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Adoptees are you more Comfortable

With your Birth Family or Adoptive Family

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 2:42 PM on Feb. 8, 2010 in Adoption

Answers (10)
  • Don't know my birth family. So I can only say my adoptive family.

    Answer by gdiamante at 4:16 PM on Feb. 8, 2010

  • ANON., I do so hope this question has a meaning of true sincere significance...behind it! If not I can only hope that these wonderful people whom were brought up and raised , loved, and guided by their "MOMS'& DADS'", will totally ignore this question. There is enough "INCITING' on here to last ALL of us a lifetime. ADOPTEES....'I hope you are confortable being the wonderful person you are, and I hope that WHATEVER you feel for ANYBODY in your life is GREAT! OP....I mean you no disrespect, but maybe you can explain the reasonings behind this inquiry????? Blessings, C.J.

    Answer by ceejay1 at 6:44 PM on Feb. 8, 2010

  • Ceejay--why so defensive? Why is it so taboo that adoptees may feel comfortable among those with whom they have a natural bond and genetic similarities?

    I am an adoptee and while I love my adoptive family very much, I am much more like my biological family and therefore feel more comfortable around them. Doesn't mean I love one set more than the other.

    Answer by LiliMama18 at 9:46 PM on Feb. 8, 2010

  • I grew up in an Open adoption. I can say with me I am the same with both my birth family and my adoptive family.When I am with my adoptive family I am with my family, when I am with my birth family, I consider myself to be with close friends. I guess the way I look at things is a little different because of the way I grew up. My adoptive mother and my birth mother were very close and they both told me growing up that being family wasn't about titles, it was about loving eachother.

    Answer by MiddletonFamily at 10:05 PM on Feb. 8, 2010

  • I am comfortable with both my adoptive family and my first family.

    Answer by NovemberLove at 11:32 PM on Feb. 8, 2010

  • LiliMama18, Sorry if you took this as defensive......however I am curious as to WHY you took my reply as defensive. I was trying to get the OP to clarify, as to what the 'GIST" of her question was...simply because many times, especially ANON posters, attempt to incite arguements with any and all involved with adoption, and sometimes these ANONS have no personal involvement with adoption. I FEEL too many times , that we ask people whom were adopted, to put their personal feelings on the line, this at times, is done to "place' more guilt on these people. Having said this , I am a First Mother, and have yet to be honored to meet my twin sons, since they were 3 days old. MY guess would be that they most CERTAINLY will feel MORE COMFORTABLE with their parents, and family, not me...and I would expect nothing less:) "MORE COMFORTABLE" denotes to me being less comfortable with the other, so wishing to know more behind meaning!CJ

    Answer by ceejay1 at 9:38 AM on Feb. 9, 2010

  • Middletonfamily, GOOD for you, this is at best, what it should be....lots and lots of family that loves you, PERIOD. I was very happy to read your reply, it is a case of where 'OPEN" adoption can and does work:) Blessings, C.J.

    Answer by ceejay1 at 9:41 AM on Feb. 9, 2010

  • Hi Ceejay...thanks for clarifying.
    I guess I took it as defensive because I find on cafemom or other online places that people tend to dismiss adoptees' feelings if their feelings don't represent a positive view of adoption.
    As an adoptee, I'm more than happy to put my feelings on the line and express my thoughts and experiences, especially in essentially anonymous venues like the internet.
    I think everyones experiences and insights are valuable and I guess I took your response as every adopted person out there is more comfortable in their adoptive family and couldn't possibly be as comfortable with bfamily...which is not always the case and is definitely not the case in my situation.

    Answer by LiliMama18 at 4:20 PM on Feb. 9, 2010

  • Lilamama....Your times I have a bit of trouble , relaying what I mean in a meaningful way:) Blessings, C.J.

    Answer by ceejay1 at 8:14 PM on Feb. 9, 2010

  • Without a doubt, the family I was born to be in and not the substitute family that purchased the right to parent me!

    My true family has never tried to hurt me. They have never excluded me and told me I don't belong.
    Why wouldn't I gravitate towards people that look like me act like me and love me unconditionally? When the fake Mother was mean, angry and spiteful of me because I wasn't her answer and solution to a child of her 'own' .


    Answer by adopteeme at 9:36 AM on Feb. 12, 2010

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