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Marriage Therapy with DH leading to him acting like the therapist

My DH and I decided to take marriage counseling to strengthen our marriage and iron out the things we still don't understand about one another that cause many of our arguments. Well, it's been 2 months of therapy, and our counselor has suggested to both of us that we don't take the others moods as personal and that no one can make us "feel" something we don't want to feel. Well, I've noticed when I ask my DH a question I'd like his opinion on, he's quick to say, "what do you want to do about it."(for example). I hate this because our talk is not friendly anymore and I'm wondering now if this is what therapy does to couples to make them less argumentative?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 5:48 PM on Feb. 11, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (8)
  • I don't think I understand exactly. You ask him an opinion and he solicits yours and you think thats acting like a therapist? Sounds like hes just trying to get to know what you want. Same as you wanting to know his thoughts. Maybe Im not understanding the whole picture. But I don't get him asking you what you think as acting like a therapist.

    SalemWitchChild

    Answer by SalemWitchChild at 5:51 PM on Feb. 11, 2010

  • I don't understand where his asking what you want to do about a thing is unfriendly? Sounds to me like he's taking your feelings and thoughts into consideration.

    Or is he snapping the question in a nasty tone? That doesn't come across in your question. If he IS being nasty...no, that's NOT what counseling does and you need a different counselor.
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 5:52 PM on Feb. 11, 2010

  • I hate that too...UGH.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:52 PM on Feb. 11, 2010

  • (op now),, what I meant to convey was that rather than him sharing his opinion with me, he reflects it back to me to get me thinking about what I should do, etc. So, if I asked how many classes he thought I should take next semester for college, he would not say what "he" thinks but rather says, "that's for you to answer, not me."
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:57 PM on Feb. 11, 2010

  • In your example, I would think that's an appropriate answer. Only you know your capabilities or limits well enough to answer that question.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:02 PM on Feb. 11, 2010

  • "he reflects it back to me to get me thinking about what I should do, etc. So, if I asked how many classes he thought I should take next semester for college, he would not say what "he" thinks but rather says, "that's for you to answer, not me."

    You may not like it...but he's RIGHT. That IS for you to answer, unless it specifically affects your schedules. Now, a better question for him might be, "I have a choice between taking Math 111 on Tuesday and Thursday evenings or Monday and Wednesday mornings, and 'm trying to figure out which will work best for us." That opens you up to discussion on the merits of the two choices.

    It's also possible it doesn't matter to him how many classes you take.
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 6:13 PM on Feb. 11, 2010

  • I think it's sort of cute. He's trying to sound like he knows how to deal with things! lol Just answer his question and tell him what you want to do about (whatever). You stay being you even though he's playing Therapist! He'll get tired of being someone else and will be back to being himself and talking
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 6:46 PM on Feb. 11, 2010

  • I would find that intensely annoying and patronizing. Try different therapy.
    Allergic2Stupid

    Answer by Allergic2Stupid at 8:48 PM on Feb. 11, 2010

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