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How do I stop moving?I know how unstable it is for my children and continue to do so.

I am a single mom in my mid 30's.When I was growing up my parents moved a lot,because they couldnt afford the rent,I have inherited this impulsiveness and it isnt that I cant afford to live at a particular residence,mostly I find a cosmetic reason of why the house is not good enough,or the schools are much better in another area.This has been going on with me for as long as I can remember and I dont know how to stop even though I know the confusion and lack of security that my children must feel.I went to see a psychiatrist because of this and all she told me was that there isnt a magic pill for that,it comes with maturity.I dont know how it feels to live in the same house for more than 8 months.My oldest son is 16 and my youngest daughter is 6.Im afraid that I have caused emotional issues with my children because of this and dont know how to stop this reckless behavior.I dont think my kids realize the damage that Ive done.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 3:14 AM on Feb. 16, 2010 in General Parenting

Answers (7)
  • Why do you consider it unstable? If you had a valid reason for moving? Not everyone likes to stay in the same place. How about not considering it a fault and embracing who you are without feeling guilty?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:23 AM on Feb. 16, 2010

  • Military families have to move a lot and I don't think it makes them less stable.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:41 AM on Feb. 16, 2010

  • Stop renting and buy something. That will keep you from moving. Then if there are cosmetic problems FIX THEM. Are you going to still be doing this in your 50's or your 80's? The first step in fixing a problem is recognizing that you have one. Congratulations, you just took the first step. Now ask yourself why you are single. Are you the same way about men. The grass isn't always greener obviously. You just get a new set of problems.

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:44 AM on Feb. 16, 2010

  • I'm a military spouse, and we've moved a LOT. But, I have to agree, if you haven't ever lived anywhere longer than 8 months at a time, and from the sounds of it, you're not moving because you have a need to move, but because you were looking for a reason to justify moving, just because you've lived there a few months, then honestly, yes, that's a problem.

    Have you considered the possibility that because you grew up this way, you're afraid? Like maybe you're afraid to settle in one place for any length of time, because you've never done it, so you're afraid you won't be any good at it? Sort of like the house version of "I'll dump you before you can dump me".... Or that if you stay in one place, then it might somehow be a criticism of your parents and how they raised you?

    There's nothing wrong with moving and making a home in a new place. But you have to be willing

    cont
    sailorwifenmom

    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 8:23 AM on Feb. 16, 2010

  • cont
    There's nothing wrong with moving and making a home in a new place, but you have to be willing to put down roots in that place while you're there. It sounds like its the thought of those roots that scare you. I think once you realize that putting down those roots, and making a commitment to staying somewhere doesn't mean you're STUCK there forever, it just means that you CHOOSE to stay awhile, and if there's a problem, to work on fixing it. (And accepting that there really isn't a such thing as a "perfect house, in a perfect spot, with the perfect situation" - each place, like people, is going to have flaws, and some you just have to accept.

    Once you see that staying is a choice and you're in charge of it, just like leaving is. I think once you're good with that, then it will be easier for you and your kids.

    Anyway, just my opinion. Good luck with things!
    sailorwifenmom

    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 8:33 AM on Feb. 16, 2010

  • Well, I agree there isn't a magic fix. I agree with trying to buy a house so that its more permanent. Also, get involved in your kid's schools and other community activities so that you aren't as tempted to ripp them away from it. Do you change jobs each time you move?

    My SKs mom has moved 4 times in less than 3 years. and I know she has moved a lot before I was in the picture as well. She actually just moved. As long as she doesn't pull the kids out of school again this year, this will be the FIRST year in my SD's school years that she has not changed schools. She has really had trouble staying on track. She needs to stay at this school....so my SO is going to do everything he can to keep her and her brother there.

    I don't think you have done as much harm to your kids as you are thinking. I personally do feel that stability is better as long as you are able to give that stability.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:05 AM on Feb. 16, 2010

  • I would also recommend owning a place so it is yours.

    If you cannot buy a house or condo, how about redecorating or moving the furniture. It is an easy way to "fix" a living space and make it look new. If you are just rearranging the furniture it is also completely free.
    balagan_imma

    Answer by balagan_imma at 10:21 AM on Feb. 16, 2010

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