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i love him soo much but my needs arent being i stay for the kids?

we have been together for almost 4 yrs. he is the father of my son and the step dad to my daughter, since she was 2. we are both young, and i know he isnt the most mature. but do i wait for him to grow up even tho i know what i want? i do not feel special to him, i dont feel as tho he misses me at all while he is at work, he doesnt even call unless he needs me to do something. when he comes home he so stressed from work thats all he talks about. we dont even make out anymore, i get a peck on the lips just like the kids lol. he says he loves me if i ask but rarely shows it any other time. the sex has dwindled away almost, he has sex with me when he is horny, has his orgasm and falls asleep. i rarely get any pleasure out of it. each time i try to bring up my feelings, he doesnt want to hear it, or he just says that im not perfect either, but he would rather not talk about it. do i stay with him bc he is a good father?

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Asked by Anonymous at 7:10 PM on Feb. 13, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (7)
  • Welcome to a "marriage" relationship. That's what happens. It just doesn't stay the way it was when it was new.

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:15 PM on Feb. 13, 2010

  • I've had this trouble before. Now, when my hubby comes home from work, I make sure to have a nice bath ready for him, and something to drink. I talk to him on his way home and see if he wants food too. I massage him, and help him relax. After that, he gives me full attention, and strictly sexual, either. I know it might seem to be putting yourself on the back burner even more, but it's not. By helping him release his stress, he can give more to you.

    Answer by NightPhoenix at 7:17 PM on Feb. 13, 2010

  • Forgot to add that men can only handle so much on their own. If we don't sometimes step in, they will be no good to anyone.

    Answer by NightPhoenix at 7:17 PM on Feb. 13, 2010

  • Have you tried counseling?

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:22 PM on Feb. 13, 2010

  • Make some small changes and try to get him back on track. One of the things I heard a sex counselor say is to take at least ten min a day to talk to one another about each other, not work, not kids, not bills but each other. Get to know one another again. Just tell him you think the relationship has gotten into a rut and off track. That way he doesn't feel like it's his fault and get defensive. It's always safe to say something like Let's fix this together. It sounds like he's settled in and feeling good about what he has but you want more. If he still stays contrary, then ask him how he expects you to get your needs met. I love the Irish myth of Aeval, Irish Goddess of Sexuality. She held midnight court for women whose husbands didn't meet her needs! Tell him you will have him summonsed to her court if he doesn't straighten up! lol

    Answer by admckenzie at 7:33 PM on Feb. 13, 2010

  • You've only been married for 4 years, please don't give up yet!! At least try some counseling, even go alone if he won't go with you. You owe this to your children to try everything possible. And don't approach him as though it's his fault, just tell him that you feel that your relationship could be better and you'd like to get some help to work on it together. Good luck.

    Answer by ceallaigh at 8:43 PM on Feb. 13, 2010

  • I kind of agree with all P.P.....

    If he has a cell phone ,call him at lunch-time and TALK DIRTY to him.....

    FLIRT with him, Tease him....when he come home from work......

    Have on something( KID APPROPEATE)....but can give him a FLIRT SHOT also ???
    sorry about spelling....

    Answer by SissyAnn141 at 10:24 PM on Feb. 13, 2010

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