Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Agree or disagree: A man can only be as controlling as you allow him to be.

State your case and why you feel the way you do.

I agree. I think the SECOND a man shows that he HAS to be the controlling factor in the relationship, and gives no room for compromise, a woman needs to leave, or don't b*tch about it. "Oh. He's so controlling! I'm scared to leave!"
Bullspit. There are SO many resources, and it is a lot easier to leave than some women make it out to be. He can't be home ALL the time, or awake ALL the time.
To me personally, I feel that physical abuse is way worse than cheating. I was in ONE abusive relationship. I broke up with the @$$hole the first time he bit my lip so hard that it bled, because he was mad that I wouldn't have sex with him because I was sick. That relationship only lasted 3 weeks. I'll be damned if I let a man get over on me like that.

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 4:19 PM on Feb. 16, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (7)
  • I agree 10000%. People can only control you if you let them. The REAL victims in all this is the poor children who have no say in who their father is and grow up with a horrible, controlling man as their dad.
    I wish I could get this thru my sister's thick skull!!

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:23 PM on Feb. 16, 2010

  • Disagree. Many women do not recognize the problem until they are very deep in it. In the beginning you may think he is very concerned for you and is showing love by trying to protect you. You may be very flattered, especially if you don't already have excellent self-esteem. The situation evolves and he takes control in ways you may not even realize. It is a gradual transformation, and it's very easy to never realize what is going on until you are trapped. And, yes, I do mean trapped - living in the middle of nowhere with no transportation and no phone, very little time when he isn't around, threats to your family if you do leave. I have been there and escape was not easy. I had to run a car through a fence and drive to Women's Protective Services. I now recognize even slight signs of controlling behavior, and I intend to teach my girls to look out for it too, but I will never blame a woman for "letting" this happen.


    Answer by Anonymous at 4:32 PM on Feb. 16, 2010

  • :23...Remember, the mama is just as at fault!!! Sometimes, the woman is WORSE than the man by trying to use the kids to keep the man in a relationship with her and if the man doesn't budge, then she gets all mental which pushes said man's buttons!
    I hope things get better for your nieces/nephews really soon.

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:33 PM on Feb. 16, 2010

  • :32...I agree that SOMETIMES a woman IS NOT to blame. I am really glad you got out! But to outright say "never" far too extreme. Sometimes the woman IS to blame. But in your case, you clearly were not.

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:35 PM on Feb. 16, 2010

  • response to :35 - Anon:32 here - I agree with you, and I won't say it is NEVER a woman's fault at all. I also believe you can't say ALWAYS, because that is wrong too. This is not a black and white issue. I have found myself frustrated with other women since my ordeal because I thought they should get out, but having been there myself I do understand that things are often not as simple as they may appear on the outside. Sometimes things have to get so bad you would rather die than continue living in fear. When I left I had to move to a different town and start over, and for YEARS I thought I saw his vehicle in my rear view mirror. This happened to me and I consider myself a very strong woman, so I do understand how it is not that simple for some women to break away from a controlling man even if they really want to.


    Answer by Anonymous at 4:59 PM on Feb. 16, 2010

  • I guess it appears Ii contradicted myself to some extent.

    "but I will never blame a woman for "letting" this happen."

    "I won't say it is NEVER a woman's fault at all."

    What I mean is it is never entirely a woman's fault. Without a controlling man it wouldn't matter what she allowed or didn't allow, because a good man would not take advantage of the situation. Women with low self-esteem are magnets for controlling men. The best thing you can do for your daughters to make sure this never happens to them is instill a sense of self-worth and value. Young women need to know that they are valuable and it isn't right for a man to treat them this way. Just because a girl comes from a happy healthy family does not mean she will know this. My dad was not a controller, and my mom was not week. I was just shy and unsure of myself. I hope my girls will know they deserve the best.

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:12 PM on Feb. 16, 2010

  • You put that SO well 32/12!!!

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:28 PM on Feb. 16, 2010

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.