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what do you do when you and hd is not on the same page in regards to spending money and you talk and talk about this and nothing changes

ok girls need some edvice. what do you do when hd and you are not on the same page in regards to how to spend money. live out in the country & go into town once a wk get my food & when doing this buy very cheap stuff my food bill is like $40 wk. try to cut corners were can need clothes get them at rummage sales during the summer. somthing comes up go to the good will in the winter. do not go out with the girls & my kids toys are all second hand things. i just work down the road from were live. not much gas for that. we are just scraping by. hd works 4 days a wk 12 hr's a night. but when he is off work he spends moeny that we do not have will write out a bad ck if he or do not have any cash. just so he can get out of the house & go ice fishing with his friends or go over to one of his friends house to hang out over there. please note he 40 yr's old i am 32. he acts like my age will not pay a bill so he can have $

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 10:21 AM on Feb. 15, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (7)
  • I believe the person who is most responsible with money should have the most "control" over money. My husband pays all the bills as soon as we are paid and i know exactly how much money i have to spend. Don't use checks if you can help it. We've even considered using a prepraid card so that once the extra money is gone, its gone. i would consider something like that for you guys. Ultimately he does have to see a need for it and agree with it though. It IS something you have to fix because it will (if it hasn't already) cause problems in your relationship.
    MamaChamp

    Answer by MamaChamp at 10:27 AM on Feb. 15, 2010

  • it sounds like ur hubby is more concerned with making sure he gets to have his fun whether he has the money for it or not. and he clearly thinks that he can spend bc he works but u need to tell him that u work also and maybe he should have his own acct if he wants to write bad checks.
    secondtyme520

    Answer by secondtyme520 at 10:36 AM on Feb. 15, 2010

  • I think if we bought extremely cheap food and clothes at rummage sales just so my husband could go screw around with his buddies, I'd cut off his access to the money. I have done that. The bank account is in my name, and that is because he ran two into the ground on his own, and he does not want to mess with banks anymore, so that is my job. I balance, make all deposits, etc. He doesn't have the checkbook, I write all checks, I even have the ATM card and if he needs money for a legitmate purpose, he gets it. But not to waste. It's better now, not perfect but better, and he understands if we don't have money to blow on uncessary things, we don't.

    I do like the idea of a prepaid card that one of the other posts gave. Once it's empty, that is it for spending money.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:59 AM on Feb. 15, 2010

  • yeah...and spending just $40 on grocery...thats very little IMO even if you're making all homeade foods. It may mean you aren't buying fruits, veggies, and other fresh foods that can be better for your family. If this is impacting the health of your family its even more important to address this issue. Not judging your food choices...just thinking about what I personally spend more money on when grocery shopping. i hope things work out for you.
    MamaChamp

    Answer by MamaChamp at 11:22 AM on Feb. 15, 2010

  • am the one that wrote in to find out what should do about hd of spending. it has gotten this bad to the point that last fall hd wanted some money to go out becasue he was pissed off at me. it has been this way for awhile that do not give him his ck book or ck card. he did not have any money and asked me for it. told him no becasue if give you money we will not be able to pay rent in the next wk. he did not care got in a big fight he tour the house apart to find his ck book. would not give it to him so he took a pillow wiped it across my face & started to cry and went to get the phone to call the cops but he tour the phone out of the wall. the cops did end up coming and they took him away for one night. this whole thing was over because would not give him his ck book. could write a book here to tell you how he is and the thingsi have done to try to change things but nothing helps. want to buy a house & have nice stuff
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:43 AM on Feb. 15, 2010

  • These issues are alot deeper than money. if abuse is your problem seek help for YOU and your kids.
    MamaChamp

    Answer by MamaChamp at 11:58 AM on Feb. 15, 2010

  • It sounds like there are alot of issues going on, not just money . I DO think he needs to grow up and put his family, bills and expenses first and his 'fun' last. It is time to have a serious talk with him, and tell him to step up and take responsibility, or you will take over the finances (if you are not 'in charge' of the $ already). I also think you should have all of the money put in an account in your name- so he can't touch it and dole out an allowance to him- tell him 'this is all you get- if you write a bad check -- you will have to find a way to pay the fees, once this money is gone that is it, you do not get more till next allowance day". Good luck!
    MizLee

    Answer by MizLee at 12:36 PM on Feb. 15, 2010

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