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Has becoming a parent made you judgemental?

The more of my kids peers I know and see, the more I feel as if I am one few parents who are really raising my kids instead of letting them do what they want all the time . Some have come to my house and I feel as if I am parenting them...they have no manners, respect, or initiative and seem to have no limits at home! I am slightly old fashioned regarding behavior, even though I am pretty hip and funny, I still think that kids need to learn respect and follow rules and help out in order to earn privileges. Am I too judgemental? Are my standards too high?

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 9:18 AM on Feb. 10, 2010 in Teens (13-17)

Answers (10)
  • nah, i['m like you in my expectations with my kids and ANY child that comes into my home :)
    Zakysmommy

    Answer by Zakysmommy at 9:21 AM on Feb. 10, 2010

  • Well, I can tell you. Now that I have a child who has autism. I can look at a parent in a store, who's 5 year old is having a melt down and say to myself "maybe I dont know what is going on in that situation" "maybe that kid has more issues going on than i realize" Who am I to rush to judgment about them or their parenting.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:43 AM on Feb. 10, 2010

  • Great point Anon 9:43! I do tend to be a judgemental person and have often found myself saying "I would never..." about things I see other parents doing, but you never really know the whole story and I have now had my share of moments in the store or someplace else out in public that my kid goes a little crazy and I wish I could hide. I do think it is important to actually parent your children and to have strategies in place for discipline and dealing with problem behavior, but you also never know someone else's background- how were they raised? What things do they have to overcome in their own life to be good parents? Etc, etc. Things aren't always so black and white and I would be smart to remind myself of that at times, in the same way I would hope people would not think my DD is an unruly toddler or I am a lazy parent just because she shrieks at the top of her lungs in the library one day.
    MaryMW

    Answer by MaryMW at 10:16 AM on Feb. 10, 2010

  • YUp it sure has
    sati769leigh

    Answer by sati769leigh at 10:18 AM on Feb. 10, 2010

  • I am judgemental, not because I am a parent, but because I believe there are certain ways you should act. The world is not a "free-for-all" or "rules be damned" place. If it were, we all would be living in chaos.

    With that said, I hosted a dinner in our home for my son's basketball team last week. There were 12 boys ages 12-15. They were all very respectful and well behaved, so it appears that where I live there are a number of parents who are actually raising their children. I was pleasantly surprised!
    Dyndudes

    Answer by Dyndudes at 11:38 AM on Feb. 10, 2010

  • Are you sure you're just not really into controlling everything the people around you are doing? As long as my kids are well behaved I let them do what they want. My house is usually full of kids every weekend and every once in awhile we will have a kid that doesn't behave. I correct that immediately, but for the most part, I have learned to enjoy people (kids are people too) for who they are and what they bring to the table. Or-we've just been blessed with friends who are also well behaved and well mannered.
    jewjewbee

    Answer by jewjewbee at 11:44 AM on Feb. 10, 2010

  • I do find myself being more judgemental as my kids get older. I don't think, though, that you are alone in thinking there should be a better level of behavior expectations. I taught high school for a number of years and watched the behavior levels decrease with each year. More and more kids are being left to their own devices because of difficult choices made by their parents. When there is no adult supervision or supervision with out thought, there will be more misbehaviors. I try to look at the parent's situations and give them the benefit of the doubt, but when a child is in my home I expect respect for me, my property and my children. I also expect for them to respect themselves.
    mommalaa

    Answer by mommalaa at 12:40 PM on Feb. 10, 2010

  • I have to say that I agree with all of you moms. No, we have no idea what goes on at other peoples houses or what is going on with other peoples children. But, by the time they are teenagers things should be in place, such as manners, and attitudes and most of all respect. Not just for your belongings but for yourself. And yes, I have second guessed a parent who would allow their kid to do something I would never in a million years let mine do. But that is not my problem, I have my own kids to worry about. Don't bring my kid into your bad judgment or you get me too!! My dd is 16 and have to believe that she has heard me and her father all these years and knows what is expected of her and the people she brings in to our home. Because that is truly the only place I can "control" what happens. But , Yes, I think becoming a parent has made me more judgmental.
    wallmom1

    Answer by wallmom1 at 12:54 PM on Feb. 10, 2010

  • It is called maturing. It happens as we experience life's realities. With approx 1/2 of the children in the USA of today, born into questionable relationships, We will see more need to 'adjust' their attitude. Over many years, I witnessed a little neighbor boy raised in a liberal home with no rules of discipline. Spock Parenting? As he progressed, life became harder and harder, not only for him, but Everyone he associated with.

    Many school changes and police records later., Imprisonment became his 'mentor'. After release, his violent attacks on unsuspecting Victims, and even his own family, increased. One night the police surrounded the home. The Father, in order to protect the younger brother from violent assault, was forced to End the older son's life.

    You can not start too early, to establish the Morals required to live among society..
    The Reality of Society, is a very harsh teacher..
    Blogengeezer

    Answer by Blogengeezer at 5:14 PM on Feb. 10, 2010

  • I am not judgmental what works for one family may not work for another. I am a mom of four children 19, 17, twins 5 and I have rules, standards on what is expected of my children. However, just because I parent one way does not make the other parent a bad parent. Before I had children, I was very judgmental I remember once at the market watching this child have a full temper tantrum. I was thinking to myself, if that was my child, I would leave the store my child would never behave in that manner. Now that I am a parent and see a child having a temper tantrum I just think to myself I am so happy those days are over with!!
    mommiedear

    Answer by mommiedear at 2:46 PM on Feb. 11, 2010

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