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My husband is being an asshole!???

So I stay at home with our 6 month old little girl. I used to work but we decided it would be best if I stay at home with her while I can. My husband is in the military and he works hard but lately when he is home on the weekends he doesnt help me at all! He used to, I would have to ask him but he would help... Just a little while ago he said hey my friend and his wife and little kid are coming over and he said straighten up the house I said ok so I start to straighten up, vaccum sweep the kitchen floor and things like that and I say can you feed Emily (our daughter) and he just sat there playing his video game and I said I shouldnt have to ask you to help me you should just do it and he said well you should just do it! It hurts my feelings when he acts like this! He says its my JOB! Im like well she is your daughter too... And he just sits there and still is! What should I do?


Asked by Anonymous at 1:19 PM on Feb. 14, 2010 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (10)
  • How are things at work for him? My husband is prior military and there were a few times that he acted like that. I noticed that when he did act like that, things were not so great at work. Either they were working really long hours or one of the higher ups was being a jerk. I would just tell him how you feel. Chances are he is just stressed and doesn't know how to deal with it other than take it out on you. Good Luck!


    Answer by JeremysMom at 1:23 PM on Feb. 14, 2010

  • I do all the housework because my dh is a chef and I am SAHM but he will always participate in anything to help OUR children. Ask him if he plans on playing his video games until she's all grown up and doesn't even know or care who he is. i would be sad for her because he is using her to punish you for his unhappiness.

    Answer by writeon at 1:24 PM on Feb. 14, 2010

  • See...what I would WANT to do is unplug the video game and tell him to f*cking feed his child and stop being a lazy @$$hole. BUT that wouldn't solve anything. You let him know that if he wants the house to be clean in time for HIS friends to come over, then he needs to pause the game and PARENT THE CHILD he fathered!

    Answer by Ann_Ony_Mouse at 1:26 PM on Feb. 14, 2010

  • just yell at him to do it. my husband is the same god damn way! occasionally he helps with our two babies... but rarely. he has to be told to. it is so annoying. i think it is a man thing. we are 25 and 26. and i think it is also a little bit of immaturity. he goes to work and provides for u and he isnt a bad guy. but he thinks his only job is to go to work. and then he is done for the day/ weekend. he doesnt pick up after himself or anything unless told to like a child. i hope it at least makes you feel better to know you arent alone. and when those times come that i just want to smack him upseide the head. i try to remind myself that ok, at least he does things like change oil, change filters, take out trash, take care of the lawn. (i dont do those things). it makes me feel a little better. but still it is annoying how he "expects" me to do things... and thinks he makes all the money and everything is his!

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:32 PM on Feb. 14, 2010

  • Amen to Ann... I've had that problem a few times before... as I do the SAHM thing from time to time (I do find a job, but then we realize how much easier it is with me staying home with little people). DF works 50-60 hours/week... but on his days off he likes to spend his time playing video games... the meanest thing I've ever done is sold his xbox. Of course, he replaced it, and we're right back where we started. When he pops off and says its your job, remind him that she is a child, not a job and she needs BOTH parents... and even though he may work a ton of hours, yours is a 24/7 job... ask nicely at first, but be persistent.

    Answer by MunchiesMom324 at 1:33 PM on Feb. 14, 2010

  • Since he once helped and no longer does, I wonder if he thought you were just taking his help for granted or that he owed you the help. I wonder if you expressed appreciation and I wonder if you did extra little things for him in return. I also wonder if you have hurt his feelings by maybe ignoring him to the exclusion of the child, to the point where he now feels like he has been displaced in your affections. It's vey possible to love a man and not speak his love language, and if you haven't been speaking his, he doesn't feel loved and he will continue to withdraw farther and farther away from you and from doing the things that he knows will please you. If you really want to know the truth, ask him what makes him feel most loved. Be prepared for some very surprising answers, and when you ask, you have to tell him you want to be the best wife possible and you need to know what that is, in his opinion, not in yours.

    Answer by NannyB. at 1:41 PM on Feb. 14, 2010

  • Does she HAVE to ask nicely? *seethes at the "your job" comment* THEN PAY ME DAMMIT.
    Sorry. Sorry. Having flashbacks.

    Answer by Ann_Ony_Mouse at 1:41 PM on Feb. 14, 2010

  • i am fortunate to have a man that helps in both areas. You're right..he should be helping you. I do most of the housework but he atleast helps with the baby and i really appriciate it. Tell your man to grow up and be responsible this is his child too and video games aren't going to solve the problem. I hope things get better, stand up for yourself!

    Answer by AlexxasMama at 1:42 PM on Feb. 14, 2010

  • I agree. It's your job. He does his job and you do your's. It's as simple as that. If you had the house cleaned to begin with as you should then you wouldn't need help doing it today, you could just feed the child and it's done with

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:55 PM on Feb. 14, 2010

  • I always tell him thank you everytime he helps out! Like I said he usually helps out so he's not lazy I guess he is on hos period! LOL.... We NEVER fight so I dont really want to yell at him.... We are young but I dont think that has anything to do with it. I am 22 and he is 24... He gives our daughter attention he plays with her and spends time with her, its just I wish i didnt have to ask for help I just wish he would be like hey baby do you need help? Sometimes he does but I dont know.... I didnt really want people to bash him and I dont want to fight so Im just going to close this question....

    Answer by heatherjenea at 1:59 PM on Feb. 14, 2010