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New Boyfriends staying over

Ok I have been widowes for almost 10 years, I am 36 years old, and have a 17 year old son. I lost my hubby in 9-11, I have dated very few guys since I lost my husband. I feel like the prime of my life is slipping away. I have been seeing this new guy for a the last month almost 2, my son has expressed to me several times he wants me to date and to be happy. V-day is coming up and my boyfriend is taking me to my fav restaurant, we will be out late and probably have a few drinks. We both have work the next day. He has asked me if he can spend the night. I am a little nervous I have a son at home and you know how protective sons can be of their mommys lol. We have slept together before but never at my house, especialy with my son home even if he is sleeping. I am very nervous about this any advice, and any rules to having a bf sleep over with a teen age son!!!

Answer Question
 
dDanaD74

Asked by dDanaD74 at 4:54 PM on Feb. 10, 2010 in Teens (13-17)

Level 3 (20 Credits)
Answers (19)
  • Only you know your son and how he'd react. Would it be possible to ask your son for his views on it, or let him know that your BF may spend the night so that he's not freaked out or shocked when he realizes what's going on.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:59 PM on Feb. 10, 2010

  • Talk about it with your son, see how he feels. Remember you are the adult and are allowed to do whatever makes you happy.
    truealaskanmom

    Answer by truealaskanmom at 4:59 PM on Feb. 10, 2010

  • I would have a sit down with your son and ask him how he feels about this man your dating spending the night. Im sure you and your man can keep it down LOL :~) Have fun momma :~)
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:00 PM on Feb. 10, 2010

  • Let your son meet this guy first. If your son just wakes up and there's a guy he doesn't know there, your son is most likely not going to respond very well. Let him gain his own opinion of the guy by meeting him first. Then go from there. If your son likes him and is okay with it, then go with it. Don't make your son uncomfortable for a new guy.
    JazzlikeMraz

    Answer by JazzlikeMraz at 5:01 PM on Feb. 10, 2010

  • thats a personal decision
    and you need to consider if you have sleep overs the presedint it is setting for your son - not tryin g to bash at all, just saying....
    mommymeg03

    Answer by mommymeg03 at 5:02 PM on Feb. 10, 2010

  • I agree with JazzlikeMraz... Has your son ever even met this guy? Because if he hasn't, I don't think having your son run into him at the breakfast table is going to be the best way to introduce him....I think you would be much better off letting your son spend some time with him in a more neutral setting first.
    Anouck

    Answer by Anouck at 5:05 PM on Feb. 10, 2010

  • Your son is old enough to have a relatively adult conversation about this. Sit him down and ask him what he thinks.

    Oh and the above responder who spoke of precedent? Just because mom has a boyfriend stay over does NOT mean there is a precedent set for the 17 year old son to have a girlfriend stay over. That is total BS. She is the parent, she is the ADULT, and the home rules for her are WAY different than the home rules for him.
    Allergic2Stupid

    Answer by Allergic2Stupid at 5:06 PM on Feb. 10, 2010

  • He is old enough that I think you should talk to him. It'll be a bit awkward, yes (believe me, I know...I'm staying with my parents and at 31, had to ask if my SO could stay the night while we wait to get our own place), but less awkward than your son meeting your boyfriend coming out of the bathroom or your bedroom. I would maybe start with "John and I are going out on Valentine's Day. We're going to be out pretty late. I'm thinking about letting him spend the night here so he's not driving home tired. What do you think?" That way, sex itself isn't brought into the conversation, but he gets the chance to tell you if he's not comfortable. If he's told you he wants you to date and be happy, then he'll probably be fine with it, but if he's not, then I'd consider waiting until he's 18, if possible, at which point he's off to college or at least free to move out if he doesn't like what you do.
    tropicalmama

    Answer by tropicalmama at 5:06 PM on Feb. 10, 2010

  • Is there any chance the guy can sleep on the couch? I know that is not what you have in mind, but it's an alternative. AND talk to your son about it too.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:07 PM on Feb. 10, 2010

  • Are you ok with telling your son that premarital sex is ok?
    rkoloms

    Answer by rkoloms at 5:30 PM on Feb. 10, 2010

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