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I have two boys one is 5 and the other is 12, I have a massive problem .

my boys are terrible and I have no idea what to do. other then duck taping them together and making them have to work together. But there ages are so diffrent . They will physicaly fight if they are nere each other. they can never say anything nice about one anouther. I know it is normal to have sybling rivalry but this is diffrent there is just pure hate. I have taken early adolesence classes and everything, I just can't figure this out.

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paulacody

Asked by paulacody at 2:48 AM on Feb. 14, 2010 in General Parenting

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Answers (7)
  • What do they have in common? Seriously, I do not claim to be an expert at all but I know enough to know that that is one question any decent PD would ask? Start with whatever they have in common and build from there, apprise them of the facts first and then see where they take it from there. Any two individuals can relate regardless of age difference or background, it simply comes down to finding a common ground!
    truthteller0722

    Answer by truthteller0722 at 3:10 AM on Feb. 14, 2010

  • Have you tried asking them about it? Try sitting them down individually with paper and pen and have them come up with a list of 4 things they DO like about eachother (or more if they have them) and 4 things they don't like about eachother (do NOT use the word hate when speaking to them about eachother). Then go over the first list again and try to emphasize the good things and add a few of your own....

    GL
    Allergic2Stupid

    Answer by Allergic2Stupid at 6:15 AM on Feb. 14, 2010

  • Get a water bottle & spray them in the face everytime they start arguing, fighting, yelling. Works wonders. I have 3 kids that did the same thing. Soon as they see the bottle in my hand they change their tune.
    motherofhope98

    Answer by motherofhope98 at 9:08 AM on Feb. 14, 2010

  • i love the water bottle... that is hilarious.

    calmness will do wonders. if you get all hyper about them and do what my mom used to which would yell at one of us for ticking off the other- you are feeding the fire. go for a while not asking the older one to take care of the younger one and really you spend more time taking care of the older one. most cases i've seen is the older one is resentful that the younger one is the baby and the younger one is resentful that the older one is a jerk. you fix the older ones problem and the younger one's is fixed as well. i really wish my mom would have stopped making my big brother (6 years my senior) be responsible for me because he didn't like it and blamed me pretty much for being born which made me hate him for hating me for doing "nothing". after awhile of no sibling interaction. i'd say a month. go on a family vacation and maybe they will connect.
    spazlilsister

    Answer by spazlilsister at 9:41 AM on Feb. 14, 2010

  • just don't do what my dad was planning. he was going to tell me that my brother died and tell my brother that i died. but then he realized that would really mess up everyone, especially my sister.

    but keep in mind... it may just take time. my brother and i didn't like eachother till after he moved out and got in trouble with the law and then i got in finacial troubles. made the playing feild even in our eyes because neither of us were the family screw ups anymore. so pretty much took us 21 years to get any respect for eachother. but he still flicks me in the head and i kick him in the shins and my mom still threatens to take my head and his head and bash them together.

    so...best of luck.
    spazlilsister

    Answer by spazlilsister at 9:47 AM on Feb. 14, 2010

  • A 12 yr old shouldn't be hitting a 5 yr old. Just separate them and tell them to cut the crap when they start up. Guys are naturally aggressive but an adolescent hitting a 5 yr old is just being a bully. That has to stop.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:04 PM on Feb. 14, 2010

  • Have you read the book Siblings Without Rivalry? It's a great book and works wonders if you are willing to implement their suggestions. Also, here are some more suggestions for dealing with sibling rivalry:
    http://www.med.umich.edu/yourchild/topics/sibriv.htm
    jessradtke

    Answer by jessradtke at 8:17 PM on Feb. 14, 2010

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