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Is it normal to hate her so much?

Me and my mother don't get along. First off she has my oldest son due to problems with his father. I am married with kids that live with me. Though I get my son when ever I want. But while all my friend want me and my husband to go out and join them for adult nights out.. I ask my mother to watch the kids and she always says NO. She never takes them for weekends or spends more than maybe an hour a month with them if that. Its so bad my youngest son doesn't even know her because she is never around. There are times I just need a break and I can't depend on anyone to help while I watch my friends parents watch the kids or take them over night to spend time with them... what is wrong with my mother ? Don't all grandparents want to spend time with their grandchildren? all she does is buy them things and say its from Grandma!

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 9:32 AM on Feb. 10, 2010 in General Parenting

This question is closed.
Answers (104)
  • OP---just give up on this question, because you're mostly getting answers from people who only read the actual question and haven't read the responses, so they don't know the whole story....nor do they care because they all think they're perfect. I completely understand what you're saying. My parents don't see my daughter very much, but they live in Florida and I live in PA...........so we really can't help that. However, my in-laws take my daughter almost every Friday night. They come over early Friday evening and pick her up and she spends the night and they spend most of Saturday with her. It isn't as a favor to me, it's because THEY WANT to. I don't think it's too much to expect a grandparent to want to see their grandchildren and spend time with them. It is NOT spoiled or selfish to NEED a break sometimes, and these "women" who are saying it is are just being ridiculous and are probably bitter because they CONT.
    BridgetC140

    Answer by BridgetC140 at 2:26 PM on Feb. 10, 2010

  • maybe she just doesn't want to bail you out. and if you have your son whenever you want why isn't he with you all the time?

    Why not invite her to dinner to spend time with your entire family and not just when its convenient for you.

    you should be kissing her butt for taking care of your first son. you sound very ungrateful.
    Christina2135

    Answer by Christina2135 at 9:45 AM on Feb. 10, 2010

  • My parents are wonderful, but they are not the watch your kids type at all. They raised their kids and now its my turn. If I want to go out, I get a sitter. It seems like you are mad at your Mom for not wanting to do things FOR you. You are an adult now and should not expect your parents to do for you. If other grandparents do, that is great- but it should not be a reason for you to dislike your own Mother.
    soyousay

    Answer by soyousay at 9:50 AM on Feb. 10, 2010

  • I can see it from both sides.I have simillaraties, as far as my kids not seeing their grandparents, Nearly as much as they should.I think it's REALLY sad.But I understand your mom having your oldest son must be allot on her as well, and for her own reasons mabee can't handle more.It could be worse, beleive me.'
    Stefono

    Answer by Stefono at 9:50 AM on Feb. 10, 2010

  • is ur huspand ur living with the boys father?if not then how come he is living with ur mom due to him and his fathers problems? i have this same sistuation with my mother in law me and hubby have a 1 and half yr old and hubby has a now 17yr old. his son lived with us fulltime up until noveber then moved to his moms.but anyway mil would never come to visit of pay attention to the baby and told us to sell all her toys. it could be she feels to bad for the oldest and dont want u and hubs going out and having fun
    angelairelan

    Answer by angelairelan at 9:52 AM on Feb. 10, 2010

  • how about being grateful that she has your oldest full time. Maybe she feels like she is worn out too, and raising your child. Seriously.....
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:57 AM on Feb. 10, 2010

  • it sounds to me like you're being really demanding. like you're entitled to go out and tell your mom to watch your other kids.

    maybe she doesn't want to - she's already taking care of your oldest. why should she have to take care of the others so you can go out and party?

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:59 AM on Feb. 10, 2010

  • I think this has more to do with your relationship with your mother than it has to do with the children. She probably feels some resentment toward you, too. Your hatred for her is not a secret. She knows. So when you ask her to watch the children for you to go out with your friends, she sees it as your just trying to use her, which only further deepens her resentment. It's not that she doesn't love the grandchildren. Nobody likes to feel that she is just a convenience to be used. If you really want to have a good relationship with your mom, it would probably be a really good idea to sit down with her and have an honest talk about all that has happened in the past and what you need to do to get past it. If you decide to do that, be prepared to hear what she has to say and be prepared to say you are sorry and ask for her forgiveness. That's not an easy thing to do. I don't think there's anything wrong with your mom.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 10:00 AM on Feb. 10, 2010

  • I think the idea of inviting her over to spend time with the grandkids is a good one... not asking her to watch them. That's something totally different. I'd say no too.

    We all wish we could go out and have fun... but with kids that's not so much of an option.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:16 AM on Feb. 10, 2010

  • When I was 19 my sons father tried to kid nap him. I am hiding him with her. We were never married and its a big custody battle that almost hospitalized me due to stress. I also didn't mention she was never that great of a mother too me. She pretty much hates me anyways. I don't know Y because I couldn't hate my children. I do want my son back but now that it has been years I have been asking for him back since I did get married. She says no. She tells me I can't handle it.. yet I have 2 kids with my husband that are more well behaved and more polite then my oldest. I am having my fourth child this month after my Tubal Ligation failed. I am frustrated because she only keeps him becuase she uses him to collect money from the state. And she likes the drama my ex's family causes everyone. As she sits home and tracts his jail records on county sites.
    JJSJAJplus1

    Answer by JJSJAJplus1 at 10:16 AM on Feb. 10, 2010

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