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My daughter does not have a father; and now that she is 3 and talking, she wants to know why she doesnt have a Daddy. Any advice?

I have only dated one person since she was born and it did not work out since we viewed parenting differently. I am now afraid to even date, because my daughter is getting older and I don't want to bring men around and not have them stick around. She is asking why she does not have a Daddy. Her "father" cheated on me when I was pregnant so I left him and he made it very clear that he did not want to be apart of her life. I'm going to honest and say it does hurt my feelings when she says she wants a Daddy and not her Mommy. I understand she is just a kid, I just don't know what the right thing to say is. When she asks, I just tell her how much I love her and how happy she makes me. Anyone out there have any advice?

 
Nickcole23

Asked by Nickcole23 at 2:20 PM on Feb. 11, 2010 in Preschoolers (3-4)

Level 13 (1,174 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (14)
  • Since she is 3 I would tell her that a family can be made up many different ways. Some families, like ours, have only a Mommy and no Daddy. Some families have a Daddy and no Mommy. Some famiies have both. There is no wrong way to make a family. Our family is you and me.

    I would stress to her and your family is perfectly fine and that you are a happy family. I would give more detalis as she gets older and can understand.

    Best of luck to you!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:27 PM on Feb. 11, 2010

  • Tell her that not all children have daddies. Some don't have mommies either. All families are different and special. Your family is just mommy and daughter and that's very special.

    legalmommy101

    Answer by legalmommy101 at 2:25 PM on Feb. 11, 2010

  • its not a thing she going through right now.. I'm 34 yr .. I met my real dad at 19 then never saw him again.. my stepdad was abusive.. I never had a dad & I wish I had.. for her sake contact her bio-dad & tell him sake wants/needs a dad.. until then.. maybe you have a dad or brother that can be a father figure to her. Let her know she does have a dad & if she asks where he is just say you don't know. Or you can tell her you are her mom & dad.. really though If possible put your anger towards her dad away & try to get him in the pic.. your a good mom for not bringing guys around unless they stick around..I wish my mom had done the same
    maiahlynn

    Answer by maiahlynn at 2:32 PM on Feb. 11, 2010

  • I like what legalmommy101 said!
    forevermom75

    Answer by forevermom75 at 2:47 PM on Feb. 11, 2010

  • First off don't be afraid to date. MY son was three when I left his father because of abuse. MY son was comforting me one day saying it'll be ok mommy. You don't have to bring the guys home until you know where the relationship is going. Trust me I didn't and I love my SO he was ok with that. Second Tell your daughter that your family is just MOMMY and Daughter until god has a chance to find her the perfect father.
    StefInfection

    Answer by StefInfection at 2:55 PM on Feb. 11, 2010

  • Please don't tell her that it makes you feel bad when she asks about her daddy. Every child has a right to ask that question. Children come from both a mommy and a daddy - even if they are made in a lab!

    Just give her small answers and if she is satisfied, leave it at that until she is older and asks again.

    I think you are wise to not introduce a lot of men to your daughter. It is easy for children of that age to get attached to someone and then it becomes difficult for them if your relationship doesn't last.
    fluud7

    Answer by fluud7 at 3:08 PM on Feb. 11, 2010

  • I am very new to this site and I wanted to thank everyone for their advice. It is great that there is a community out here, that I can run questions by and receive great feedback.
    Nickcole23

    Answer by Nickcole23 at 3:37 PM on Feb. 11, 2010

  • This is a cool book about different families! BOOK

    But_Mommie

    Answer by But_Mommie at 4:35 PM on Feb. 11, 2010

  • Brush it off. Not having a father is not as important as what she DOES have (a mommy that's always there and loves her, other relatives, etc). Kids that young don't need much detail. 'Why isn't your father here? Because he's somewhere else. You have your mommy here and I love you more than aaanything.' My DS is 3 and has never asked about a father, but he knows he has his mom and his grandparents, (even his paternal grandmother), loads of my own friends that spend time with him.. his teachers.. that he knows he's a lucky duck.
    ohsowonderful

    Answer by ohsowonderful at 5:26 PM on Feb. 11, 2010

  • I didn't feel lucky.. I felt empty I never told my mom that, but little kids need a dad & a mom.. Or a dad figure if dad doesn't want to around.. my ex didn't want to talk to his kids at first , but I kept allowing our daughter to call him, showing up with our daughter, & inviting him to her swim lessons.. he didn't see them for 7 months I had thought he is never going to want to see them, but he came around & now we work together for our kids.. If this can't happen for you your daughter may want to call your boyfriend dad..
    maiahlynn

    Answer by maiahlynn at 5:57 PM on Feb. 11, 2010

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