Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Two potential daddies.. one problem.. HELP PLZ!

ok, so I'm not proud that I don't know who the father of my soon to be child is.. but that's not the issue. The problem is that the one who lives 2000 miles away wants to come up for the birth. What do I do?? How can I make sure this birth is not stressful and still allow him to be around and meet the child that might be his? Both parties are aware of the situation, the man I live with and have a daughter with is the other potential father. I guess technically I"m still with him although we have a very complicated and unhappy relationship. Please no bashing, I've got enough stress from the situation as it is, just please, give me suggestions on how to resolve this situation peacefully for everyone. I want whoever IS the father to have a chance to see/meet their child. The paternity test will be done as soon as it is born, but results won't be back for 4-6 weeks.


Asked by kristal2146 at 11:03 PM on Feb. 15, 2010 in Pregnancy

Level 8 (246 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (12)
  • tough one! I think that since they're both fully aware of the situation and you've been honest with them both that you should let him come up for it. As long as you remind him that he's coming to see a baby that may not be his and he won't know for 4-6 weeks. If he's ok with it and ok with being there without putting any extra stress on you then i'd let him. It'd be hard if it turns out to be his and he never came because you talked him out of it. As long as if it's NOT his he won't hold it over your head or call it a wasted trip, ect...

    Answer by cespranger at 11:10 PM on Feb. 15, 2010

  • I think the one could be there but maybe wait in the waiting room.

    Answer by SaraP1989 at 11:11 PM on Feb. 15, 2010

  • how do I decide which one has to wait in the waiting room??? How can I justify letting one in and not the other when we really don't know who's baby it is?

    Answer by kristal2146 at 11:12 PM on Feb. 15, 2010

  • I'd let maybe daddy come. You're doctor should be able to pinpoint your date of conception to help you out unless you had sex with them both on the same day

    Answer by admckenzie at 11:18 PM on Feb. 15, 2010

  • my 'conception' date doesn't make any sense.. and ultrasounds can be off by up to 2 weeks. I went on vacation with one.. came home and the other got me drunk so I'd have sex with him.. shitty situation, not proud of it, but with how long sperm can live and the variability of u/s we're just not sure.

    Answer by kristal2146 at 11:20 PM on Feb. 15, 2010

  • I would just let them both in. Tell them both it is the only fair way to do it. If either one isn't cool with that tell the one causing trouble to just stay home

    Answer by dawnofdestiny at 11:26 PM on Feb. 15, 2010

  • Well I think it might be awkward to have both of them in the delivery room. Maybe both of them can wait in the waiting room. you said that your relationship with your SO is shaky and you're only quasi together. A close family member or friend can go in the delivery room with you. That way neither man gets more time or whatever and your at ease because during the labor and delivery your comfort and stress level is what's important. Once the baby is born, they can come in together or whatever to see the baby. That's my thought on it. That is a tough one. Good luck and congrats on your new baby.

    Answer by jenlenr at 11:26 PM on Feb. 15, 2010

  • i like jenlenr's answer for if they're both there.. they can wait outside the room or take turns coming in.... if you have another support person that can be in the room with you that's NOT one of them

    Answer by cespranger at 11:33 PM on Feb. 15, 2010

  • I'll have someone else only if my mom makes it in time. She will be coming from out of state and I don't know that she'll make it up here.. get a car.. and get to the hospital in time!! My dad will have my daughter and the only other person that lives anywhere nearby is my sister and I don't know if she will be able to get a babysitter.

    Answer by kristal2146 at 11:37 PM on Feb. 15, 2010

  • Given the shaky status of your relationship with the one man, and the fact that you're really unsure of which one is the father, I'd allow them both to be at the hospital, but have them both wait in the waiting room. That way, neither of them can feel the other is being favored, and you don't have the constant stress of wondering if you let the wrong one in with you. They can both come in at the same time to see the baby, and then once you get the results back, you take it from there. This is a sucky situation you're in, I hope everything works out in the end.

    Answer by tropicalmama at 11:59 PM on Feb. 15, 2010