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How do I get my libido back?

My libido is li-gone-o! I haven't had sex with DH in almost 5 years. What's wrong with me?
I was sexually abused when I was a child, so sex was never of huge interest to me in the first place. DH is into kinky stuff and I get embarrassed to play the roles he wants me to play.
I'm afraid he's going to leave me if I don't start showing some interest.

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 3:48 PM on Feb. 8, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (8)
  • Try going slow with some light affection before bed. You have to start somewhere. Talk to him about your feelings while you are leaning on his shoulder. Show him you a woman with fear of being vulnerable and you want to love him and trust him so try to be real. Take time to snuggle and build trust and security. Ask him to be patient and strong for you. Eventually you will see that he doesn't want to hurt you but to have fun and please you. Tell him and let him go with you on this journey to rediscover your sensitive sexuality.

    Answer by writeon at 3:53 PM on Feb. 8, 2010

  • I agree with the PP got to take things a bit slower, and talk to him about what is holding you back. work this out as a team so that you trust him more and can be more open to eachothers ideas

    Answer by sati769leigh at 3:57 PM on Feb. 8, 2010

  • Well, first, I would just tell him you are embarassed. Let him try to put you at ease. Second, have you had any counseling for what happened when you were a child? If not, that may help too. Also, is it possible that you have some depression or something going on? Other than that, all I can suggest is to just continue trying to get into it. Try to find things he can do or you can do that will help you get into it. Hope that helps.

    Answer by tropicalmama at 3:58 PM on Feb. 8, 2010

  • If hubby likes it kinky and you were abused... I would think that is not a good match.

    Is he willing to tone it down.. to get you back into the groove? 5 yrs is a LONG time to go with out and you will probably need a little easing into it all.

    If he is unwilling to have 'regular' sex instead of kinky sex....My suggestion is to hug and kiss him and let him know that you really WANT to be intimate but you think you need to go to some counseling to work through the issues of abuse. And make sure to talk to the therapist about his desire to have it kinky.


    Answer by Anonymous at 3:58 PM on Feb. 8, 2010

  • JESUS 5 YEARS? I couldn't imagine going that long without anything... i was abused too but ended up the opposite of you... i think that if you just get into the motion of doing it again and being close to him you'll enjoy it... get some make me cum clit sensitizers from adam and eve .com its the best... good luck

    Answer by Jan0609momma at 4:00 PM on Feb. 8, 2010

  • 5 years, and you are just NOW worried about him leaving you?

    Answer by MrsLeftlane at 4:07 PM on Feb. 8, 2010

  • wow, 5 years? he's probably getting it somewhere else...if that's not a worry though, my suggestion is to masturbate, it will raise your testosterone levels, and make you want sex more and make it easier to get into the mood...

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:27 PM on Feb. 8, 2010

  • wow 5 yrs....... does he ask you to do anything w/ him ever? i mean if its been a week my husband flips out! but my husband is 24 so i don't know the age thing..... just do it ... i don;'t have the urge sometimes and i just do it and talk to him tell him how you want it and men will do whatever as long as they r getting it lol! but even if i don't want to i do it like i said then when its over w/ i am happy we did it and want more.... weird huh? lol

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:46 PM on Feb. 8, 2010

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