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how can i make my husband grow up !! ugh and treat me equal!

i have been with the father of my daughter who is 17 months old since since mid 2007 and we just got married in aug so its been like 6 months and we fight so much i am still breast feeding and i cant work because there is no one to watch our daughter and we cant afford gay care she he makes the money he lets me get stuff if i want but he spend the money however on stupid stuff i bye always wanna get stuff to improve our home like a new stove we needed he however goes to the bar and spends 200 bucks !!! thats most of the check !! i woulld blow it off but then the next day ill ask to go out and he always says well be back soon befor our baby gets mad and wants u and tell him ur her fatger u can take care of her to but he always says well she wants u ur breast feeding there is so much i dont think i can tell it all and i am half asleep writing this some one please GIVE ME SOME HELP!!

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Asked by stelucburt at 6:03 AM on Feb. 7, 2010 in Relationships

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Answers (9)
  • Just leave her with him, what the hell is going to do...nothing he needs to suck it up and be a parent, also why are you allowing him to go to the bars? He is married with a child time to stop boozing it up and take care of his family.

    Answer by truealaskanmom at 6:08 AM on Feb. 7, 2010

  • The money he makes is not his money. You are married and it's the family's money. The two of you need to sit down and make a budget. Write down what bills you have every month and how much you spend on gas and food and supplies. Then decide what you want to do with what's left. A certain amount could be put in the bank for emergencies like car repairs and for things for your home like a stove. You should have money for yourself and the baby for clothing and personal spending.

    Don't blame breastfeeding. You would have to take care of her and couldn't afford day care. Having a negative attitude and blaming your daughter is going to make you more unhappy. Try to enjoy breastfeeding and how lucky you are to be able to be with your daughter.

    If you can't work out a budget and he won't stop going to bars then you need counseling or you are probably headed for divorce.


    Answer by Gailll at 8:02 AM on Feb. 7, 2010

  • I suggest as long as your not working don't spend money on things you can live without.. you & your hubby set a limit of what you & him can spend without talking to each other first. stick to the limit of what you agree on.. Also about him not helping just talk to him & tell him you really need his help & the baby needs to bond with him to.. heres at site on breastfeeding..
    also a site on getting hubby to help- › Parenting › Relationships › Staying Close

    Answer by maiahlynn at 8:04 AM on Feb. 7, 2010

  • 200 in a bar ? ok I would ask him if he was buying drinks for everyone.. If him even going to the bar bothers you say something,, I do also suggest counseling.. Again set that limit & both agree to stick to it.. do you want to work? if so my state IL has a program that helps pay for daycare action for children.. maybe your state has one.. I would be happy if I could stay home with my kids.

    Answer by maiahlynn at 8:10 AM on Feb. 7, 2010

  • Honestly, if you can trust him just leave her alone with him. At 17 months the baby should barley be on the boob. She should be eating table food by now and he has responsibility to take care of her. Stand up for yourself

    Answer by Jan0609momma at 8:24 AM on Feb. 7, 2010

  • I didn't notice that your baby is 17 mo. I have a 16 mo grandson who is breastfeeding and his mother went back to work full time a few months ago with no problems. My son and I take care of him, I have him about every other day. She has never pumped. He sleeps with them and nurses a lot at night. He just finds it on his own and she doesn't even really wake up.

    My grandson does well because his father and I have always played a big role in his life and care. I was a single mom with no family and no help and I know how hard that is.

    Your toddler doesn't want to be away from you for many reasons. It sounds like you have been the only care taker in her life. If you go back to work you could find someone to care for your child in her home that has few kids that she can form a relationship with. Day care centers are the worst.

    Answer by Gailll at 8:59 AM on Feb. 7, 2010

  • You both need to do a lot of growing up.

    Answer by Allergic2Stupid at 9:05 AM on Feb. 7, 2010

  • Money... make a budget so that each of you have a specific amount you can spend on "whatever stuff". When an appliance is needing replaced, it should go on priority list.
    As for you leaving and him saying to be back before she needs to be fed...come on, seriously unless you want to pump it, then what can he do about that? But at 17 months, she shouldn't need it very often at all but you can always wean her if you want more time without her (mine nursed till she was a week shy of 24 months so I'm not bashing you for nursing).
    It sounds to me like both of you need to grow up and get some good financial and emotional needs communication going on.
    Being a SAHM is no excuse for not being able to make any money, there's tons of cash being made on ebay, amazon and other online used shopping sites and baby things is something most people don't use long and could sell in bulk if you don't want to spend much time on it.

    Answer by lisa_ann_p at 11:52 AM on Feb. 7, 2010

  • This is a problem I fear will always be. Women will be viewed by alot of men as the weaker sex therefore never to be viewed as an equal. It is a problem that we can better by simply raising our sons and educating them about women and telling them women are equals. Showing them we are equally capable.

    Answer by whistlemom3 at 11:06 AM on Feb. 13, 2010

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