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Need Advice: daughter wants to have sex with her boyfriend. -- only 15yrs old

We monitor myspace with my step-daughter -- this was our deal from the beginning. It's never been a problem until recently. We usually just ask to see who her friends are--nothing too involved. A hunch told me to dig a little deeper this time--she's recently been "hiding" in corners with her boyfriend (even found him on top of her) when I picked her up at school. So, we go over what she sends her BF. He wants sex at the movies. She says she wants sex too but not at the movies. She took a picture for him--he likes how it looks and it looks like he thought it would. We discuss all the reasons not to have sex and I tell her no more pics. We don't tell dad so I've just kept a closer eye on her. I found her printing pics for a valentine card for him -- I asked to review it -- the note is about her wanting to have sex with him but it's just going to take time. I have told dad and we are looking for GOOD ADVICE. Thanks!

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Asked by Sailaway at 10:56 PM on Feb. 15, 2010 in Teens (13-17)

Level 1 (0 Credits)
Answers (19)
  • Have you shown her pictures of what STDs can do to you? And explain to her that just because her boyfriend SAYS he doesn't have an STD, or says he's been tested doesn't mean anything? That can do a lot right there. Explain to her what a teenage pregnancy would entail. I know you probably don't want to scare her, but boys can be VERY persuading at that age, so if you haven't done the "STD bit" I'd for sure try that.

    Good luck and hope this helps!

    Answer by wahm_abbeyrose at 11:02 PM on Feb. 15, 2010

  • Wow. My daughter's only 2 but i'd be freaking out if that were to happen.
    The boyfriend sounds like a scumbag to be honest.....and I'm so sad that she sent him pics! ugh.....that tears my heart up! Your body is sacred, not matter what age you are...even as an adult.
    I'd make her realize what relationships are all about, and not to be surprised if her relationship with this boy doesn't last long, just because "love" at this age doesn't hardly last. Will she want to give that away?...

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:03 PM on Feb. 15, 2010

  • I don't have any useful advice for you. But I just want to say, as a parent of teenagers- it sounds like you're doing a fantastic job with the communication with her. Keep it up, at least it sounds like she's listening if she's telling him it will take some time. This is such a sticky situation but maybe try to advise her to come to you for contraceptives if she really decides she's going to go through with it. If she is going to, better safe than sorry IMO. Good luck.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:06 PM on Feb. 15, 2010

  • First of all, a 15 year old girl really isn't mature enough to be allowed to be alone with boys. Girls at this age should be doing things in groups that are supervised by adults. You are the adult and you are in charge and should be supervising her at all times. This situation is way out of control and I wouldn not allow her to spend time alone with this boy or any other boy. You have a lot of work to do to educate her about sex and marrage. I would remove her camera and access to the computer if I had to, to put a stop to this nonsense. Your daughter is headed for teeange pregnancy and a difficult life if you don't take swift action and be the parent in charge.

    Answer by Lisahi at 11:07 PM on Feb. 15, 2010

  • I would recommend talking to her openly, let her ask questions and whatever you do DON'T be judgmental. Calmly explain to her why you don't want her to have sex yet, don't just tell her not to. If you simply tell her not to, it may make her want to do it more. Also, if you feel comfortable doing so, make sure she is prepared if she does ignore your advice. Inform her of the risks, and prevention of those risks, but stress to her that no prevention is 100%. I think the most important thing is to be open and calm, be willing to LISTEN and not just talk. Hopefully that helps some!

    Answer by imamommmmyyy at 11:13 PM on Feb. 15, 2010

  • Put her to take care of a baby (she can babysit for a few hours) and ask her if she is prepared to be a mother. She can also volunteer at children's hospitals (They are always looking for help especially in the premies section) and take care of sick kids. Maybe that will open her eyes to the awesome responsibility of having babies. If you could find a way to have someone with a std to talk to her, it will become real to her and see for herself the danger to have sex with someone you really do not know.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:18 PM on Feb. 15, 2010

  • No sex while she's living under your roof. No being alone with boys. If you find her "under her boyfriend" at school one more time, yank her ass out school and teach her at home. You need to nip this in the bud now. I never, EVER had sex as a teen, because I knew my parents would kill me.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:44 PM on Feb. 15, 2010

  • I always joke that the way my mom kept me from having sex was by telling me if I wanted to have sex, to let her know and she would get me on birth control. I didn't want to have that conversation with her. Seriously, though, I do think a serious talk about the consequences of sex is in order. Go over ALL the consequences, the unintended pregnancy, the STD, the bragging he will (and we all know it's WILL, not MIGHT) do to his friends which will then get around school, the expectation the other boys will then have if she breaks up with bf and wants to date other boys. Ask her to seriously think about what she would do in all of those situations. If you still really think she will do it, then getting her on birth control and making sure she has access to condoms is next. I wouldn't want to condone or approve of my child having sex, but I'd damn sure want to make sure they're safe if they're going to do it anyway.

    Answer by tropicalmama at 12:06 AM on Feb. 16, 2010

  • well first i would want to know how long she has been with her boyfriend. if shes been with him for 2 months, no way. but if shes been with him for a year ... well ... what are you gonna do. if you try and stop her, she WILL find a way to do it behind your back. i think its good that she said its going to take time. thats good. and if he waits, thats good. shes going to loose her virginity eventually. i was 13, and i wasnt a whore. i think your best bet, is to show her pictures of STD's, and tell her she should have him get a blood test to make sure he doesnt have any. get her on birth control, or give her condoms. unfortunatley, you cant keep her a baby forever. just do the best you can. tell her to have respect for herself, not to give it up to just anybody, if he loves her, he will wait till she is ready, and if he doesnt, then he is just using her for sex. and then let her make the desicion for herself.

    Answer by PURPULbutterfly at 12:15 AM on Feb. 16, 2010

  • she has to learn from her own mistakes. but you can help her to try and not make mistakes.

    Answer by PURPULbutterfly at 12:15 AM on Feb. 16, 2010

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