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Did how your in laws treat you while dating affect your relationship with them now that you're married?

My MIL even PAID my bf (now husband) to break up wth me. She would always ask "is she pregnant?" and when he'd say no she'd say "so leave her." One time when we did break up she actually gave him cash and told him to go out. Once I had to give a male friend a ride cause he was dropping his truck off at the shop and I ran into my FIL when we stopped to get breakfast and he TOOK PICS of us and gave them to my husband who was deployed at the time, just trying to start shit. They are always all into our business, but for the past few years she's actually been hugging me when she sees me, and I hate being hugged. She never sees the kids either. We're civil to each other, at best. Does this EVER get better?

 
mhaney03

Asked by mhaney03 at 12:12 AM on Feb. 14, 2010 in Relationships

Level 17 (3,320 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (11)
  • Here's a thought....what is it that occurs when a son starts dating a girl that makes mothers go completely batty? I have a son. He's a baby right now but I want him to grow up and be successful and find a girl to love him. The mere fact that HE loves her would be proof enough for me that she is a good person because I'm not going to raise an idiot with no sense or judgement.

    I wonder if they all started off evil or if something triggers it?
    Allergic2Stupid

    Answer by Allergic2Stupid at 2:04 AM on Feb. 14, 2010

  • My in laws made it known that they thought I wasn't good enough for their son. They yelled, cussed, and everything else. They disowned us when we go married.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:15 AM on Feb. 14, 2010

  • They sound like horrible people. I am under the impression that they would do this to ANYONE who your husband dated/married. That it is probably not a personal issue with you. Although I could be wrong.

    My MIL and I had our moments when I first started coming around. His entire family loved me for the simple fact that I brought DH to all the family functions, because DH never really went to any of them before. DH doesn't really like his family, but I knew they wanted him around and I wanted to get to know them. Well, MIL and I butted heads and we faught constantly. I disliked her soo much and I'm sure she felt the same about me. However, we finally came to an understanding and we're civil to one another. She still bothers me at times, but she has gotten a lot better over the last year. I actually enjoy her company at times, which I never thought I would. She rarely comes up to our house (twice now), we always go to her..
    JazzlikeMraz

    Answer by JazzlikeMraz at 12:23 AM on Feb. 14, 2010

  • So she only sees the kids when we can get over there. (15 minutes away) .. I have a lot more issues with other parts of DH's family on his mom's side, but as far as my MIL go we're better.

    How we've all handled our situations isn't based at all on how yours will go. We can't tell you how your situation will turn out, though I wish I could say that it would and it actually be true. You have to confront your inlaws and tell them that what they're doing/have done isn't right or acceptable. They have to accept that you're their son's wife. Period. If they don't want to be apart of your kid's lives, then don't force it upon them. They should WANT to be apart of their grandchildren's lives, and if they don't make the effort then that's on them.
    JazzlikeMraz

    Answer by JazzlikeMraz at 12:26 AM on Feb. 14, 2010

  • I never even talke to my inlaws until after I had our first child .... and now we spend every sunday with them and I am like their "star child" lol... I went to a psychic before that said we would end up in divorce and my MIL was like OH NO..thats not true at all you two are soulmates...that would kill me if you guys broke apart....and then when FIL had a heart attack and was in the hospital he kept telling my husband how perfect we are and how much he loves me ( fil loves me ) lol

    so i guess I have it pretty good lol
    glamomomo

    Answer by glamomomo at 12:53 AM on Feb. 14, 2010

  • Me and my in laws had a bump in the road about 5 years ago, but I believe we are 100% better now. I love them to death and they do so much for us and our two kids (their only grand kids) I'm glad we got past that spot. One question tho what does your husband think about all this maybe HE needs to say something to his parents not you. They aparently don't care what you think but they do care about him so maybe if he gives them an ultimatum (sorry suck at spelling) they will pay more attention. I hope this helps some and things get better for you.
    jazzysmommy1004

    Answer by jazzysmommy1004 at 1:07 AM on Feb. 14, 2010

  • My MIL adored me. It was really annoying because she's a drunken idiot and she always wanted me to "side" with her on family issues (I was 16 and never said boo to anyone) because she didn't have any daughters. She used to say I was on her "team".

    I was so relieved when they moved far away. Aw shucks.
    Allergic2Stupid

    Answer by Allergic2Stupid at 1:53 AM on Feb. 14, 2010

  • Maybe you shouldn't have married this guy? Sounds like he doesn't stand up to his mother and put her in her place. When you marry someone you marry their family too. Since you didn't go into this relationship with blinders on, I'd say you had a pretty good idea what they would make your life like....so now all you can do is deal with the choice you picked.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:20 AM on Feb. 14, 2010

  • Allergictostupid (love that user name lol), it is a feeling of rivalry and jealousy that causes that kind of reaction with in-laws.  It is a natural reaction but some irrationally act on it.   Your son is your precious baby boy and you are the very first woman in his life.  Your relationship with him will set the standard by which all his future relationships will have to measure up to.  So when another woman comes into his life, it is only natural that you will feel a little threatened by her.  It is the same with fathers and daughters.

    beeky

    Answer by beeky at 8:58 AM on Feb. 14, 2010

  • I guess I'm lucky. I've known my mother-in-law longer than I've known my husband, and we love each other and have always gotten along. She's a complete sweetheart. Hell, when my husband and I have gotten into fights, she AND my brother-in-law both have come to my aid and told him to get his head out of his ass. I love my in-laws.
    kittyhasclaws

    Answer by kittyhasclaws at 2:06 PM on Feb. 14, 2010

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