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question about parents divorce.

ok my parents are getting a divorce after 22 years. well they told us kids about 6 months but my mom has been having a drinking problem for the past couple years. and we know shes already started seeing someone else. so you think its too soon? i personally thinks people should lwait until the divorce iss finalized to start seeing other people ecspecially when children are involved. what do you guys think?

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vadasmom

Asked by vadasmom at 3:16 PM on Feb. 13, 2010 in Relationships

Level 1 (0 Credits)
Answers (10)
  • Yes but it's her life. It's hard to  reason with someone that has a drinking problem.

    legalmommy101

    Answer by legalmommy101 at 3:21 PM on Feb. 13, 2010

  • yes, in general i agree. however, if you are all adult children, i dont think it should be as much of a concern.... however, the best question here would be if either of your parents are really ready to see anyone else. not that i could answer it. but this has to be a hard time for both your parents. she may not be doing what is best, but it can be hard. i would try to give her the benefit of the doubt on the dating thing. i would try to encourage her to get help for her drinking problem. i would try to support both parents (seperately obviously).
    aly38914290

    Answer by aly38914290 at 3:22 PM on Feb. 13, 2010

  • I'm sorry I'm married almost thirty years and sigh it's hard. Married 22 years, how old are you and your siblings. Sometimes divorces can take over two years from separation to start the proceedings to dispersing assets and divorce decree paper effective.

    I think too people in relationships that are emotional no matter how long should take time to heal from it. But everyone's allowed legally to do what they want.

    Maybe some counsellling for at least you and your mom together could help or for you just you.

    I'm sorry for your sadness.
    lfl

    Answer by lfl at 3:33 PM on Feb. 13, 2010

  • If the children involved are adults, then I don't think it's out of the question to start dating before a divorce is final, particulary if the divorce drags on for a long time.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:39 PM on Feb. 13, 2010

  • No I don't think it's too soon bc being alone after 22 yrs is scary. I'm sure she wants to protect herself from loneliness
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 4:11 PM on Feb. 13, 2010

  • I'm 48, & my parent's divorced when I was 23, after 25 yrs of marriage. I think it's healthier for both of your parents to take time on their own 1st, & learn to be happy & self sufficient before they get involved in a relationship, but if they've filed for divorce, it is their own life, & they can do what they want.

    They should understand that even though you're adults, your family just dissolved, & it's been your family your whole life. Both parents started dating immediately, got into relationships immediately, & both forced the people they were dating on us....immediately. We were adults & understood that they had a right to a life of their own, but we weren't really ready to see them with new people, we needed some time & felt that as their family, we should be important. They should be able to come to family events without their new person & if they do bring them not have to hold hands and touch, etc.
    ohwrite

    Answer by ohwrite at 4:29 PM on Feb. 13, 2010

  • No it isn't too soon. Your mother has a right to move on. My parents divorced after 25 years. They were both ENGAGED to their current spouses before their divorcewas finalized. That process takes FOREVER. When the marriage is over, it's OVER, whether the paper work has gone through or not imo.

    KairisMama

    Answer by KairisMama at 4:29 PM on Feb. 13, 2010

  • You didn't have a choice, you are experiencing a major loss....and even if they are scared (and I will celebrate my 20th anniversary in August, so I'm sure I'd be scared to be alone) they still need to see beyond themselves, and be considerate and thoughtful in how they handle the situation.

    Good luck, I know how difficult this is.
    ohwrite

    Answer by ohwrite at 4:32 PM on Feb. 13, 2010

  • my dad told me this and i think its so true,noone ever divorces to stay alone, they usually have a back up plan already.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:02 PM on Feb. 13, 2010

  • Your only looking at your mother- ok- what about your Dad. Is he the reason that she started drinking? Is he giving her a private HELL-that you don't know about and your MOM is protecting you about. She is seeing someone- was he? Before ,during the marriage,after ,now? Who asked for the divorce?-whats the reason? Lets not focus just on your MOM, it takes 2, and start looking at your Dad. Did he cause all this ? Is he telling you the truth? I would be there for your MOm, but start asking questions about your Dad, His rose don't smell to good.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:24 PM on Feb. 13, 2010

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