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would you say it's normal for a 17 yr old to like her step dad?

I have been married to my husband for 6 years and every year that goes by my 17 yr old dislikes him more and more. She's bold about it too.
EX: he will joke with her about her job, she will say back"at least I have one"...Yes he is laid off.
EX: He took all of us to an expensive place to eat for her birthday. She thanked me for it but not him.

She has no reason for the dis-respect....He doesn't yell, control or hit, he isn't molesting her. I have asked her what her problem is and she says she doesn't like him because he doesn't do anything with her.
Well how can he when she has an attitude torward him.
I also wonder if it is not jealousy because her own dad ignores her, always has always will.
My husband and I have a 5 yr old, and my 5 yr old gets best of both parents....where my daughter has always had just me until 6 years ago.
How do I get her to respect my husband......


Asked by Anonymous at 2:24 AM on Feb. 13, 2010 in Teens (13-17)

This question is closed.
Answers (8)
  • He doesn't have to do something overt for her to not like him. Teens don't like authority figures. Period. Teens generally have negative attitudes toward people they don't like or respect. He has to step up and make an effort despite the fact that she doesn't like him. In her eyes, he is intruding, and if he has never made a determined concerted effort to get to know her and be a dad figure, she likely has felt that he is intruding the past six years. She may also be a little jealous of the younger sibling getting all the good attention from you both. Try to pay more positive attention to her one on one, both of you. You may see an improvement.

    Answer by preacherskid at 1:26 PM on Feb. 13, 2010

  • Hell at this age I hated all my parents both biological and step and I didn't have to deal with a crappy bio Dad. Maybe she is testing your husband's dedication to her after all she already had one Daddy bail. Just help each other hang on to your patience and it will pay off. Round about 20 I realized what I had in my parents and have loved and appreciated them ever since. GL.

    Answer by FuzNet at 2:33 AM on Feb. 13, 2010

  • op here~~~

    I have told my husband this is the way teens act, he doesn't by it, he says she really does hate him

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:17 AM on Feb. 13, 2010

  • If he's really hurt by this behavior then he needs to make an effort to do things with her, even with her having a sh*tty attitude. She's 17. Don't you remember when you were 17 and knew everything.
    If she's giving you a reason why she doesn't like him "he doesn't do anything with me" then she's given you the solution to your problem. And no, it will not be easy, but what aspect of parenting is.
    He needs to make an effort.

    Answer by AnnieMcD at 3:59 AM on Feb. 13, 2010

  • It sounds to me like she's told you what the problem is. Now, it's up to him to try to solve it. She says he doesn't do anything with her; he needs to do something with her, even if her attitude stinks. If he doesn't want to change the way things are, then he can't be upset that she doesn't like him. You say yourself that your 5 yr old gets the best of both parents...perhaps she's feeling left out? Do you make comments like that in her hearing? I have to say, that would make me feel like crap, and I'm well beyond the teenage years. Also, YOU can't get her to respect him. That is something HE has to earn. Their relationship as stepfather and stepdaughter is really something they have to sort out. There's only so much of it that you can do, the rest is up to them.

    Answer by tropicalmama at 9:49 AM on Feb. 13, 2010

  • My mom re married when my brother was 16. He HATED her husband. He didn't want to talk to him, he didn't want him in his business, anything. He just didn't feel he had to have a relationship with my mom's husband, for he had his own father. He was bitter our parents divorced at all. Now that he is 23, he gets along fine with him. Him moving OUT a few years back helped that of course. IMO some teens just are not going to accept mom or dad's new spouse out of bitterness.


    Answer by Anonymous at 10:33 AM on Feb. 13, 2010

  • You don't, he has to earn her respect. I'm sorry but I'd have said the same thing she did. I'm with her on this one. If he isn't working how in the world could he possibly afford to take everyone out to a nice dinner? She knows you paid for it. It would be silly to thank him for spending your money on such an extravagance. It's actually disrespectful to you that he did that and I'm sure she sees that. Maybe you should see him like she sees him so you can understand.

    Answer by admckenzie at 11:46 AM on Feb. 13, 2010

  • I just re-read your post. I have to say I like your daughter. She's got spunk. She speaks up and tells it the way it is. No man is going to pull the wool over her eyes. That says a lot about her as a person. Tell her I think she rocks! Your husband might do well to listen to her too. I think she could get him on track.

    Answer by admckenzie at 11:48 AM on Feb. 13, 2010