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How can I improve my relationship with my fiance?

I've been with my fiance for 5 years now and we just now decided to get married. We've been through alot and I love him very much but our relationship isnt as strong as it used to be. We fight alot, mostly over the smallest things and its never just bickering its an all out screamfest and I hate that we're like that for our sons sake. I also feel like our sex life has gone down the drain, mainly I dont feel connected there anymore. What should I do to try and salvage what we have before we finalize our commitment and end up getting a divorce?

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krisholl2285

Asked by krisholl2285 at 3:16 AM on Feb. 7, 2010 in Relationships

Level 7 (160 Credits)
Answers (5)
  • Honestly, I would look into pre-marital counseling. It can really help you both figure out what you want out of the marriage - not just what you think you want or expect, but stuff that's deep down and that you might not even think about, or that you take for granted and think the other person does, too.

    It can help you work out more healthy ways to disagree with each other, too.

    good luck!
    sailorwifenmom

    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 4:22 AM on Feb. 7, 2010

  • be the bigger person and let go of the smaller things u fight about. just learn to bite ur tongue. if u feel u must bring up a point dont do it immediately, give yourself time to cool off before discussing it. and always speak in a positive non accusing manner.
    and try to do something extra special for him every once in a while. he should come around in a bit.
    and of course counselling would help a lot..
    happymum2010

    Answer by happymum2010 at 5:43 AM on Feb. 7, 2010

  • Don't learn to bite your tongue. Things will build up until you one day snap! I would say counseling too. And get back that sex life of all things, it'll help everyone be more calm and happy and connected... spice it up.. dress up ... try new things? Try talking to him and try acting like a wife and husband before your actually able to commit. Honestly i think some bickering and fighting is healthy so depending on what it is and how you guys resolve it and get over it will determine whether you should be together or not. Thanks for being smart enough to think about this stuff before making a commitment. I hate those stupid women that marry a idiot and complain about him before their even married and then get divorced months later.
    Jan0609momma

    Answer by Jan0609momma at 8:30 AM on Feb. 7, 2010

  • be the bigger person and let go of the smaller things u fight about. just learn to bite ur tongue. if u feel u must bring up a point dont do it immediately, give yourself time to cool off before discussing it. and always speak in a positive non accusing manner.
    and try to do something extra special for him every once in a while. he should come around in a bit.
    and of course counselling would help a lot..
    ----------
    This person has it right. You both need to learn to let things go in a marriage or you're destined for a lifetime of bickering over stupid stuff. Sometimes, it's just worth it to step back, take a breath, and ask yourself "Is is really that important to make a point over this?"
    Allergic2Stupid

    Answer by Allergic2Stupid at 9:16 AM on Feb. 7, 2010

  • Well, with the fighting, you need to find a compromise between two suggestions given by pp: bite your tongue and bring up what bothers you. I know, it sounds contradictory, but trust me, you can do it. When my SO says or does something that annoys, irritates or just outright pisses me off, if I am too emotional to sit down and calmly discuss it with him, I bite my tongue. Not forever, just until I calm down enough to be able to discuss it with him instead of scream at him or say something hurtful. Then, when I am calm (or if I am calm when it happens), I sit down and tell him, "Listen, you said this/did that/this situation came up, and it annoys/irritates/makes me mad/hurts/scares me, and this is why." Learn to let go of little things that don't matter (ask yourself if this will be an issue in a week, or a yr, or 10 yrs?). As for sex, for a connection, try romance: candles, massage, sexy lingerie, sexy music, things like that.
    tropicalmama

    Answer by tropicalmama at 11:55 AM on Feb. 7, 2010

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