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I feel like such a loser... when will I be loved?

I have been single for 5 months now. My friend asked me last night on FB how my dating situation was going and all I could say was... well I haven't been on a date yet if that's what you mean. He told me... you're still single then... so am I but I have dated quite a bit, just not anyone I am interested in. I feel like a loser because I haven't even been on one date or been ask to go on a date. I had texting friends that were guys and we talked for a month or so everyday... then they went away. I must be doing something wrong... I must not be good enough or have nothing good to say because they always stop talking to me. I live in a small town so I don't have many options here. The only place to socialize is the bar. Nothing good comes out of meeting someone from the bar. I just don't think there is love out there for me I guess.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 11:38 AM on Feb. 6, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (11)
  • Well first of all men are not attracted to anyone who is trying to hard. So just be yourself and don't worry about it. You could join a singles site. Just network and be yourself. I agree nothing good comes out of bars. So I'd stay away from them. I once heard the best place to meet others is at a grocery store! lol. Not sure if its true but hey if it works for someone great.
    SalemWitchChild

    Answer by SalemWitchChild at 11:43 AM on Feb. 6, 2010

  • I have to tell you right now, that I bet you are giving off this self defeating attitude in your real world life. You have go embrace being single, time to be YOU and work on yourself, have a realtionship with yourself first! after a bit you wil radiate self confidence and let me tell you , nothing attracts the good men better than woman who VALUES HERSELF
    sati769leigh

    Answer by sati769leigh at 11:43 AM on Feb. 6, 2010

  • when you love & accept yourself for who you are & stop looking for someone to validate you is when you'll find your love. May just be the love you have for yourself but as long as you are looking for someone else to make you feel important you'll always be let down whether you're in a relationship or not. A man shouldn't give you your sense of self, that should be in place long before he comes along. If you come off as needy & clingy men aren't gonna want to date you. Men like independent women who can take care of herself, not someone who needs them for everything.
    Nyx7

    Answer by Nyx7 at 11:45 AM on Feb. 6, 2010

  • Focus outward. There is no need to date at this very moment.... and 5 mo. is really not that long.

    Focus on your child. Focus on volunteering. Focus on hobbies. Focus on health. etc.

    Then... something may just come along and surprise you. And in the meantime you are becoming a GREAT you.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:50 AM on Feb. 6, 2010

  • You've only been single 5 months. 5 MONTHS! Think about that....it's really not that long.
    I'd say get your priorities sorted out. Your child comes first, then you, then everything else. I am thinking you are projecting this awful attitude in your real life and men can sense women like you a mile away..and they RUN. Nobody wants to "date" someone so negative. So knock that off!
    Allergic2Stupid

    Answer by Allergic2Stupid at 12:11 PM on Feb. 6, 2010

  • First you have to figure out who you are and then you need to love yourself for who you are. When you can love yourself for who you are then someone someday will love you. You need to not try and base your love for yourself on what others think of you. Being single isn't a bad thing. Those were some of the best days of my life. I have even better ones now, but I loved not having to check in every minute.
    coala

    Answer by coala at 12:30 PM on Feb. 6, 2010

  • OP HERE - I don't think that I am not negative... I think maybe I am too vulnerable. Guys do approach me, the problem is they stop talking to me after a while or I find the guys that only want someone to be there for a while because they are lonely. Hmmm... Maybe it isn't being negative that makes them run, maybe it's something else about me or my personality.

    Great advice ladies... thanks so much.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:30 PM on Feb. 6, 2010

  • OP HERE - I think you are all right. Even though I like to deny it even though for the most part I feel pretty confident about myself, I still have low self esteem and I guess maybe that shows though my text msgs and stuff. I want to be me but then I back off and end up trying to hard after sitting there for 15 minutes trying to think about what I should say. I guess I don't think they will like the real me because I am boring. I guess finding myself is the only way so I don't feel I have to impress anyone. I don't know... it all kinda sucks.

    Thanks again.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:39 PM on Feb. 6, 2010

  • hun you have been a single mom for only 5 months - relax...... I have been a single mom for 6 1/2 YEARS
    mommymeg03

    Answer by mommymeg03 at 1:01 PM on Feb. 6, 2010

  • You will be/feel loved when you can love yourself. Confidence is sexy. If you feel like you HAVE to be with someone then you will also most likely act that way too. Others will be able to see that about you and most likely will not want to get involved with you. I'm not suggesting you play hard to get or that you don't put yourself out there. However, you should put yourself first. Do things that are good for you and get out there doing things you love to do. Stop going to the bars to meet people. It doesn't make you feel good and you won't attract the right guy there. This will happen for you when you look at dating and relationships in a different way. Not as a HAVE to thing but as a natural part of life. Good luck.
    IzzeAddy

    Answer by IzzeAddy at 1:18 PM on Feb. 6, 2010

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