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How can you enjoy sex when you really want something else?

My husband and I have been together for about four years and married for one. We have two young boys. We have recently fell upon hard times and are having to stretch every dime we have. Since this my husband seems to be getting further and further away from our family. He has no patience for out boys and he surely doesn't concern himself with our feelings or emotions. He has really gotten kind of selfish and only wants us to do for him. And most certainly he wants his sex when he wants it no matter what! Sex to me now is somewhat expected and not really enjoyable. All I really want from him is some understanding and some compassion. So how are you supposed to enjoy sex with some one who acts like they could care less what you want?

 
cgonzales542

Asked by cgonzales542 at 10:24 AM on Feb. 15, 2010 in Relationships

Level 2 (10 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (5)
  • Keep the communication high priority. I am in the same boat...except we are getting a seperation. HE is selfish & needs to fufill your needs as well as his own. I hope you two can compromise. Divorce seems like the easy way out but trust me, it is not!! For me though, he has a trust issue that he will never fix and it is killing our relationship.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:39 PM on Feb. 15, 2010

  • Really, you can't enjoy it. But you can try talking to him about EVERYTHING...including how he's treating the kids and the sex. When you talk be kind and be patient. If he feels supported he'll open up and talk and that's when you need to listen. He may or may not realize that he's taking his problems out on all of you. As for the sex, you might proprose a weekend of GREAT sex where Friday night you focus on him and everything he loves, then Saturday night he does the same for you. Then it looks like a game and he might see the change in your enjoying sex. Other games where you take turns doing things to each other might help too.
    It's certainly deeper than just the sex though so try to focus on what is bothering him, finding solutions to those problems, and supporting him through them.
    MamaChamp

    Answer by MamaChamp at 10:33 AM on Feb. 15, 2010

  • I agree completely with mamachamp. You can't enjoy sex with someone who seems to be acting so selfishly. On the chance that he doesn't realize what he's doing, though, you should talk to him. Describe all the things you see, not just the sex issue. Ask him to talk to you about what's going on elsewhere in his life (work, friends, his parents/siblings, etc.). This way, any problems that he's having elsewhere can be brought out into the open, discussed and maybe he'll stop taking out frustration and sex on his family, be it intentional or otherwise.
    tropicalmama

    Answer by tropicalmama at 10:53 AM on Feb. 15, 2010

  • I find that if you give them what they want they in turn are more likely to be willing to give you what you want
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 1:15 PM on Feb. 15, 2010

  • oh he sounds like he is under some major stress i would just talk to him
    BUSYLOVINGHIM

    Answer by BUSYLOVINGHIM at 1:49 PM on Feb. 15, 2010

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