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Husband on porn and dating sites

Just found out my husband has been looking at naked women on the internet. Not just once, but several times. He has now told me this has been going on for months. I also found that he had been subscribed to an online dating site. On that one, he told me that was from trying to win a free ipod. He is a smart guy and I am having trouble believing him on that. Has anyone else had this problem.

He is saying he is sorry and he seems to want to work things out.

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Asked by Anonymous at 8:42 AM on Feb. 11, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (12)
  • Maybe he should have thought about that before he tried to get sex elsewhere. JMO

    Answer by lowencope at 8:45 AM on Feb. 11, 2010

  • Is he sorry enough to close down his sites and give you free access to what he's doing at all times? Pornography is highly addictive and he may already be hooked, so even if he wants to quit, he may have difficulty doing so. There is help available from organizations run by men who have been addicted and have overcome it. I would present first to him that he give up any private time on the computer for a length of time that you set. If he goes back to it, I would present to him the offer of helping him find the help he needs. If he refuses that, then you will have to decide if you want to live with an adulterer, because that is exactly what pornography amounts to. He is lusting after women who are not his wife, and that is mental adultery.

    Answer by NannyB. at 8:48 AM on Feb. 11, 2010

  • I hate to be blunt on this one but of course he is sorry, he is sorry he got caught.. I do not know your DH, so I really don't know if he wants to work this out or not. Sounds like porn is a deal breaker for you and that's ok. You are entitled to how you feel. Only time will tell. He will either stop or hide it better. Either way, talk to him and tell him how this makes you feel, be honest. If this is the first time you caught him chances are he has been doing it for awhile. If he continues the question turns to What will you do?

    It's kinda hard to answer your question since I am not sure what that is. Hope my response covers it. There is a support group on here for wives of porn addicts, they might help you figure some things out..

    Answer by midnightmoma at 8:51 AM on Feb. 11, 2010

  • I would definately sit him down and tell him he is married and has no businees on dating sites ("free ipod " or not it is not acceptable!) and if you are bothered by his looking at porn I would let him know that too. I think it would be a good idea for him to give up computer, and for you to password protect and put filters on the computer or maybe even give up internet so he can't access stuff like that again.
    I don't know if marriage counseling is an option, but it might be something to consider.
    Good luck!!

    Answer by MizLee at 9:00 AM on Feb. 11, 2010

  • Well to me the porn would be no big deal. I could care less how many naked women my husband looks at, BUT the internet Dating site??? I think it's time for you and hub to have a big sit down about your marriage. Usually stuff like this isn't the problem, it's a symptom of something that's bigger and has been going on for a while. Before you get all pissed off, talk to him. Find out why. Find out what your marriage is lacking. Find out his needs and wants then you make sure you tell him yours.

    Answer by Zakysmommy at 9:23 AM on Feb. 11, 2010

  • Hun as horrible as it sounds, I did that to my ex husband. The reason I did it was because my husband wasn't enough and I was looking for something more. Maybe its different for you and maybe he's telling the truth, but when it comes to any sort of 'infidelity' (mental, emotional or physical) they usualy are NOT telling the truth.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:15 AM on Feb. 11, 2010

  • maybe you need to spice up your sex life. Get a hotel room, rent a porno & let loose with him.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:21 AM on Feb. 11, 2010

  • Does he play WoW, too?

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:32 AM on Feb. 11, 2010

  • I'm sorry Anon :21, but that's a lame answer. MOST of the time it has nothing to do with the spouse not doing enough in the bedroom. Men cheat on beautiful sexy outgoing women all the time. I have found that every woman has a different opinion on porn so for that I would say, whatever you feel about it is okay and it is a valid feeling that needs to be addressed. The dating site is a big huge red flag and a man will always lie about the reasons why they are doing something deceitful or hurtful. I fully agree with NannyB, midnightmoma, and MizLee completely. I do suggest, as I've been through some of this, that when you sit down to talk to him you try to do it calmly and without being accusatory. That will just set him off to be defensive and it ends up in a huge hateful fight. Tell him how it makes you feel and what you expect from him and your marriage, then let him tell you his wants and needs. Good luck.

    Answer by TarLion at 11:54 AM on Feb. 11, 2010

  • Win an ipod, lose your wife! Sounds like a great deal!

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:30 PM on Feb. 11, 2010

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