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Working mom needing help

Hi all. I have a 4 year old and a 9 month old. This is my day.

Morning: 3 out of 5 weekday I have to get my 4 year old out of bed (never fun) and get her ready for school while I get myself ready for work. She almost always makes me late.

Work: I work with computers so I either have high people at the university needing me, or someone can't work because of a virus or computer is down. Very little down time.

Home: Pick on DD at pre-school then off to pick up DS at daycare (2 different places for money reasons). Get home. Put DS down at which point he cries (he cries almost always when he is not being held). DD wants something, mostly attention. I start dishes. I start laundry. I get DS fed. I get DD's dinner ready. I get DD in a bath. I give DS a bath. Somewhere in here (around 7:30 or so) DH comes home from work. I try to get dinner for him ready. I do dinner after that. Please read response for more.

Answer Question
 
theatregirl26

Asked by theatregirl26 at 4:46 PM on Feb. 16, 2010 in General Parenting

Level 3 (14 Credits)
Answers (10)
  • Weekends we run from sun up to sun down because DH doesn't want to stop moving. I go because it is family and it is the only day we are all together.

    Sundays I normally go to church then come home and stay home. My DH is working so it is just me and the kids. They take naps. I clean and read. I make home made food for the week.

    So, here is my question. How many mom's out there are trying to be the SAHM's you want to be in the very short time you have. I would love to be a SAHM but we already live in a 2 bedroom apartment and I make more than my husband so I can't stay home. I feel so torn. I feel so stressed. I would make a great sahm but I can't. I am good at my job, but feel I have to make up for not being at home all the time. How do all of you wonderful women deal with this. I never felt this way when I just had my DD. With her, I have time to spend. But with two, it is much harder. Any suggestions?
    theatregirl26

    Answer by theatregirl26 at 4:47 PM on Feb. 16, 2010

  • Can you get DH to help? Since it appears for now, you need to work, can you get him to help some? I am sure you would be a great SAHM but it may not work for now. Can he start the laundry or bath the children?Can he take the children to daycare or pick them up for you? Working yourself to the point of sickness isn't going to help anyone. Since both of you work, then both of you should help around the house. If he won't help, get a cleaning lady. I know it's an expense but it would save your sanity.
    CorrinaWithrow

    Answer by CorrinaWithrow at 4:54 PM on Feb. 16, 2010

  • He does help. He sometimes does the baths and he is known for doing his laundry, but others only if it is asked a few times. He has starting doing the dishes more too. He takes our son to day care every day from Friday. He is off Fridays so he is home to take care of the kids. That day he runs like crazy too and is out most of the day. He takes the kids at night sometimes too. But when he does that I feel quilty. I have so little time with them to begin with and then I am suggesting I have time alone doesn't seem right. I know I need time to myself sometimes, but when I don't get enough time with the kids to start with, it is really hard for me to justify that. I know I don't spend the time I want with my DD because of my DS and I don't spend the time I want with my DS because of my DD. I want to be a good mom and I feel like I am failing them because I am not home with them.
    theatregirl26

    Answer by theatregirl26 at 4:59 PM on Feb. 16, 2010

  • My schedule:
    7AM: get up, get dressed, get 6 yr old ready for school (dressed, fed etc) Get super grumpy 3 yr old up and dressed.

    8:30: take 6 yr old to school

    9-11: Get 3 yr old fed, house cleaned, laundry done, take something out for dinner and write out cooking instructions for hubby

    11-1230: Take shower, get ready for work, pack lunch, get stuff together for work

    1230-1:15: lunch w/3 yr old

    1:15-2:15: pick up 6 yr old, get her a snack, ask her how school was, go through her school work

    2:30: drop girls off with my mom at the HS she works at where traffic is horrible!

    3-midnight: I work at a gas station/grocery store

    Midnight-2AM: drive home, pick up the house do dinner dishes, make sure I have work clothes for the next day, check email, write out bills etc.

    2AM-7AM: Sleep

    I've been on this schedule for almost 2 years. lol. I haven't crashed and gon
    Malibustacy

    Answer by Malibustacy at 5:07 PM on Feb. 16, 2010

  • e into hibernation yet! lol. Hang in there, they move out when they turn 18. =) haha jk.
    I think key points are to remember to take some time for yourself! and to never be too proud to ask for a little help!! Good luck!
    Malibustacy

    Answer by Malibustacy at 5:12 PM on Feb. 16, 2010

  • First, and this is not a criticism, you said your daughter makes you late. Simply not true. A four year old is not in charge of your schedule. I didn't see what time you put the four year old to sleep. But 7:30 or 8:00 at the latest her head should be on a pillow sleeping.  Waking up in plenty of time, keeping in mind you know how long it takes to get your child ready for school, so that no one is rushed.  If a child is rushed they are resistant and cranky.  When rushed they will put road blocks in your way.  Plenty of sleep and non rushed mornings.  Packing lunches the night before, laying out clothes the night before, packing your car the night before, and getting yourself ready before you even wake her up can help.  If your husband can assist you in your routine with your daughter that might help.  Can your husband get your daughter ready for school and take her?

    frogdawg

    Answer by frogdawg at 10:13 PM on Feb. 16, 2010

  • Sometimes having someone else getting you ready makes all the difference personality wise. Your husband might have the no nonsense approach she will comply with. Or at least you won't have to be the one to do it all. Third, making dinners ahead of time and freezing them or having the crockpot be your new best friend. A little work before the weekdays can go a long way to smoother weekends. Also - Hell would freeze over before I cooked, cleaned, worked outside of the home, and did all you do AND cook dinner EVERY night for my husband. He can fend for himself. At least some nights. And he can cook dinner or freeze some for the week just as well as you can. I would also require some nap time or me time for a couple of hours on the weekend. If husband wants you to go go and go he has to give you rest, rest, and more rest.
    frogdawg

    Answer by frogdawg at 10:17 PM on Feb. 16, 2010

  • First, my daughter does make me late. I can get up at 5:30am so I can drop her off before 8 and we are still late. If she wakes up on her own, we are good, but if not, we aren't alway good. She is getting better (pre-school) has been since fall so this is getting better. She was also have some issues with going and fighting going. She was good once she got there most of the time. Now all that is past so we are getting better. My husband is not a morning person. He was the one up with our son for a long time so I never wanted to wake him. Now our son is sleeping in his crib and through the night most nights so I should starting asking to help. He did today when I overslept (our DS was up half the night). Good suggestion.
    theatregirl26

    Answer by theatregirl26 at 9:29 AM on Feb. 17, 2010

  • Sorry, I shouldn't have said first on the last message. I guess I didn't have more to post so sorry for the mistake.

    I do cook. I make home made chicken noodle soup (with veggies ground up since my DD won't eat them otherwise) for the week. I freeze whatever isn't eaten for next time. I make tomato sauces, other soups, and sometimes pot roast which turns into soup as well. If I am organized enough I do something in the moring in the crock pot, but it isn't easy.

    Making my DH something is starting the oven and putting in chicken patties. He is doing no/low carb while I am not (don't agree with that but that is another post). So I may start the over for him and stick it in. Nothing big. Sometimes I don't get that far. He is a great father and husband, but he thinks like a guy while I think like a mom.

    I have talked to him about this and he is helping more. It's a good thing.
    theatregirl26

    Answer by theatregirl26 at 9:33 AM on Feb. 17, 2010

  • Do any of you out there feel quilty about not being at home and trying to do it all?
    theatregirl26

    Answer by theatregirl26 at 9:39 AM on Feb. 17, 2010

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