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what would YOU rather have, miss birth or...

my husband is in the navy and is going back on sea duty which means home a total of 10 weeks from now till next june.. we have a one year one and want another soon, my question to you is this. would you rather have your husband home for the birth and then miss the next 6-9 months of baby's life or miss the birth and be home when baby is just a couple months old... has anyone experinced this..i know i should wait till he's home for good but my daughter would be close to 4 when he goes back to shore duty.

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melis1029

Asked by melis1029 at 1:04 PM on Feb. 10, 2010 in Pregnancy

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Answers (12)
  • I would rather wait till he is on shore leave.
    Raeann11

    Answer by Raeann11 at 1:08 PM on Feb. 10, 2010

  • I would want him to be active in my daughters life so she's not scared of him when he comes back. Do you have a close relative that can be in the delivery room with you, like your mom? I just think for his bonding with the baby it would be better if he came back when she was 2 months old.
    lowencope

    Answer by lowencope at 1:10 PM on Feb. 10, 2010

  • I got pregnant with my 2nd right before my husband left for basic and AIT for the Army. He was gone for pretty much all the pregnancy, but I was lucky and he was able to make it for the birth. I had scheduled an induction at 40 weeks (my first baby was 8.8 pounds at 37 weeks and we were afraid this one would be large too) and my husband was able to fly home in time. He stayed with us for the first 3 days and then had to go back for a month and a half longer. I've got to admit that that month and a half was REALLY long and super hectic (I had a 17 month old too) and I was sooo glad when he was finally home!
    things_not_sane

    Answer by things_not_sane at 1:10 PM on Feb. 10, 2010

  • my husband was in afghanistan for the birth of our son, and just recently got back (he was gone a year) our son is 8 months old. so he was gone most my pregnancy gone for the birth and missed alot of the "baby baby stage" it was hard but my mom was here to help. i would rather had him here for the birth but thats only cause it was our first child... just my opinion
    joycegina

    Answer by joycegina at 1:13 PM on Feb. 10, 2010

  • If my only two choices are missing birth or missing first few months of life I'd choose having him miss the birth and come home a few months later. By that time you would feel better and ready for daddy to come home.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 1:15 PM on Feb. 10, 2010

  • btw, back in the olden days dads didn't even go back in the Delivery Room. I know I didn't want anyone around me when I was working that hard. My ex-h was only there for the last child we had together and he passed out. They left me spread eagle to attend to him. damned drama king. I'd much rather have help after a few months than him being there in the D. R. with me.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 1:18 PM on Feb. 10, 2010

  • I think I would miss out on the birth rather than more time with the baby. On the other hand, my girls are 4 years apart, and I wouldn't trade that for anything. They are wonderful together and have such a great relationship. Personally, I'd wait for him to be home for good.
    AngelDawn7

    Answer by AngelDawn7 at 1:21 PM on Feb. 10, 2010

  • i am in the Navy (well just got off active duty and am now reservist) and married to a sailor as well and this was one of the concerns my husband had. I told him it doesn't make a difference. He is going to be a father for the rest of his life, so what does a few months matter? We decided we wern't going to put our family on hold in the off chance he or I might be underway/deployed. In answer to your question though, I guess I would rather him miss the pregnancy and birth and be home later. I would hope that he could witness the milestones (rolling over, crawling, etc....)

    kanakake

    Answer by kanakake at 1:22 PM on Feb. 10, 2010

  • id rather have him miss the birth and be there for the majority of the first year of the babies life. there is so much that happens that year, i cant imagine missing all that.
    erika_wright

    Answer by erika_wright at 1:41 PM on Feb. 10, 2010

  • I am not a military mom but here is my experience with childbirth...I was so ready to get the babies out that I left a voice mail on my husbands phone to come to the hospital when he can because I couldn't take it anymore and was being induced right now. For me...I would rather share the baby than the birth. I wish labor and delivery was as romanitc as implied by books but really I never cared who was there. I just wanted the baby out but the milestones with the baby where so bonding between my husband and I. Best of luck on your decision :)
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:07 PM on Feb. 10, 2010

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