looking at porn does not mean he is going to cheat on you there are other warning signs for that. You do need to hold him acountable and tell him how it makes you feel when he knows it broke your heart he will take you seriously he does love you remember that. It does not think he thinks you are ugly fat or any of the other things you are thinking. It is addicting and men look at sex differently than women they get different emotional fulfillment from it than women. Do not let him look at it so he is ready to have sex with you no one deserves that kind of humiliation, do not look at it together. The longer he looks the more he compares you to them
    livinadream4

    Answer by livinadream4 at 7:41 AM on Jun. 26, 2008

  • WELL I DON'T KNOW REALLY BUT MY B/F TOLD ME THAT THE ACTION TURN HIM ON IT IS JUST NOT THE GIRLS THEM SELF IT IS WHAT THEY ARE DOING I LET MINE WATCH IT BECAUSE AT THE END HE GOING TO BE COMING TO ME AND ASKING ME FOR MY BEEP. AS LONG YOUR MATE DON'T WANT YOU TO DO ALL THEM NASTY THINGS THAT THEM GIRLS DO IN THE PORN.WATCH IT WITH HIM THAT TURN HIM MORE BECAUSE THE HOLD TIME HE IS GOING TO THINK ABOUT YOU NOT THEM GIRLS.AND IF YOUR RELATIONSHIP NEED SOME FIRE WORKS THAT IS ONE TRY IT AND SEE HOW YOU LIKE IT.SEND ME A MESSAGE AND SEE HOW IT WORKS FOR YOU.
    godsaves

    Answer by godsaves at 9:53 AM on Jun. 26, 2008

  • Porn is more addicting that any drug out there. When men look at it it releases endorphines in the brain that give them rushes. It's very hard for a man to stop a habit like that. He really has to want to. You'll have to make him want to. That comes from describing the way it makes you feel and telling him that it shouldn't be a one man show. The danger of the addiction is that with time he'll be more satisfied with self-pleasuring than with what you can do because he knows exactly what he wants to feel. Him looking at these things makes you feel small and unworthy and that's not good for your love life. God tells us it's wrong to lust for a reason. He designed a way of life that is healthy for us and people going outside the marriage for turn-ons isn't healthy.
    jackimci

    Answer by jackimci at 11:00 AM on Jun. 26, 2008

  • ill tell you what i i cause mine was hiding porn from me also. may sound stupid, but everyone i found i broke in half and threw away. now he has been letting me see what he brings in without hiing it.
    momof4boyz1girl

    Answer by momof4boyz1girl at 11:19 AM on Jun. 26, 2008

  • Men are visual creatures and for that reason many do enjoy the mental stimulation of porn. I'm not sure I'm understand the betrayal part. Did you two discuss boundaries which included him not watching sexually explicit material? I found that sharing the porn experience turned out to be of benefit to me. My guy got started watching porn but found that actually doing what he was watching was far more interesting so it decreased the porn watching. I don't mind him getting a jump start with it. I also don't judge him or chastise him for it. That only causes him to hide it. As said, if they hide that they might hide other stuff as well. I want an open line of communication, no secrets. Oh, btw he loves fishing and I don't like that addictive action either but I'd never ask him to stop it. I just go and enjoy being with him.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 12:49 PM on Jun. 26, 2008

  • if you can't beat him join him. My ex was an attic I use to take it personal than I started watching it with him while we had sex I'd make him put one in the dvd player instead of paying attention to him I would watch the movie while he pleased and teased me. He still to this day watches it on the internet. I was surprised that he got rid of him huge dvd porn collection. He's a guy and guys will be guys I guess. If you don't make a big deal of it and join him it will be more of a turn on for him. just my opinion and experience.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:59 AM on Jul. 4, 2008

  • It's rude and crude, and disrespectful. It's cheating as far as I am concerned. Men are twisted sex freaks -they need their dicks cut off. But on the lighter side - "jackimci" said it well.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:07 AM on Jul. 9, 2008

  • There is a big difference between just watching porn and being addicted. You have to determone if you think your husband is an addict.
    Addicts watch obsessively and they have to have it.
    Addicts normally lose interest in sex with their spouse, because they satisfy themselves and avoid real intimacy.
    It is a common misconception that men become porn addicts because their wife is not fullfilling them. Many wives beg their porn addicted husbands for sex but and addict prefers the porn.
    I enjoyed watching on occasion with my husband but it got to a point where he was watching all the time without me. It is very hurtful and don't let people convince yuo that you are the problem.
    A porn addiction is just like any other addiction. The addict needs help to stop and to re-build his marriage and the hurt he has caused his wife.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:07 PM on Jul. 10, 2008

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