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Why is it so common for a woman to ask "What is wrong with me" if her husband/Boyfriend is cheating, being mean, or ignoring her...ect ect? Instead of asking "what could be wrong with this picture" or even "what could be wrong with him"?

It just seems like when something goes wrong women so easily blame themselves for what is going on and men are more likely to blame others for things not going well. I have done some research into this and have found that in depressed people this is the case. Women have a lot to lose if they don't have good relationships, so they blame themselves for problems. Men have lots to lose by not having things go well because it will mess of their status and their sense of power. So they will blame others or society for things failing. Do you think that all men and women who do this are depressed or do you think it is just something with our culure. It is something ingrained in us to respond to problems this way?

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Asked by IzzeAddy at 1:55 PM on Feb. 6, 2010 in Relationships

Level 9 (312 Credits)
Answers (17)
  • the nature of the species. and men generally will take advantage of that

    Answer by sati769leigh at 1:58 PM on Feb. 6, 2010

  • Oh, I am not trying to say either that women are never guilty of causing problems in their relationships. I know that there are many cases where it is something she is doing to cause more problems. And it is always good to self-reflect on what it is you are doing. Even if all you are doing is hooking up with bad guys. It is good to look at yourself and see why that is.

    Answer by IzzeAddy at 1:58 PM on Feb. 6, 2010

  • Theyre either women who are in love and want things to work.
    Or women with, I wouldnt say low self esteem but they have their guard down, and that takes a toll and makes a difference.
    Heart break teaches you to be stronger.

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:03 PM on Feb. 6, 2010

  • Women with no self worth are generally the ones that do that. Sometimes, it is them, other times, it isn't. You've got to look at the entire picture. Honestly though, it takes two to tango, no one person is ever the source of ALL of it.

    Answer by BaisMom at 2:12 PM on Feb. 6, 2010

  • Women, in general, are more likely to internalize things: "what am I doing wrong?" "how did I do this?" and so on. It is more prevalent in those with lower self esteem. Men, on the other hand, tend to externalize: "who did this to me?" "who is responsible for this?" and so on. This habit is more prevalent in the men who are, for some reason, unwilling to accept other responsibilities. I am not sure if it is society or some other cause. As baismom said, though, it takes two, and in the end, both are responsible if a relationship goes downhill, or if it starts that way when it shouldn't have started at all.

    Answer by preacherskid at 2:32 PM on Feb. 6, 2010

  • low self esteem, having parents who don't teach her that she's strong and valued

    Answer by admckenzie at 2:33 PM on Feb. 6, 2010

  • admckenzie took the words right out of my mouth!

    Answer by minimom424 at 2:50 PM on Feb. 6, 2010

  • What sati said.

    It's like how little kids will defend an abuser and actually want to spend more time with them to try to earn their love. Some people are never taught that this is not the right mentality.

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:02 PM on Feb. 6, 2010

  • My husband's ex cheated and I know a part of him blamed himself - even though I think she was messed up and was in the marriage for the wrong reasons. I don't think it is a male/female thing - I think when you are feeling hurt and betrayed by the one you share your life is, you look inward and wonder if you had done things differently, this would not have happened.

    Answer by kathyartist2007 at 3:35 PM on Feb. 6, 2010

  • I disagree with the reasoning being low self-esteem, or low self-worth. I think it falls closer to us thinking that we're all powerful and thinking we can control every or most aspects of our lives. People with low self-esteems don't feel that their worthy of faithfulness, they don't ask what they did wrong, they already know that they're not good enough for their partners.


    Answer by Anonymous at 3:38 PM on Feb. 6, 2010

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