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custody question

I am fighting for sole physical and legal custody with supervised visitation for my sons father. I used to bring him over a few times a week and stayed to supervise so i am asking for the same schedule(just someone else supervising for fairness). I am doing this because my ex has really bad anger issues, so does his father who he lives with, and confided to me that he was abused by him a child. When ds was about 2-3 months old my ex told me to never leave him alone with ds again because he was afraid he would get angry and hurt him, he did this while clenching his fist and crying. Since then i have not allowed him to be alone with ds. He has never really been involved, even when living together he didnt do anything or buy anything. but now that ds is 1 1/2 years old all of a sudden he wants alone time(well his dad demanded 50 percent so not ex wants that) and i told him about his anger and he just says its different now...

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 10:56 AM on Feb. 12, 2010 in General Parenting

Answers (8)
  • What's the question?
    Gailll

    Answer by Gailll at 11:03 AM on Feb. 12, 2010

  • I would keep him away from my son. He was never there anyway so whats the difference?? If you do give him visits always have someone to watch over that little one.You never know what he is capable of and if something happens you'll blame yourslf cause he warned you in the past of his issues.
    3beautbabies

    Answer by 3beautbabies at 11:06 AM on Feb. 12, 2010

  • cont. he says now that ds is older and can tell him what he wants he wont get as mad. pure bs. along with safety issues and lack of regards to schedules this is why i want sole custody. its been over two weeks since hes seen or called to ask how ds was doing. can i use the threats of abuse in court? cant ex just deny everything though? will his lack of maintaining a relationship with ds look good for me? it saddens me because ds is afraid of his father. 99 percent of the time ds screams bloody murder and ex gets mad because according to him ds needs to get over it because hes his father. You wont believe how many times ive heard
    "its my right". he makes me SO angry. i just want ds to be safe and happy.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:07 AM on Feb. 12, 2010

  • If you have been following an agreement (verbal) for an extended period of time and he agreeed and asked for the supervision, the courts will honor that agreement. He needs to show proof of drastic change of circumstance, for the courts to agree to alter your verbal visitation agreement.
    momsbreak5654

    Answer by momsbreak5654 at 11:12 AM on Feb. 12, 2010

  • It is def. a good thing for you in courts that he has barley anything to do with him. He sounds horrible. Your sons reaction to him says it all. they say kids need a father but not one like that. Sounds like more harm then good. You could try to record his threats with a voice recorder or camcorder. It would be the best defense in court.
    3beautbabies

    Answer by 3beautbabies at 11:12 AM on Feb. 12, 2010

  • Everything depends on the state you live in. You may not even go in a courtroom since it sounds like you weren't married and aren't getting a divorce. Your county may have a system in place for custody, visitation, and support. Since you can't agree there may be home visits, psychological assessments, and all kinds of red tape. You have to pay for your part and it can be thousands of dollars. Sometimes tens of thousands of dollars if the other parent wants to keep the process and lawyer fees going long enough.

    They may put you and your lawyer and him and his laywer and the county custody and visitation person in a room early on to try to work it out to avoid all this. They may have set guidelines they want you to follow. You need to find out what goes on where you live. I would go down to the county offices and hang around and see what happens to get an idea.
    Gailll

    Answer by Gailll at 11:17 AM on Feb. 12, 2010

  • I would see if your lawyer could 'suggest' that your ex (and maybe his dad too) have anger management counseling-- and that they will not get the child alone until they can prove they are able to control their anger. I would also make sure that they sign a release of information so that your lawyer/you and the court can access the therapy notes and get progress reports/updates.
    Good luck
    MizLee

    Answer by MizLee at 11:37 AM on Feb. 12, 2010

  • you are a mother and your instincts are good do what you feel and stand behind that. to ofter people say they change and its all crap so keep your baby safe. If you feel that he will hurt him then don't leave them alone.
    jkkbmom

    Answer by jkkbmom at 5:46 PM on Feb. 12, 2010

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