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I am my wits end with my 13 year old, everything is an argument, we have tried discussions, punishment, you name it, not sure what else to do to make him understand that it is not okay to argue over everything.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 11:34 AM on Feb. 9, 2010 in Teens (13-17)

Answers (7)
  • Pick your battles, arguing over everything is not worth the hassle. This is a phase that will eventually end, hang in there!
    older

    Answer by older at 11:36 AM on Feb. 9, 2010

  • Oh dear, I have an 18 yr old who loves to throw the F-bomb around like crazy here. He will try my last nerve. He's on the verge of moving out so I'm just biding my time here. I love him, don't get me wrong here, but I get tired of my 18 yr old lecturing ME about how to live my life when he hasn't gotten a diploma, doesn't have a full time job or car(which means rides from me on a rainy day), is always broke(except on payday from the part time job he DOES have) and snaps at his younger siblings all the time. It can be frustrating. I don't know how I survived his attitude this long.

    Hopefully as older said this phase will end. I've gotten to the point where I don't engage in heated debates with him and just walk away from him. He's persistent and will try to keep the conversation going to which i reply "i'm not going to argue" and wash dishes or leave the room.

    Good luck.
    CinderAmethyst

    Answer by CinderAmethyst at 11:39 AM on Feb. 9, 2010

  • It takes two to argue. You tell him what he needs to do. When he doesn't do it, it goes straight to disciplinary actions. Silence and steely glares work better than shouting and threats. Don't threaten stuff. DO stuff.
    Example:
    You: CLean you room.
    Him: No, I don't want to.
    You: I'm not asking.
    Him: No, you can't make me.
    You: (no more talking) Go into his room and remove favorite items.
    Pnukey

    Answer by Pnukey at 11:41 AM on Feb. 9, 2010

  • Ah, welcome to puberty.
    Remember that if it isn't worth arguing about - it is best to walk away. Turn around and walk away. Gather yourself and then go back to the issue.
    Remember not to threat without following through. Hollow threats are the worst thing to happen during puberty because they then know they can walk all over you. Just don't yell, scream, rant, and rave. Its not worth it when the issue isn't life threatening.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:09 PM on Feb. 9, 2010

  • Honey, I feel your pain!

    I've learned to just state what I want to say and walk away. If he truly wants to "debate" a topic, he must do it in a calm and respectful voice. I don't listen to him when he is ranting and raving.

    Dyndudes

    Answer by Dyndudes at 3:06 PM on Feb. 9, 2010

  • I as well am going through the same thing! She always gives me an attitude about EVERYTHING!!!! I have finally said to her that I am her mother and she needs to speak to me with respect. I have also asked if she speaks to her teachers that way? She said no! I responed with...well if you choose to speak to me this way then I choose to take back your cell phone, your tv, your ipod. The only thing that you will have is your bed and your clothes. I have even taken away the little makeup that I allow her to have. I said to her these items are things that I have allowed you to have because your behavior was wonderful. Now it is not and I am taking them away. When I feel as though you deserve them again you will get them back. It has been almost 3 weeks. I have taken them away before but gave them back way to soon. She knew I meant business when she came home from school and saw nothing in her room!!!!!
    HAR76

    Answer by HAR76 at 9:03 AM on Feb. 10, 2010

  • Until he learns to be respectful, remove everything but 7 pairs of pants, 7 shirts, 7 pairs of underwear, and 7 pairs of socks and leave him ONE pair of sneakers. Take away all gadgets and games. Leave him one pillow, his mattress, and a blanket. EVERYTHING else in his room goes in boxes, labeled, and goes into storage. He has to EARN that stuff back. One shower a day for 5 minutes-that's all he needs. No snacks. Just three square meals and a vitamin supplement. That's all he needs. It's going to feel like military school for a minute, but you will get your point across that you aren't taking any bullcrap. You are the parent. You pay the bills. You buy the clothes. You do the launry. You make the meals. You make the muthahfookin rules!

    I probably would have been WAY more respectful if my parents were as strict and weren't worried about me not liking them!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:13 AM on Feb. 10, 2010

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