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am i a spoiled girl?

my man and i have been together for 2.5 yrs. have 6mo old. not married. not engaged. at first it was no biggie to me. no rush, i was 19. well, now i am 22 and watching my friends get married to guys in a year. they say that when you know, why prolong it. breaks my heart. my guy friends have lost sleep and worked their fingers to the bone to get their girl a ring and i feel like they are all just rubbing it in my face. my parents have snide remarks about it saying we are living in sin.

last night he gave me a promise ring. it's cute and small. something i would have died for in high school... but something about it just makes my heart ache. i feel like he just did it to buy himself more time. like, here, i love you, see, now you have something to show your friends. he didn't even surprise me with it. he told me when he was looking, when he bought it, when he got it then asked me if i wanted it last night. am i shallow?

Answer Question

Asked by spazlilsister at 10:45 AM on Feb. 14, 2010 in Relationships

Level 4 (47 Credits)
Answers (43)
  • I don't think you're shallow. I think after a certain amount of time, especially certain amount of time with a child, you do right by wanting to know where the hell he sees this going! I know what it's like to be in a REALLY long term relationship that feels like it's going nowhere. I don't wish it on anyone.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:48 AM on Feb. 14, 2010

  • I think you're expecting too much from him right now.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:48 AM on Feb. 14, 2010

  • i just feel like i am ruining something nice by feeling like it isn't enough. that is what spoiled girls think. but shouldn't i want more for myself as well? it kills me having a different last name than my son. it just screams- hey look! i am a statistic!! 21 year old mom and her child has a different last name- surprise surprise!...i shouldn't feel that way either.

    Answer by spazlilsister at 10:48 AM on Feb. 14, 2010

  • Original anon right here...OH MY GAWD do I know how you feel!!!! You are NOT being spoiled. I still have my dad's last name too, and my kids' have their daddy's last name. Ugh! My heart goes out to you. If he's with you for the long haul, I hope he shows it sooner rather than later. You and your child deserve that much from him!

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:51 AM on Feb. 14, 2010

  • Did you tell him about the last name thing and how you want it the same as your kid? Did he tell you why he's not ready?

    Answer by bjane01 at 10:53 AM on Feb. 14, 2010

  • what should i expect from him? i am expected to cook and clean and care for the child and take care of my own bills and our bills and any bills that have me associated with. i feel like i am pulling double duty as wife AND girlfriend. oh, he plays husband when somethings goes wrong. i want to expect something from him. he tells me to just let him love me. i am thinking that is an easy way out. you can just love me but not support me? i should have all the stuff taken care of and eat the fact that my friends feel sorry for me. not to mention he knew when we got together that i wanted to get married sept 25th 2010. all i wanted. and obviously that isn't happening. he just took my dream from me and i should just take it... it is super depressing.

    Answer by spazlilsister at 10:55 AM on Feb. 14, 2010

  • oh i've spent this last year telling him and he says he wants to marry me. he says lets run to the jp right now. i kick him and run away crying usually... why can't he just understand that i want to be wanted to be treated special and not just assumed into wifehood. like he bought me or something. he says he just doesn't know how to express himself. he will actually tell me in the middle of the night that i deserve more... but that is where it stays. i help him, my friends help him and now everyone is fed up... makes me think that he doesn't want it bad enough. not when he already gets it pretty much for free.

    Answer by spazlilsister at 11:00 AM on Feb. 14, 2010

  • What's wrong with going to the JOP now?! That's not bad! That's GOOD. You want him to marry you. There is no law saying you can't have a real wedding down the road. GO to the JOP! Get the paperwork! Get his last name! THAT IS special!

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:25 AM on Feb. 14, 2010

  • It sounds like to me that he wants to marry you but he is just being a guy. I would respect the fact that he isn't following the pack like all the friends. To him he may see that you have a great family already and it is just a piece of paper. To you it is a romance thing. If you want to get married this year, sit him down and say "this is important to me" tell him how you feel and what you want to see happen. You may have to give up the idea that he will propose. He seems to love you very much and that is more important than anything else! I think it will work out for you!

    Answer by bjane01 at 11:33 AM on Feb. 14, 2010

  • I can understand how you feel... I think your baby was more like a "promise ring" ....we were engaged, but a month later I found out I was pregnant, so we had to postpone the wedding ( I would have been 8 months on the day) ....well he basiclaly stopped talking about getting married and everything....after my daughter was born I was miserable because we didnt have the same last name and I dont know I just hated saying he was my boyfriend ( when you have a child it just feels like you should be more) ....I was literally becoming depressed over it and thinking of about just giving him an ultimatum ....but then he "re-proposed" and we got married when our daughter was 5 months old....

    nexy time he says lets go to the JP ...tell him ok and tell him you will go the next day /that week....if he takes it back and tries to say something about not going ( or even tries something like, you deserve a wedding) you will have ur answer

    Answer by glamomomo at 11:54 AM on Feb. 14, 2010

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