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how do i deal with this weird problem with my friend?

She's a very caring and good friend when she's around. Sometimes she'll call and just say I'm coming over and will literally be here all day until late night but then she'll flake on you a lot other times. Doesn't matter if you've been waiting for her for hrs or what your schedule was, she totally disregards that. This time was my last straw: this monday the 16th I had play dates set with other moms for the kids then my SO had plans to celebrate V day since he worked today. I cancelled everything just to take her to the hospital and support her while she found out what the lump in her breast is. Its a huge painful orange sized ball and she has never goten it checked out. Sh text me right now and said I'm not coming tomorrow and I'm going MIA.

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Asked by Anonymous at 2:01 AM on Feb. 15, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (8)

  • OP here continued: so basically I'm extremely pissed. I'm tired of her doing this and honestly its selfish as hell!! Besides that I m really concerned about her. She is bipolar and non medicated which I know has to do with why she does this but I can't handle it anymore. How to handle this? I honestly don't want to talk to her right now at all!! Oh BTW she cancelled only because she got in an arguemeny with her bf.

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:04 AM on Feb. 15, 2010

  • She is not your rescue mission, you need to re-evaluate your priorities, what made you put her visit ahead of your kids and SO? Yes she is in need of a friend, but she is using you, and behaving like a child. IMO a person like this is not a friend, she is a parasite. Where are her other friends... let me guess, she hasn't got any left?
    She is an adult, and her medications, health issues and appts are not your problem UNLESS you make it so. I know it seems like tough love, but for your family's sake, step back, get a back bone ( I don't mean you're a wimp, I mean stand up for yourself) and call her on it. Tell her it pisses you off, and that you won't stand by any more. You are not a doormat, stop letting her treat you like one.

    Answer by myheartx4 at 2:13 AM on Feb. 15, 2010

  • PS coming around at the drop of a hat and staying til late at night, dropping you like a hot potato, in what way is that the sign of a loving caring friend?

    Answer by myheartx4 at 2:14 AM on Feb. 15, 2010

  • It's never a good idea to be friends with someone out of pity. A good friendship is give and take. She is taking way too much. You need to let her know what bothers you and what you expect to change if you two are going to continue a friendship. I wouldn't personally waste time being friends with someone like her. Her being bipolar is not an excuse for her to act like that. It's her choice not be be medicated and your choice to say enough until you act right.


    Answer by SylviaNCali at 2:29 AM on Feb. 15, 2010

  • Stop changing your plans for her. If she call or comes over, just tell her you have other plans. Tell her you two can do something some other day.

    Answer by louise2 at 6:40 AM on Feb. 15, 2010

  • I have a friend something like her, except the flaking out part... mine wants to be here day and night and it messes up plans I've made because I don't want to say "you have to leave, like right NOW!!", instead I say "I really need to run to pay my electric bill..." and she never leaves so I end up not going that day (which is my fault for not being more assertive, not hers).
    I understand your concern about the health problem, but she's using her fight with her bf to not go. I might would do the same thing, I'd be petrified if it was my breast too.
    You need to sit her down and have a serious heart to heart with her and explain how you're feeling about everything. Some of this may be due to the bi-polar but it is her choice to not medicate, and she knows that it makes the symptoms so much worse. I'm not crazy about meds but if nothing else she should try all natural to help with her emotional stability.

    Answer by lisa_ann_p at 7:53 AM on Feb. 15, 2010

  • The person you have described has lots of issues. You say she is unmedicated bi-polar....and she has an orange-sized lump in her breast which has never been checked! Wow....
    If this is a real person, you just have to set limits on how you will deal with her or if you want to deal with her at all. A person with a lump like that could easily be petrified and cancel in a panic. If she is bi-polar, I can only imagine this could set her off. Living with that kind of stress could drive a sane person crazy and she has a head start.
    As for you, all you can do is decide what limits you want to set and just follow through. No sense in making yourself crazy while still being unable to actually help her anyway.

    Answer by BJoan at 9:09 AM on Feb. 15, 2010

  • OP here: I say she's loving and kind hearted because when she's around she is sweet and is really here for you, but then its like oh she doesn't answer a text or phone call for 4 days. Its weird. She blames her biploar disorder which I definitely think its but at this point its too much too handle. Its stressful and annoying when I'm trying to spend time with my fam and she just comes over. Or I plan somethg and she doesn't show or is seriously late by a couple hrs. I love my firend but I'm tired of it. She's known of this lump for 5 yrs and still hasn't got it checked out. Its grown a lot! Her 13 year old DD is worried as well and she needs it checked. I don't know if ishould stop talkin to her all together or just not be so available. I did however start leaving if she wasn't here when she said. I no longer wait for her. But its kind of ridiculos to me. I have my family to worry about not this friend

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:05 PM on Feb. 15, 2010

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