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What do you do if your SO wants the 1st baby but not the second? (he wants me to an abortion)

My son is 8 months and I just found out I'm pregnant again.

My boyfriend wasn't really excited about our 1st baby but he WAS accepting. He hasn't been the greatest father but he hasn't been the worst either. He won't move in with us but he does help out with my son sometimes.

Anyway I'm pregnant again by surprise. It is equally my fault and his. I never got back on BC and he won't wear a condom.

He says he doesn't want the baby, wants me to get an abortion (which I will NOT do) and says if I have the baby he'll terminate his rights to the baby when it's born.

I'm so upset. How am I going to tell my baby that his daddy didn't want him or her and that's why only his or her brother gets to spend time with daddy?

Anyone been through this...Did he ever warm up to the baby?

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 8:43 PM on Feb. 16, 2010 in Pregnancy

Answers (17)
  • sounds like you picked a real loser not once but twice!
    you need to ditch the a$$hole ASAP! people don't change just because you want them to!
    and I would not even let your son go spend any time with him if he doesn't want the second. (and that will look really bad on him in custody court BTW!)

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:46 PM on Feb. 16, 2010

  • i agree totally with anon 8:46. i am sorry you are going through this hun.

    Answer by eva123 at 8:47 PM on Feb. 16, 2010

  • im not trying to change your opinions, but if i was you, i would get the abortion. why put yourself and a baby through that? thats a sad thing for a child. if your in the early stages, your not going to be "murdering a baby" - its just sperm & egg tissue the size of a grain of sand. i would just get the abortion, learn from your mistake, and move on from this guy, and then have your next baby with someone more caring and better sutied to be a father. but if you choose to keep the baby, good luck to you and your children. you should still move on and find a good stepfather for them. whatever you do, just please dont give that baby up for adoption.

    Answer by PURPULbutterfly at 8:51 PM on Feb. 16, 2010

  • Drop his ass pronto! Let him terminate his rights,and while he's at it,have him sue you for visitation of your first child!

    Answer by TMJ121099 at 8:52 PM on Feb. 16, 2010

  • i don't think he can terminate rights without you accepting that, he has to pay child support whether or not he wants to. i personally think you should have it if you want or get an abortion if you want. either way, make his ass PAY! screw him just getting to "drop" his responsibilies bc he thinks he can.

    Answer by angevil53 at 8:56 PM on Feb. 16, 2010

  • So let me get this straight, PURPUL, it's ok to kill my baby who's heart beat I've already seen but it's NOT okay to give it life and give it up for adoption?

    Wow and I thought I was screwed up!

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:58 PM on Feb. 16, 2010

  • you can go ahead and try to offend me all you want, you asked for peoples opinions, and i gave you mine. if you didnt want it, why did you ask? like i said, in my opinion, i dont think you would be killing your baby. and i think it would be very sad for a child if his mom and brother were living together as a family, but he was off with some other people who hes not related to by blood at all. BUT THATS MY OPINION.
    are u the OP? really trying to offend me saying im screwed up when you got two babys with a dad who doesnt give a shit about any of? please. grow up.

    Answer by PURPULbutterfly at 9:00 PM on Feb. 16, 2010

  • Do what YOU want to do...and understand that this walking sack o'^*&* has NO SAY in it.

    I'd also have his rights to the first child terminated.

    Answer by gdiamante at 9:26 PM on Feb. 16, 2010

  • First of all, not trying to sound mean...but if he was only "accepting" of your first son and will not move in with you guys...why are you still with him? He obviously doesn't care about his first son and if I thought ANYONE didn't care about my kid I wouldn't have anything to do with them.

    Another thing, if he is acting that way toward the first son and you don't want another both are being ridiculous. He "won't" wear a condom? Then you don't have sex with him. It's that simple. It's your body, if you don't want another child then you tell him how it's going to be, no love.

    Now, my advice would what makes you feel okay with yourself as far as the new baby goes. It's your decision hon, not his.

    And I would ditch him and as the pp said, have his rights to your other son terminated as well. He doesn't deserve you or your kids.

    Answer by nessani28 at 9:33 PM on Feb. 16, 2010

  • The court won't allow him to terminate his rights to one child and not the other, he can take responsibility for both or none, and yes you have to agree to his termination of rights because it is a way people use to get out of paying child support. Please don't listen to Purpl her answer was disgusting and insensitive. I would drop him like a bad habit, he doesn't deserve you or either of his children. Take his ass to court and make him pay, and move on you don't need a mean horrible nasty person like him in your life.

    Answer by truealaskanmom at 9:33 PM on Feb. 16, 2010

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