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dealing with timeout troubles

I'm so confused with what to do with my 3 1/2 year old. We have a no running in the house rule and we are now enforcing all rules all the time. The adjusting is a little hard for him. Well last night I told him he needed to go to timeout for running. He started to make his way over there but then stopped to complain about aches and pains which he has started to do to get out of timeout. I ignored him which brought on a tantrum. He rolled on the floor and cried and continued with the story of back pain. I told him timeout wasn't starting until he was standing in the corner quiet and ignored him again. CONTINUED

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 11:58 AM on Feb. 12, 2010 in Preschoolers (3-4)

Answers (11)
  • He started rolling away from his timeout spot so I stuck my foot out and he rolled into it. I then scooted him towards timeout and he screamed like I was torturing him so I told him he just needed to go to bed early. He stood up and continued the blood curtling scream. I again said go to bed. He stood his ground. I walked behind him and said it again with the threat of a spanking. He took three steps and fell to the ground. I picked him up by his clothes and dropped him on his bed. I took everything from him (his blankets pillow stuffed animals... Everything) and left his night light off. When I left I turned off his light and closed the door. He screamed that it was too dark and continued with the shrill screams for a half hour.CONTINUED
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:00 PM on Feb. 12, 2010

  • When he was finally done I went in his room and turned on his nightlight. I told him he wouldn't get what he wants by screaming but now that he is quiet he can have his night light.I told him if he was good (stayed on his bed and tried to go to sleep) I would give him his blanket back. Two hours later he was still on his bed quiet so he got his blanket back. Now here is my question... How can I get him to move without me touching him? My fiance and I were both abused as children so if we get over worked up we can become abusive ourselves thus prompting us to try a hands off approch but I don't see how that can happen if he throws himelf on the ground like last night.pleas don't be judgemental. We all know how hard it is to raise a child and I am just looking for answers. We also do a sticker chart for good behavior.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:02 PM on Feb. 12, 2010

  • When he was finally done I went in his room and turned on his nightlight. I told him he wouldn't get what he wants by screaming but now that he is quiet he can have his night light.I told him if he was good (stayed on his bed and tried to go to sleep) I would give him his blanket back. Two hours later he was still on his bed quiet so he got his blanket back. Now here is my question... How can I get him to move without me touching him? My fiance and I were both abused as children so if we get over worked up we can become abusive ourselves thus prompting us to try a hands off approch but I don't see how that can happen if he throws himelf on the ground like last night.pleas don't be judgemental. We all know how hard it is to raise a child and I am just looking for answers. We also do a sticker chart for good behavior.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:02 PM on Feb. 12, 2010

  • When he was finally done I went in his room and turned on his nightlight. I told him he wouldn't get what he wants by screaming but now that he is quiet he can have his night light.I told him if he was good (stayed on his bed and tried to go to sleep) I would give him his blanket back. Two hours later he was still on his bed quiet so he got his blanket back. Now here is my question... How can I get him to move without me touching him?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:03 PM on Feb. 12, 2010

  • Sorry for the repeat posts... My computer ran into a glitch... Hhhmmm weird I'll look into it.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:06 PM on Feb. 12, 2010

  • I also use the timeout tactic but I dont think sending him to bed after the fit is what I would have done. I would have made him go to timeout. I also have some anger issues, but I know when it's ok to walk away and let them scream. I think you should try to be more consistant. Make sure he does the timeout otherwise he will know to throw a fit everytime he wants out of one, because you let him. Good luck and remember to take it one day at a time.....
    jenree33

    Answer by jenree33 at 12:27 PM on Feb. 12, 2010

  • Just a suggested perspective: think yourself back to a time (perhaps the present) when you were deeply in love with your husband, felt blissful when you were together and a little down when you were apart. Your husband was your sunshine, and your feelings were not just emotional, they were so strong that they made you physically euphoric or ache-y.

    That is how your little boy loves you. You are his sunshine, he would do anything he could to please you. He would - and has been - twisting himself up like a pretzel to maintain your positivity. But he is ONLY 3. He can't become a 7yrold the instant you impose rules for a 7yrold.Not only does he have little control over his will-impulses, but his development DEMANDS vigorous movement and free activity. You don't clamp down on activity at this age, you channel it. If you dam up the child's energy, you force an explosion over which he has no control, and which he suffers from.

    waldorfmom

    Answer by waldorfmom at 12:46 PM on Feb. 12, 2010

  • Again,recall your emotional and physical feelings when you were intensely in love: now re-play the scenes with your son, with yourself in HIS place, with your husband demanding and disciplining YOU. If you have the ability to do it, put yourself in your little baby's shoes - dealing with the disapproval, withdrawal and rejection of the one person in the world who makes the sun rise and set for him. ... dealing with that beloved person isolating him, depriving him of any comfort even when banished to his bed. (This also risks pervading bed with memories of fright and anguish, making it a much harder place to feel safe and loved, and able to relax into sleep).
    Suddenly the screams of anguish and the physical pain and powerlessness that collapse him, are understandable.

    Sorry, I've seen too much of this parenting-style. Forcing a child to capitulate has no up-side. There's nothing good about a person with a broken spirit.
    waldorfmom

    Answer by waldorfmom at 1:03 PM on Feb. 12, 2010

  • I feel urgent about making this clear - many of my co-workers have chosen the path of punishing, of forcing submission (they call it "obedience"), and I have seen the results as their children grow older.

    The Will is a force independent of the child's self: she cannot control it any more than she can control her digestion.
    After 3 or so, the child's personality is more present, so the willpower GRADUALLY becomes more governable by both child and parents. But the will-impulse is in command of the child’s actions. That's why it is laughable when you see a parent stringently adjuring a young child NOT to TOUCH! something. The more emphatically they press the child about it, the more strongly are they energizing that very impulse in the child’s Will.

    Watch a little one reaching to do something they should not do. You can see that they are aware it is forbidden. And they are looking right at you as they reach. (cont'd)
    waldorfmom

    Answer by waldorfmom at 1:15 PM on Feb. 12, 2010

  • (cont'd) ...At this moment, how unfortunate to imagine that they are in control of their hand or foot like an adult would be. I often hear with sadness a mother relating a "battle of wills" with her child: "… I was talking to my friends and he was looking right AT me when he did it! Just CHALLENGing me to stop him! And I sharply told him NO! , but he DEFIED me and did it anyway. So I HAD to give him a spanking for it . . ."

    Of COURSE he is looking right at her! He is under the compulsion of his preschool-stage will and he is helpless to resist it. He is afraid of her anger, he is hoping for her help, but all he can do is look on while the will impulse carries itself out. Once the idea has caught his attention - perhaps it was something he saw someone do, or an object that attracted his eye - it has a life of its own. To interpret this as him setting himself up against her, trying to defy her ... (cont'd)
    waldorfmom

    Answer by waldorfmom at 2:05 PM on Feb. 12, 2010

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