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Daddies in the delivery room?? Strange problem, plz help

* I asked this last night and accidentally closed it*
ok, so I'm not proud that I don't know who the father of my soon to be child is.. but that's not the issue. The problem is that the one who lives 2000 miles away wants to come up for the birth. What do I do?? How can I make sure this birth is not stressful and still allow him to be around and meet the child that might be his? Both parties are aware of the situation, the man I live with and have a daughter with is the other potential father. I guess technically I"m still with him although we have a very complicated and unhappy relationship. Please no bashing, I've got enough stress from the situation as it is, just please, give me suggestions on how to resolve this situation peacefully for everyone. I want whoever IS the father to have a chance to see/meet their child. The paternity test will be done as soon as it is born, but results won't be back for 4-6 week

 
kristal2146

Asked by kristal2146 at 10:03 AM on Feb. 16, 2010 in Pregnancy

Level 8 (246 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (13)
  • I completely understand where you are coming from but in all honesty I don't think there will be much conflict in the delivery room of a hospital of all places. Just try to keep in mind that it's not their fault you guys are in this situation, so just try to be as comprimising as possible because if either of them are the father it would be pretty f'd up that they couldn't see their child being born if they wanted to. Esp. the guy that lives further away; at leat the one you live with has already gotten a chance to experience this. I know u must feel really bad but on the other hand u will be so focused on having the baby maybe you won't even realize they are there.
    deirdrejones

    Answer by deirdrejones at 11:43 AM on Feb. 16, 2010

  • Tell him since you don't know who the father is. You don't want both in the delivery room. You want it to be as stress free as possible. He can come and wait in the waiting room and see the baby after you are done deliverying and ready for them.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:05 AM on Feb. 16, 2010

  • Regardless of the problem you presented you have the right to say no to anyone who wants to be in the room. My in laws wanted to be in the room and I said no. If its going to add stress to you then just say no. There will be plenty of time for him to meet the child after dna tests show he is the father.
    gemgem

    Answer by gemgem at 10:08 AM on Feb. 16, 2010

  • Agree 100 percent with first PP.. Have a close friend or family member in the Delivery room with you for support. Both men should remain in the waiting room or else where until the baby is born. Either way, until you know who the father is, it will be a stressful situation with both men at the hospital but you can request no visitors in your room and the nursing staff will keep anyone you don't want in the room out.. Or you can not tell the man that is 2000 miles away until after the birth that the baby was born and you need a DNA sample for the testing..
    midnightmoma

    Answer by midnightmoma at 10:12 AM on Feb. 16, 2010

  • The delivery needs to be calm and stress free for you so that the baby is healthy. The birth, up until that baby is fully out, is all about you...keeping you healthy, comfortable, and calm. So, you should have the man you are in a relationship with in the birthing room with you for support. The other potential dad is welcome to wait in the waiting room. Both men can meet the baby when he/she is just minutes old.

    This really is a non issue. You may be stressed about it because of the pregnancy hormones or because you feel guilty for creating the situation, but the other man has no business being in the birthing room if you aren't comfortable with him being there.

    I've known women who don't let their husbands in the birthing room because they're having marital problems and don't feel supported by their husbands and choose their moms or best friends to be with them instead.
    ThrivingMom

    Answer by ThrivingMom at 10:12 AM on Feb. 16, 2010

  • oh gosh, personally, because your present s o's relationship with you is very complicated in addition to another man possibly being baby's daddy I would either have a computer camera / I phone set up to real time each of them pictures as it happens moment of birth in delivery room or

    have a neutral third party be support for you who loves you more than that third party loves either of the two potential fathers.

    And then after paternity test share birth pictures.

    You being stressfree are most important - present s o probably wants to be there in case he's daddy and long distant s o wants to be there in case he's daddy proven later on down the line.

    How with two men in the picture both of whom want to be with you at THE MOMENT how can they give Happy Joyful RESPECT to you and also each other being themselves together at this important time?

    I think you shouldn't have either one with you and use a camera instead.
    lfl

    Answer by lfl at 10:13 AM on Feb. 16, 2010

  • Now since they are aware of each other would there be a fight if they're in the same room? If not and if they're both supportive of the baby and want to be involved (I'm the odd one out it appears) it's not their fault the father is not known. Real fathers don't want to miss the birth of their child. If neither man is going to cause a scene I can't see not letting him there as fair.
    dharmas_mommy

    Answer by dharmas_mommy at 10:19 AM on Feb. 16, 2010

  • only you can deicde how and who you want in your labor room , if it take 4-6 weeks for test to come through, see a friend rather than the dad to be with you as when you do get the results back the baby will only be a month or so old so he/she wont miss out at all on bonding with daddy and they both have to agree with you on this as it wouldnt be fare for both to have heir hopes built up and spend those weeks with him/her to find ut baby aint theirs, if you no what i mean, i really feel for you and hope it goes right for you darl , i'll be thinking ov you and i hope you have a stress free labor , all the best xxx
    happymam2b

    Answer by happymam2b at 10:28 AM on Feb. 16, 2010

  • Real men dont want to miss the birth? My daughters husband passed out at the first birth of his son, and opted out for the second. He is a real man and wonderful father.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:30 AM on Feb. 16, 2010

  • Real fathers don't want to miss the birth of their child.

    Well that's a load of horse shit, it's not about the fathers men weren't even aloud in the delivery rooms until some where around the sixties so I don't know where all of these women get the idea that in order to be a good dad he has to be there during the delivery. Yeah it's nice but it's not a necessity I know plenty of men who missed the deliveries of their children my husband included and he is still an excellent man and father. I have to agree that you should have both men wait in the waiting room and then have a neutral third party help you deliver your baby. It's the only way to be completely fair to both of them, other then letting them both in hte room but well there's only one cord to cut isn't there?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:39 AM on Feb. 16, 2010