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what do i do?...please respond.

hi.my husband and i separated for a cpl years and he had a son with someone else, and i had a daughte with someone else. the kids are 5 days apart in age. things have been good. hes an amazing dad and when we got back 2gether he said he deff wanted another child. i DEFF want another and want 1 with my husband.

2day he dopped a bomb on me and told me he doesnt want any more kids right now. i said okay what about in like 5 years...and now he says he doesnt EVER want anymore kids...he says its too much, and he doesnt have anymore love to give?!
i said you told me when we got back together that you wanted one. now you dont? and he says i changed my mind. so i keep asking what about down the road when we r more stable and at first hes like maybe ill change my mind.....and later on he changes it again and says he doenst think he will EVER change his mind....hes 22, im 24 and i get that he doesnt want one right now. but NEVER?

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 10:43 PM on Feb. 11, 2010 in Babies (0-12 months)

Answers (10)
  • Decide on what's a deal breaker for you. If you want children and he knows he doesn't then it might be best to find a man who shares your desire for children. If you love him and can give up your dream for more children then stay.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 10:47 PM on Feb. 11, 2010

  • I think you should just let it go for right now...maybe he will change his mind in a couple years or so when your other child grows up a bit.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:48 PM on Feb. 11, 2010

  • You guys are still very young. My husband wouldve never wanted a baby at 22 let alone more than 1 so give him time I'm sure he will come around in the future.
    jazzysmommy1004

    Answer by jazzysmommy1004 at 10:59 PM on Feb. 11, 2010

  • jazzmommy- i thought that as well...he is VERY young as am i, but its easier for me b.c im a woman i suppose... i think i should TRY to let it go for now and just hope he will come around... he was undecided when this discussion started tonight but hes been in and out and maybe i just kept pushing so he said he doenst think hell change his mind, but ya know, i thought about something, he changes his mind ALOT lol. so perhaps itll be fine and he did at one point say lets just talk about this in a cpl years...i think hes just a little overwhelmed due to $$$ issues?? we have been trying to make ends meet.....im just scared, and i dont want anyone but him. i mean hes sooo good to me and my daughter, he actually plays with her and loves her....her own dad hasnt seen her since xmas.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:19 PM on Feb. 11, 2010

  • Personally for me that would be a deal breaker.
    Having kids was the greatest thing I've ever done and have always wanted. If I marred DH under the impression that we would have kids, then a year/two years into it he decided he didn't want them, then I couldn't be with him. I'd want to be with someone who wanted kids with me.

    You have to decide whether you want to wait for him to change his mind for good, or if this is just something you can't accept.
    If he doesn't come around, you have to decide whether you can continue knowing you two will never have more children. That's something you'll have to decide. Don't waste your time on something/someone that's going to make you unhappy. To me it seems like you really want another child, so .. is him not wanting any a deal breaker?
    JazzlikeMraz

    Answer by JazzlikeMraz at 11:47 PM on Feb. 11, 2010

  • my dh said he didn't want any more after two...but he doesn't really like those condoms...so we are preggo with #5 now! also, there are studies that show links b/t vasectomies and prostate cancer, you could show him those if he ever decides to go the permanent route. you both are very young, and you do have lots of time...
    happy2bmom25

    Answer by happy2bmom25 at 9:36 AM on Feb. 12, 2010

  • Time to move on. Having a baby with a man that doesn't want children or wants them one day and doesn't want them the next is not a good idea.

    If you get divorced there may be problems about your child. If you were married when you had your child legally the child may be your husband's and he would have to pay child support and could get custody and you have to pay child support. Somebody would have to prove the child wasn't his and the bio father would have to pay child support and could get custody and child support from you. It could be very complicated depending what the laws are in your state.
    Gailll

    Answer by Gailll at 10:07 AM on Feb. 12, 2010

  • My husband and I both said we'd never have children, yet here we are happier than we've ever been with a baby and a preschooler. We were in our 30s before we decided to become parents. You have plenty of time to wait for him to come around.
    jls9917

    Answer by jls9917 at 1:06 AM on Feb. 13, 2010

  • yeah he came around alreayd, he talked to a cpl people and they made him realise that i just want to have a baby with HIM and he told me he was just REALLY stressed about money when he said that stuff. he apolojized ro me and told me that we could think about having another when the kids are like 5, but i have a feeling he will want one in like 3 years, but either way im glad hes such a great guy. he has his moments and im just as stressed as he is, i dont want another one RIGHT now lol and he thought i did, also....hes my HUSBAND, its not" time to move on" lol we are married for better or for worse... i dont really think divorce is something i want ever.
    and also...my husband IS considered my daughters father becuase we WERE married when i got preggo as was he when he got that girl prggo... but i could only put his name on the BC or no name, so theres so name... and my husband would NEVER take my daughter from me, hes not l
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:15 PM on Feb. 13, 2010

  • like that....and the bio father would NEVER get custody...#1 b.c he cant handle responsibility... he drinks and does drugs and only cares about himself, which is why we didnt work # 2 because he at one point left my child in the car alone at 2 months and was yelling in her face in front of my family and being very rough with her... and #3 im the better parent ive done EVERYTHING since she was born, he hasnt even bought diapers more than once ha. so thats not what this question was about, but thanks for your concern, also my husband isnt like all those other assholes out there, and i know EVERYONE says that...but im sorry they are delusional, if you knew him youd agree. thanks everyone for your help!!!!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:20 PM on Feb. 13, 2010

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