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Small first birthday party vs. big first birthday party and a relative who obviously does not know what no means..

I had decided my son's first bday party was going to be small. Just his grandparents, great grandmother, and his dad and I. Decorate - make lasagna, appetizers - presents - cake and ice cream.

His great aunt called asking about her invitation yesterday. I said she could stop by the next day if she wanted because I was just having a very small party. She threw a FIT so I finally caved and said she could stop early in the day just to visit..

Now I keep getting calls/msgs from other family members about his party and they all SOMEHOW think they are invited over early in the afternoon for a party!

I guess I make more cake, more food, move the party to early in the day?! It's not the hassle it's just that the budget is tight since they disallowed over-time at SO's work.

Would it be unbelievably rude for me to call everyone and tell them that this is all a snaffoo and no one is invited? I probably can't, can I? :(


Asked by Anonymous at 10:45 AM on Feb. 16, 2010 in General Parenting

This question is closed.
Answers (13)
  • Too bad its not summer, then you could have it at a park. :) Well i think potlucking is a nice idea for your budget. You can even ask someone to bring plates/cups/napkins instead of food so you REALLY don't have to spend any extra money at all. Let them know you werent trying to be rude and that the house is just small for alot of guests. If you don't want toys you can ask them to get board books, finger paint, markers, building blocks, creative toys. And if they buy lots of high tech toys that you don't want all over put them away for those rainy and whiney days that are sure to come. Or for when he stays with a sitter or family member and needs something extra interesting to play with. I've learned that part of being a mom is my not being such a tight planner and adapting to quick changes. Thats something I don't like doing, lol. But you'll be fine. Don't purposely make tiny plates or be rude like some have suggested....

    Answer by MamaChamp at 11:16 AM on Feb. 16, 2010

  • Well...I'm going to be completely frank with you. It sounds like they love your baby and want to celebrate this special day with him and you're selfishly keeping that from them. I DO understand the budget crisis. But if that is the only reason you can simply make it a potluck and ask guests to bring food. A great benefit to more guests is more presents which you'd probably appreciate right now. But is it really that you don't like them and don't want them their? I think you kind of have to suck this one up...let them be in your childs life. Its one day. And be NICE about it. Sorry...i know that might sound *itchy...but..

    Answer by MamaChamp at 10:48 AM on Feb. 16, 2010

  • that sucks sweetie!

    I'm like you on the birthday parties for little ones. They don't want a big party anyways. It's all the other adults that want a big party.

    Me, I'd call them up and tell them someone is sick and it's canceled or something.

    Another option since you're on a bit of a budget is to call all the people that want to come and turn it into like a potluck. Make them bring food and stuff, and you just worry about what you were originally going to make for it.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:49 AM on Feb. 16, 2010

  • It's hard since you've already been taking the calls and didn't explain it then. It may seem like you are uninviting them now evben though you didn't invite them in the first place. Maybe you could have a meal with the close relatives like you planned and then do cake with everyone at a different time. You can bake up a batch of cupcakes for very little. I know it's not what you wanted or what you planned, but this might be the most graceful way to handle it. Your son is lucky so many people want to be involved with his birthday. No one other than grandparents even bothered to send a card for my kids' first birthday parties, and when I threw a bigger party for my twin's 2nd birthday some of my relatives didn't bother to come or even call.

    I hope it goes ok and doesn't stress you out too much. GL!

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:53 AM on Feb. 16, 2010

  • Wow... catering to boors is such a pain, hey?

    What do you suppose is the technical difference between being invited to someone's home and demanding to be let in?

    I don't make extra anything for boors who barge in. In fact, I might go out of my way to make it absolutely clear that there is not enough to go around--by having individual desserts already plated and placed front and centre in the main room of the house maybe. Or not enough chairs for them to sit...

    You're probably going to get a lot of flak about this, but that mostly comes from people who are under the impression that it's their house, so they get to choose, not your house so you don't. They're mistaken. There is no relationship --business or family-- that excuses rudeness or a sense of entitlement to someone else's property, hospitality or time.

    Let them see their rudeness in your discomfort, and in there being insufficient space and food for them.

    Answer by LindaClement at 10:58 AM on Feb. 16, 2010

  • I agree with wanting a smaller birthday party. My dd's all seem to think that their kids need these big party's every year and I have seen way to many melt downs of the birthday child. At this point I don't see that you have any choice but let them all come since you didn't tell them anything the first time you called. I'd have the cake & ice cream and cut small pieces. Keep the meal out of it as far as family goes.

    Answer by baconbits at 11:01 AM on Feb. 16, 2010

  • OP) Well, the first couple I was just like "It'll still be small" then they just kept coming and I stopped answering the phone. lol

    We have a very large, pretty close family. It's not that I don't LIKE our family I just have a really small house, not a ton of money right now, and my son doesn't really like huge crowds in here anyway. I just thought it'd be nice to have a nice, small, relaxing party.

    A lot of presents are really not on my list of desires. I actually prefer to keep the toy levels in check. I believe it fosters creativity to have limited amounts of "fancy high-tech" toys.

    Oh well. I suppose cupcakes are a good idea!! Thanks. I didn't think about calling people and telling them to bring a dish! I didn't think about that either. Will do.


    Answer by Anonymous at 11:03 AM on Feb. 16, 2010

  • OP) This is in the process of happening! I have not talked to most of them yet!

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:05 AM on Feb. 16, 2010

  • ...thats kind of childish and thats not the mood you want to have your precious babies first birthday party. Its totally not worth it. Just have fun!!

    Answer by MamaChamp at 11:17 AM on Feb. 16, 2010

  • OP) Thank you for the thoughtful answers MamaChamp. I wouldn't be rude about it - I wouldn't want to start a family feud or something over this.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:42 AM on Feb. 16, 2010