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Parents (more of a vent)

My parents have been divorced since I was 5. My stepmother has been around since I was 10. Well this new years they all had this stupid fight. My dad has a , well i guess rather open relationship. And a friend of his was at this party, she hit on my brother and pissed off my SIL. She hit on my DH, pissed me off. I dont care about the relationship my dad has. Not my business. But my mom was there, drunk, and got mad. Started yelling and fighting and cursing. Pretty much everyone ended up yelling and fighting one way or another. 12 days later was my sons bday party. Mom refused to go cuz my dad was there. My daughters first birthday is in July. And she talking like nt going. Dad has told mom that we have to figure out some place but his house for the birthdays now, but hasn't told me. My stepmom is constantly harassing my mother now. They are all just so selfish. They cant get along for a couple hours for the kids! I told (cont)

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 5:53 AM on Feb. 16, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (4)
  • them i refuse to do two parties. This is about the kids, not them. ANd if they can't grow up enough to act decent for them, they can explain why they wont come. I'm due in June and my mom is throwing a hissy fit about having to see dad. I told her the same thing. It happens once, I can't deliver with him there then with you. They've been there for the other two, so she could explain to the third why she wasn't there. Drives me nuts, I'm 23 years old, and she still drags me into these stupid fights with them. I don't want a part of it. Yea I'm pissed about my Stepmom always causing a scene, constantly talking bad about my mother. Texting her and harassing her all the time. But what can i do. They dont listen to me..I've told mom to ignore her, but she wont
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:53 AM on Feb. 16, 2010

  • Your pregnant. You need to distance yourself from this stress. I know it's hard, but you have to try.
    They are all adults (even if they refuse to act like it) and you can't control what they say or do. So let them all know once what your opinion of the situation is- that they need to grow up and think about the grandkids- and then go forward without your plans. Pick somewhere else for parties, but only have one. If your mom really won't go, she'll be the one to miss out. Perhaps she can just take the kids out by herself sometime around then. But let her know that SHE is the one making that choice, not you. As for having the baby- if you have to do without her, the baby won't care at that time. My mother missed the birth of my two youngest, and it hasn't hurt their relationship at all.
    mandaday

    Answer by mandaday at 7:16 AM on Feb. 16, 2010

  • I would just tell all of them that if they want to bicker and act like children- that is their right, but you don't care to hear about it or be sucked into their drama. As for the party, I agree you should only have 1 party, and if they want to come -(knowing everyone is invited and they will have to suck it up and behave) fine, If they don't want to come- it is THEIR choice. I would have the party at a neutral place-- like a park or Chuck-E-Cheese for example. Same for the birth of your child-- it is their choice to make and they have to live with whatever they decide.
    MizLee

    Answer by MizLee at 11:04 AM on Feb. 16, 2010

  • I think if I were in your position, I would tell them what the plans are, if you want to even include them. I would then tell them that unless they can come and behave like adults, putting away all their pettiness for the day, evening, or however length of time, then to please just not come. I personally don't think there would be anything wrong with telling them that while you have had to live with all their junk for all these years, you do not intend for your children to have to and that you are going to do everything within your power to see to it that it does not happen, including calling the police to come and take them away should that be what is necessary. There are times when one has to draw very specific boundaries and then enforce them. Unfortunately, that can have to be extended to include parents who have never considered how their actions affect others. Love must be tough, and that means drawing some lines.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 12:09 PM on Feb. 16, 2010

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