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Grandparents; helpful or interfering?

Are your kids' GP the type to a) spoil them and send them home, b) irritable and short with the kids, c) undermine your every effort, d) or helpful and try to enforce what you are doing?
My in-laws are kind of a combination of a, b, and d. I have only 1 case of c.
Do they favor any of them? For example the oldest one of them, or a particular family's kids over another family's?
I am just wondering.
My in-laws tend to favor their oldest (biological) grandchild.
My mother does the same thing, plus she tends to favor one of my sibling's kids as a group, AND tries to compete with the other sets GP, for example; if my siblings' in-laws get their kids something cool, my mother has to top it. (I no longer have contact with my parents, so its a mute point.)

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Asked by _Kitty_kat_ at 5:58 PM on Feb. 8, 2010 in General Parenting

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Answers (4)
  • My inlaws are spoil her rotten and undermine ME not DH but me. My mom lives a long way away so I don't know how she is, she has yet to meet my DD in person and she is 19 months old. My mom can't favor I am her only kid, my inlaws will likely favor when my SIL has kids since she is their favorite anyway.

    Answer by truealaskanmom at 6:03 PM on Feb. 8, 2010

  • I have 2 sets of inlaws. One set doesnt even acknowledge they have 3 grandkids. Then I have my current inlaws who spoil my youngest daughter a little too much. In fact my mil is a bit off her rocker because she tells my dd that she is HER child. I dont know if shes losing it mentally or what. In either case Im sure there has to be a fine line in between where there are sane grandparents. I just try to look on the bright side, atleast my dds grandparents pay attention to her. I see how bad it makes my oldest kids feel knowing their grandparents dont even bother to send them a christmas or birthday card.

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:10 PM on Feb. 8, 2010

  • My parents overindulge the kids, and that's okay with me. I strictly enforce safety (car seats, no playing with knives, etc), but otherwise, I let it go. I think it's fine. They aren't trying to hurt her, just see her light up with excitement. It drives me nuts if they let them have m&ms before lunch, but we only get to visit once every other month, so I say nothing. My husband's dad is perfect. Loves those girls like his own, but respects boundaries. My husband's mom (they're divorced) ignores us, doesn't follow safety rules, and doesn't seem to care about them other than as her status symbol as a grandma. My husband has chosen to limit the girls time with her, because they have been hurt in her care.

    Answer by whiteroses82 at 9:14 PM on Feb. 8, 2010

  • Our parents (now only moms) pretty much ignore the kids unless we push the envelope. My mom acts like the worlds greatest grandma but won't even take the older ones anywhere. I'm an only so I've got the only grands for her.

    MIL is nearly 80 and acts 100. She will come over for dinner on occasion but that's about it. She used to favor her 2nd daughter's kids until mine were born, but her other grandchildren are 9-13 yrs older than mine and live 6000 miles away. She doesn't really know them and doesn't much seem to care.

    Answer by balagan_imma at 9:57 PM on Feb. 8, 2010

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