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My child's paternal (and only living) grandmother acts like she doesn't care about her...should I say something??

A little background: when I was pregnant, my then SO and I were really excited and planned to make all decisions about the child together. Well, that didn't bode well with his mom, who is used to making all the decisions for her only son. Anyway, after the baby was born, she assumed that she would be making all the decisions about our child, and it caused a lot of problems in my relationship with SO, so we broke up, but we are still friends...and great parents to our now 19 month old daughter, Victoria.

SO lives with mom...long story...

SO's mom makes no effort to be in the child's life. Victoria is her only grandchild, and SO's mom is Victoria's only living grandmother. She never comes over to visit her. She never invites her to come to her house for a visit. When SO suggests bringing Vic over for a visit, his mom always has "other plans". Vic has only seen her grandmother 5-6 times since she was born. CONTINUE

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 12:06 AM on Feb. 16, 2010 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (8)
  • I don't have an answer for you, but wanted to let you know I'm in the same boat. My mother and father are both deceased, and my sons only two living grandparents don't come to see him or anything either. They sit at home and drink. I know this isn't advice, but sometimes it just helps to know you're not alone.
    wahm_abbeyrose

    Answer by wahm_abbeyrose at 12:26 AM on Feb. 16, 2010

  • Some people don't recognize or accept children conceived out of wedlock. It just is and you may have to accept it.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:09 AM on Feb. 16, 2010

  • OP CONTINUE:

    I think it's sad that my daughter is more familiar with my deceased mother than she is with her living grandmother. My daughter is constantly kissing my mom's picture, and if I say "grandma", she goes to the picture and kisses it. My mom passed away three years before Vic was born.

    Do you think I ought to say something to SO's mom? I don't like her very much, but I feel the way she is treating Victoria is wrong. If she can go out to lunch and dinner with her friends, then she can make time to visit her own grandchild!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:10 AM on Feb. 16, 2010

  • I havent gotten the continued part yet, but to me (so far) sounds like maybe your daughter is better off. A lot of grandparents also don't get very involved until the baby is older either. I wouldn't push her and then it be forced, because while a 19 month won't see it, a 3-4 year old will notice it is forced and won't respond to good at all. Let her make her choices, and it would be her son that would have a better chance of getting the point accross anyway, I would stay out of it with her. It is sad though, but just let her make her own mistakes.
    AK_aries

    Answer by AK_aries at 12:13 AM on Feb. 16, 2010

  • Yes, I think you should say something. She is probably just 'taking his side' . Even if you and SO get along, some people just don't like the situation and will refuse to talk to the outside party. I know, b/c both my family and my in-laws are like that. Whenever someone is divorced or separated, they treat the outside person like they never existed. My BIl divorced his first wife and it was like she was banished or never existed. Luckily they didn't have kids but if they had, I wonder if my in-laws would even acknowledge the children, esp. if they had lived with the ex-wife. She needs to grow up and see that she is missing out on a relationship with her granddaughter. It is up to you to tell her that you expect that she has some kind of relationship with your daughter. You can't make her but it is worth a try.
    danielp

    Answer by danielp at 12:14 AM on Feb. 16, 2010

  • Oh and maybe it would be better if he said something instead of you. Like I said, she is probably not trying to hear anything you have to say anyway.
    danielp

    Answer by danielp at 12:15 AM on Feb. 16, 2010

  • comming from someone who experienced this as a kid I agree w/ AK_aries. Don't push it. Hugs I know it's hard. I have been the child as well as now the parent dealing w/ distant grandparents. Consider taking your DD to the nursing home to meet the residents. Many would love visits from a child
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:19 AM on Feb. 16, 2010

  • That's a toughie. I do think someone should talk to her, I'm just not sure if it should be you. You are your daughter's mother, and therefore better able to see and realize the consequences of what's going on right now. But...regardless of how long and how well you knew/know this woman, you don't know her reasons for this behavior. I think the best way to go about this would be for you to talk to your SO and have him then talk to his mom. She may take it better coming from him, and she may be more open with him about what's up than she would be with you.
    tropicalmama

    Answer by tropicalmama at 12:53 AM on Feb. 16, 2010

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