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Lost Parent

I was pondering ways to get my 12 yr old daughter to be more grateful and less ignorant to her family and those around her at school. She gets in a fit when she is told to do something,and she often feels like we are attacking her. She forgets that her dad and I are the parents and that she needs to do as she is told and that she needs to be grateful. Now I take her to the store and I do talk to her one on one and tell her all the time what we expect out of her and let her know that her good behavior gets wonder blessings like hanging with friends etc etc. She doesnt seem to know how to talk to adults,but I was thinking maybe if she sat in a cell for a few and had a talk with an officer that could tell her, her decisions could land her in jail someday and that she needs to be respectful and stop fighting her parents and teachers. She is a bright child and well loved in school and at home I NEED HELP!

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 3:50 PM on Feb. 9, 2010 in General Parenting

Answers (6)
  • I would start giving her tons of jobs to do... Make her appreciate having the roof over her head. If she doesn't want to do the jobs, then she loses everything she loves until she can show that she wants to comply. I wouldn't go the police route. They can't get involved with your situation unless she's broken the law.... I really think if you stay on top of her with chores that she will lose the attitude. It's worked with our 13 yr old son, you just have to be strong and consistent.. GL
    MrsLeftlane

    Answer by MrsLeftlane at 3:54 PM on Feb. 9, 2010

  • Keep her busy. Take her to a food bank to volunteer. 12 is a great age. Its an eye opener! Maybe you can spark up a conversation with a permanent volunteer leader about how other kids are unfortunate. You know, it would be great for another person to explain to your dd that people have less than others. It will back you up.

    I have a dry erase chart on my fridge. I keep an eye on it everyday and I share with my dd what event will be happening. Its a great way of getting her to behave and to visualize her/our plans. Its a communication tool that I like to use. You can even write stuff down about her misbehaving. I would recommend keeping it positive though.
    3gigglemonsters

    Answer by 3gigglemonsters at 4:11 PM on Feb. 9, 2010

  • Sat in a cell for WHAT? So far she sounds like a 12 year old girl, not a criminal. I think you should take the advice of the above posters and not try to use the police for something they have no right or power to be involved in.

    If she commits a crime, THEN the police come into the picture. And if where you live is anything like where I work, we don't put 12 year old little girls in handcuffs let alone holding cells. It's hard but it's up to you as her parents to keep dealing with her and teach her right from wrong....she sounds normal, hormonal and pre-teen to me, that's all.
    Allergic2Stupid

    Answer by Allergic2Stupid at 8:38 PM on Feb. 9, 2010

  • Keep her occupied. Lots of activities and chores. Make her clean up after herself, do all her own laundry and stuff, make her own food, etc Let her see just how much her parents do for her.
    BaisMom

    Answer by BaisMom at 8:42 PM on Feb. 9, 2010

  • Oh, 12...what a rotten age. I have a 13 year old son, welcome to the teens. One day a couple years ago I woke up and my bright loving child had turned exorcist on me. I can tell you one thing,,,no matter what you do, they'll think you're attacking them and life is never ever fair in their eyes. Make rules and stick to them...and sometimes the rules have to be pretty spelled out. I was having an issue with my son using inappropriate language in front of the smaller kids...not swearing, but some sexual sayings that he had picked up at school. Simple saying "stop talking like that" didnt work. I had to spell it out: "you are not allowed to talk to your brothers about anything concerning ANYTHING sexual....no swearing....no talking about periods or private parts" Then devise a consequence and stick to it. Also, when he sasses me or my DH theres a consequence. And if the first consequence doesnt work, it gets doubled...cont.
    Tarinia

    Answer by Tarinia at 12:59 AM on Feb. 11, 2010

  • usually we start with a one day grounding, then move to 3 days, then a week, then 2 weeks, etc....once he was grounded for 3 weeks for sassing me or my husband repeatedly...but he finally realised that we meant business and it toned down. A lot of times its not what he says, but how he says it....and saying that I dont like his tone will often cause him to take a deep breath and start over....the one thing I do expect from my children is that they speak to me with a civil tongue in their mouths. And if you sont control it now and show them you mean business and you are the mom, its onyl going to get worse.

    And from what I hear this is just the beginning....
    Tarinia

    Answer by Tarinia at 1:02 AM on Feb. 11, 2010

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