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Worried and Scared, Need Advice.

I was in a relationship for almost 5 yrs (4yrs4mon) and I left last April b/c the last 9months my ex was physically abusive. I have a 3 y/o son with him. I didn't talk to him for 5 months (apr-sep 09) b/c when i left I got a permenant restraining order and fled to a shleter. The shelter was only 120days max so after my time was out I moved in my car. I eventually was able to live with a realitive in Sept. I was out of the work field since 07, and I'm only 23 so I do not have alot of experience, on top of that I live in FL. I find it hard to compete for jobs b/c even though there are alot for entry level/ no expreience necessary they want bilingual (english/spanish) people. So I am @a disadvantage.I've since tried to re-establish a relationship w/my ex but I'm still not completely comfortale. he pays for the entire daycare fee $75/wk thats it. Since taxes are coming up I've found out that my realitive has been going to my ex

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 1:44 PM on Feb. 9, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (14)
  • putting pressure on him for him to move my son and I in to an apt, so she can move someone else in the room we use. There is no way I'm going to let him do that. And then risk being by myself vulnerable with his money using it to get the apt. That gives him total control over my life again. I nevr revoked the restrraining order b/c I'm still scared. I've just fortunate enoug to have people around me when he come around. But I'm terrified to move by myself, especially if he's going to feel like he's entitled to it since he paid. IDK what to do. I know that I no longer qualify fo a Domestic Violence shelter, the last abuse incident has to be within 30days before you plan to move there. The homeless shelter has a waiting list which I'm going to sign up for. But I'm afraid of what will happen, between the new person moves in and before I get into the homeless shelter. My car transmission went bad back in sept so can't go back
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:45 PM on Feb. 9, 2010

  • to living in it. I'm so afraid. No matter how homeless I become. I can never muster up the courage to go back to being beat,slapped, pushed, and punched around. I just can't muster up the courage to do it, even if it means thats the only way I'd have a roof over my son and I's head or food in our mouths.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:45 PM on Feb. 9, 2010

  • Have you tried govt housing? It would give you independence. I live in FL and they have great day care assistance. The shelter should have given you all this information. Homeless people are at the top of the list for housing. They should have gotten you a place to live, too. You can work for temp agencies until you find something you like. They train you if you need help with skills. I'd check into returning to school and work toward a career. It's not only education but grant money can help you get your car fixed. Try seeing if your community has a Displaced Homemakers program. They help with lots of things like gas money and getting vehicles repaired. Just keep asking questions. I'd be calling the shelter and pestering them for resources and guidance where to go. They know this stuff and if they don't they can tell you who does. Good luck. I did it so you can do this too
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:53 PM on Feb. 9, 2010

  • Cant you qualify for housing through the state for you and your son?
    Fallon_Long

    Answer by Fallon_Long at 1:53 PM on Feb. 9, 2010

  • you're a very brave woman...you're much stronger than you probably realize...if you were near me, i'd let you stay with me, but im sure you're not because it is easy to find emergency housing in my area...have you tried going to your local department of child and family services? they should be able to help find you a place...or try the family support services at a nearby school, they should atleast be able to point you in the right direction...good luck mama!
    LoriaAnn

    Answer by LoriaAnn at 1:56 PM on Feb. 9, 2010

  • You need to use your resourses. Go get on food stamps, get help with housing and medical for you and your child. Get on welfare. Get all of it. If you have a community college near by go there and file for grants. You more than qualify being a parent with no income. The college will take care of your baby while you are in class. Don't be scared to get out there. Make sure to keep in touch with your police dept and keeep him away from you. Let the shelter know what is going on at all times. Use the legal aide that is offered to you to make sure he doesn't take advantage of your. Just because he gave you money does not give him the right to make you do anything at all. Don't fall for the "I gave you money for this or that and you HAVE to do whatever I say" That is crap. Keep us informed. Get all the help that you can get through the state and go to the community college. ALL ASAP
    pnwmom

    Answer by pnwmom at 1:58 PM on Feb. 9, 2010

  • Do you have any family anywhere? An aunt, a cousin, or a friend, perhaps across the country somewhere? I would contact them and get as far away from this dude as I could possibly get. I would get on my hands and knees and beg for help to get a new start in life in order to insure that I didn't have to live like this for the rest of it. Many churches keep lists of families who have extra rooms in their homes and who will allow people like you to live in them for free if those people are serious about starting over and making a better life for themselves. Some even have apartments in their homes. I would make phone calls to them if I didn't have any family at all to whom I could turn. You need to be determined to learn from this experience and never to repeat it. There are those people in this world who will delight in helping you, but you will have to be the one who seeks them out. They don't know where to find you.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:30 PM on Feb. 9, 2010

  • Housing (which is the projects) and section 8 (which is subsidized housing) are both closed. They aren't even taking names for a waiting list. I've tried looking in my Tri county area (dade,broward,palm beach counties). I live in dade. The women's shelter usually have section8 vouchers but when I was there they didn't. They have programs that help you get your own place downpayment, security, utlility deposits but in order to qualify you have to have a job. DCF/welfare also has a transition progrm but you have to show that you are working. I am enrolled in school, I'm taking up medical coding and billig/medical transcription but I don't graduate until March. The women's shelter I was at gave me a number to the homelss hotline and told me to makesure I get on the list or try to go to a realatives house and that was all they could do for me b/c I have no income. I applied for child support in Aug and was told it can take up to 9
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:41 PM on Feb. 9, 2010

  • months, I'm on month 6 of waiting. I'm sending out hundreds of resumes with no esponse and now I really feel things getting tight. I don't want to be forced back into financial iindependence from him. People might see it as free money, but I'm not taking money from him for a place, in FL its expensive and thats alot of money, to take and for me to think everythign would be friendly, I'd be naive to think that it'll be all from the heart. I guess the realitive doesn't see it that way since she's making plans for me with him and his money. I feel like Cruella Deville or somebody since I seem to be the only person that has a problem with him. Everyone is back friendly with him like nothing ever happen and they don't know how much abuse took place, they know of 2 incidents but I shouldnt have to be detailed about what went on. The fact that it happened once was, one too many. ugh I'm so frustrated.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:41 PM on Feb. 9, 2010

  • The one relative that I thought was helping me out is the one making plans for for my ex to get an apt for my son and I, in which she still has not told me about. He actually slipped up and said it b/c he was venting his frustrations about it, b/c he was feling pressured to do it asap, from her. I don't have anywhere else to turn. My mom lives with her husband but he has 3kids and one has 1 child, another 1 has 4kids&a wife so there is no space for me,and my mom moved into his house so she can't put up a fight about us staying there, b/c we have no rights to be there. I tried to ask her to help me w/a low income apt. but she said she couldn't do it etween her credit card bills and the car she co-signed on for 1of her husbands kids, who's been late on payments since she got the car in 07 her credit is messed up and she can't help. No one is thriving in this economy my relative was nice enough to take my son&I in but no one
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:50 PM on Feb. 9, 2010

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