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12 yr. old and make up....

OK so I have allowed my daughter to wear a small amount of eyeliner. A thin line is what I told her. I don't approve of the goth/heroin addict look that the girls seem to like these days.Well she starts out fine but over time it just keeps getting darker and darker. I have taken it from her a few times for this. I know I should probably take it a way for a while a long while. But she breaks down and tells me "Mom,please, you have no idea how important this is to me" I know all the girls where makeup at her school a lot more than what she wears. And I've explained that beauty comes from inside...but come on she's just a 12 yr. old girl trying to fit in.So how should I go about this when she continues to break this rule of ..a little eyeliner and keeps caking it on?

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Asked by flowerchid72 at 4:23 PM on Feb. 10, 2010 in Tweens (9-12)

Level 5 (83 Credits)
Answers (13)
  •'s just eyeliner. Not drugs/lying/breaking the law...etc. Let her wear the eyeliner..and, it isn't like she is wearing the whole face of make-up. I got to wear make-up early didn't hurt me. It's no different than allowing my son to grow out his hair. It's just a thing.

    Answer by BradenIsMySon at 4:26 PM on Feb. 10, 2010

  • I think 12 is OK for a little bit of makeup, especially if she is in junior high, just not caked on thick. Can you give her a little mascara instead of the heavy eyeliner? Or maybe a lipgloss too, so she doesnt feel the need to make the eyeliner so heavy? Talk to her about it, and find out why the need for it to be so thick......Maybe you can find a compromise.

    My teens are boys, so I haven't hit this quite yet, but I think I would let her put some on, but leave it home so she can't add to it later!

    Answer by christyg at 4:30 PM on Feb. 10, 2010

  • Yes but she looks like a CLOWN when she wears too much.Also I had a really bad incident with a boy "sexting" her VERY graphic and inappropriate things.I feel the way a girl looks and carries herself really affects her reputation ya know?

    Answer by flowerchid72 at 4:33 PM on Feb. 10, 2010

  • I was responding to * BradenIsMySon .And yea I do tell her to leave it at home and she just borrows it...which of course could spred pink eye and all sorts of stuff.

    Answer by flowerchid72 at 4:38 PM on Feb. 10, 2010

  • Figure out inside yourself (or with the other adults who are her guardians - your husband, a grandmother who takes care of her a lot, etc.) what you know to be appropriate. Take the long view. For instance people make such a big deal over Proms. But a Prom is no longer special if a child has been going to events like that since she was a sophomore ...

    Looking forward to things, growing old enough to have certain responsibilities and the privileges that go along with shouldering responsibilities, is a wonderful and enriching aspect of childhood. As a parent you can offer this to your child.

    Here are some examples: When you are 7 you'll be old enough to light the dinner candle/handle matches/light the fireplace.
    When you are 16 we can discuss whether you can quit going to Youth Orchestra. If you want to change to a different instrument, we can explore that together.
    13/14 for pierced ears; 15 for makeup; 16 for dating

    Answer by waldorfmom at 4:38 PM on Feb. 10, 2010

  • * waldorfmom......Beautiful answer!!!!!!!

    Answer by flowerchid72 at 4:44 PM on Feb. 10, 2010

  • Yes, she will look like a clown to you. I have seen all the girls with the heavy black liner is the new style. Let it go. My son wanted to wear some red plaid skinny girl jeans...I let him. I thought he look ridiculous, but, he and all his friends loved them. He isn't a bad kid, so, I don't sweat the small stuff.

    Now, he dresses what I consider normal. LOL Fine by me, but, I wouldn't tell him that. His hair, however, is a whole other issue. It is too long and shaggy for my tastes, but, not his and his friends. So, long it is.

    Answer by BradenIsMySon at 4:44 PM on Feb. 10, 2010

  • I think the "issue" around make-up is that it is a practice which cultivates a girl's focus on being attractive in ways she sees in the media ... it draws her sense of self toward measuring up to the imagery of women posing to attract sexual advances.

    Sure, a girl can know of such aspects of life, but when she's DOING it, it pulls her energy away from real fun based on activities rather than appearance.

    Perhaps she is just imitating her mom, which is fine. (I myself backed off of a lot of primping while my daughter was 11 to 14 because I didn't want her thinking THAT was how to be a woman. There is way too much "Barbie" influence in girls' lives already. After she had fulfilled her phase of real CHILDhood, then we started to be more fashionable together, and it was a blast!)

    It sounds like you have a good instinct for trying to keep her balanced for her age. Trust yourself.

    Answer by waldorfmom at 4:48 PM on Feb. 10, 2010

  • Lighten up! Its just make up and she's wearing it not you, its not like she's getting a tattoo or body piercing or into drugs or stealing. It just sounds like a phase and it will go away.

    Answer by Texan1993 at 6:50 PM on Feb. 10, 2010

  • personally at 12, i probably wouldn't have let her use eye liner....but i dont actually think wearing make up is the issue.

    i think her not listening to your rule and you not enforcing the rule are the problems. you need to stick by your rules. have consequences. take it away for a day the first time, if she does it again, two days, etc. or something that you think will work better. explain to her that if it is really that important to her then she needs to respect the rules that you have set for her. and if you catch her wearing more than she had on when she left the house, you should have consequences for that as well if that is one of the rules.

    Answer by aly38914290 at 7:44 PM on Feb. 10, 2010

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