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i hade a problem with my MIL and i felt guilty,and when we got to gether to solve the problem,,she was like screaming,shouting at me,i know she has the right to do that,but now i just wana stay away from her,so now whenever we talk see she trys to open the same problem in an indirect way to show me that i did some thing horrible,,wat should i do?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 1:15 PM on Feb. 7, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (16)
  • What did you do?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:17 PM on Feb. 7, 2010

  • what was the issue at hand? to scream and yell seems a bit extreem for a simple issue.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:17 PM on Feb. 7, 2010

  • it depends on what she is mad at you about.
    wahm_abbeyrose

    Answer by wahm_abbeyrose at 1:17 PM on Feb. 7, 2010

  • Why would you think she has the right to scream and shout at you? I'm sorry, but regardless of what you've done, she doesn't have that right. If there is a problem there is no reason you two can't discuss it calmly and quietly, like adults. I think you should just follow your instinct and stay away from her. Stop trying to talk to her and just avoid her as much as possible.
    tropicalmama

    Answer by tropicalmama at 1:18 PM on Feb. 7, 2010

  • She should not have screamed and yelled at you. It should have been dealt in an appropriate adult way, and then left alone. You should not be made to feel guilty for the rest of your life. Move on. Treat her with respect for your DH sake, don't go out of your way for her. Try to keep your distance. Good luck. I have a mean MIL, it has made life unbearable at times.
    QandA

    Answer by QandA at 1:20 PM on Feb. 7, 2010

  • tropicalmama Why would you think she has the right to scream and shout at you?


    What if she did drugs with her underaged BIL or SIL? There are some reasons for yelling and screaming to be acceptable.


     

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:22 PM on Feb. 7, 2010

  • she sounds like my mother. Don't negotiate with her. Period. Let her calls go to voicemail. Tell your husband that he needs to at least not side with her and stay out of it or he needs to put her in her place verbally by saying Leave My Wife Alone. He doesn't have to converse with her either and negotiate who's right or not if he speaks to her about it but he could easily say. Mom that discussion is closed between you and wife. Give respect to my wife or don't see her.

    I finally set boundaries w/my mom of when and where to see each other and topics we can discuss. One thing that helps is to gather in a public setting or at her house -either of those ways we're not the hosts and we can leave easily when need be -kids work, job next day, one of you has a migraine....

    You're a grownup by age. Be grownup with attitude and tend to your own family. There will ALWAYS EVERYWHERE be people who hate another. Don't feed them.
    lfl

    Answer by lfl at 1:23 PM on Feb. 7, 2010

  • Anon:22 are you the OP?

    I hope to gosh THAT is not what you did... if you are the OP.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:26 PM on Feb. 7, 2010

  • op you did drugs with underage bil sil? If that's you saying that's what happened then add staying away from them in addition to your mil.

    Do what must be done to bring up your children safely and healthy. They need adult guidance. If you need drug help get it sooner than later because sooner than you know you will blink your eyes one day and your children will be grown and likely have grown up with you.
    lfl

    Answer by lfl at 1:27 PM on Feb. 7, 2010

  • i think it depends on what you did. if you did something to disrespect her in any way, you can't expect her to stay courteous to you. if you did something that bad to put that much of a strain on your relationship, it makes us all wonder what you did. if you know she's just over-reacting, just continue living your life because you know you've done your part to make it right. but if she has a good reason to STAY mad at you, then take it. you can't just say "sorry" and it all gets better. one of the consequences of the problem you both share is that the relationship will not be the same. accept the consequences. it seems you admit some fault since you are feeling guilty. just deal with it. let her vent. when she's all vented out (which could take a good while), then work on fixing the relationship.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:28 PM on Feb. 7, 2010

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