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Anyone suffering from herpes?

I recenlty was diagnosed with genital herpes and am having a tough time making peace with it. After my daughter's father left me I was in a physical relationship with a man I really cared about, but since he heard the diagnosis he won't return my calls or texts. I'm over him, but I was wondering how any of you dealt with having a "social disease" while also trying to have a relationship with a man. When did you tell him? How did he react? Are you still together? I'm only 23 years old and would love to one day be married, but I feel like no man will ever want to be with a single mom with herpes. Please don't judge, I realize I made dumb decisions and I'm just wondering how your experiences with herpes have been.

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Asked by Anonymous at 8:25 PM on Feb. 8, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (10)
  • My MIL has it but, she was with a nasty guy. She takes Valtrex and I think her doc said that after taking it for a year consistently it should go into remission. Just don't have a sexual relationship with anyone until you know them and they you have that so, they can decide for themselves if they want to risk it. My MIL has had it for about two years and she hasn't had an outbreak in a long time. Good Luck.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:13 PM on Feb. 8, 2010

  • Maybe you should try a support group. Ask your doctor if there are any in your area for herpes patients. I'm sure another guy with herpes wouldn't mind dating you. Somewhere there's a guy or two that made bad choices and regrets it just like you.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:19 PM on Feb. 8, 2010

  • You don't have to make a "bad choice" to get herpes. 1 in 4 people have it. People don't always know they have it and accidentally pass it on, so let people make you feel bad. Take your medication, find a group to talk to, and make your peace with it before you start to date again. When you start dating make sure you let them know before you do anything sexual. Plenty of relationships have gotten past a person having herpes. Find out as much about herpes as you possibly can.
    Good luck!

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:37 PM on Feb. 8, 2010

  • Oops I meant DON'T let people make you feel bad!

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:51 PM on Feb. 8, 2010

  • Why would she feel bad? Why does it matter if it was a "bad choice" or a good choice? We are all human and we make good or bad choices every day. She didn't ask us if it was a good choice or not. She wants to know how she can continue to date. Gosh! Some people just pick at every little thing you say on here. I thought Anon 10:19 gave a good answer. Support groups is a great idea! Try focusing on the GOOD IDEA she gave!

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:58 PM on Feb. 8, 2010

  • I'm anon 10:19
    I really did not mean anything by saying bad choice. I just wanted her to know that someone else feels like her too. She is not alone. She said that she "realize she made dumb decisions." Somebody else feels that way too. That is all I ment by it. I really hope it helps the OP>

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:03 PM on Feb. 8, 2010

  • i have had it for about 3 1/2 yrs now...ever since i was 22, and i had a 6 yr old...i was a newly divorced single mother and got it from the 2nd guy i was ever with...but i soon found a wonderful guy that didnt care...we're going on 3 yrs stron and have a new baby together...i spent several nights at his house before actually sleeping with him...finally, one time we were almost there and i stopped him. he asked me why i kept turning him down. i sarted crying and told him that my ex (who he knew) gave me herpes...he said "that's all you had to say" and put on a condom...we used condoms for a little while, but then he told me he wanted to be with me forever no matter what, so it didnt matter anymore, so we stopped...i've only had 1 outbreak since we've been far he hasnt even gotten it...keep your chin up, any man worth having wont mind!

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:32 PM on Feb. 8, 2010

  • I am in the same boat hun. Single mom... genital herpes. It sucks, it really does. I have been through many dates where they never called me back. It is scary. I learned to wait until we were a few dates in to tell them. After they got to know me a little so they couldn't use my 'virus' as a judgement point for me. Hope this helps...

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:20 AM on Feb. 10, 2010

  • My husband and I were best friends for years. When we got together he got tested for everything. He never had an outbreak, but he took the herpes blood test. The test came out positive, and he thought it was over between us. He's a good man, but made some careless decisions when he was younger. I wish he would've been more careful, but I don't blame behavior we can't do anything about now. I opened my arms to him, and my heart, and I told him it was okay. We've been together for two years, and I'm pregnant and I just had my first outbreak. It was very minor and valtrex will ensure no problems with the delivery. I'd love that man no matter what...through the good, the bad, through sickness...and stds.
    I also have a very good friend who contracted herpes from a rapist at a very young age. She had some very bumpy relationships, and had to learn about healthy relationships. but she is very happy now with a great guy and expecting.

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:04 PM on May. 30, 2010

  • Only 1 in 5 people who have herpes ever get an outbreak My boyfriend has never had one, but once he gave it to me I sure as shit got one. We stayed together, but I have thought about what might happen if we ever broke up. Who wants a single mom with herpes? I'm only 23 too. It took a long time for me to come to terms with it, especially since it has no cure. I can never get rid of it. The medications will make the outbreak go away, but how many outbreaks you get depends. My gyno says some people never have an outbreak, some people have the first one and that's it, some people have them every few months or a few times a year, and some people have to take the meds constantly or they will constantly have an outbreak (though this is rare). You just have to see how it goes. If you want to chit chat, I'm totally down. I haven't told anybody but the boyfriend and ONE friend, so it'd prolly help me too.

    Answer by frombong2mom at 4:06 PM on Oct. 22, 2010

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