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250 lb Bulimic, what to do?

so I was heavy as a child. When I turned fifteen. My cousin suggested that i try to throw up what I eat so I can lose weight.. I was desperate. so I started sticking my fingers down my throat to force myself to barf all I eat.. I dont' remember if it helped me lose weight then. but it became a licence to eat. Why NOT eat? since you are going to throw it up anyways , it's like you didn't eat at all.

My Mom.. when she saw me eat. she would say, if I were you , I would go throw it up so you wouldn't gain more weight... Lovely dont' you think .. I never knew the term bulimic.. not till I was twenty nine.. and I was still binge eating and throwing up..

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 3:48 AM on Feb. 17, 2010 in Politics & Current Events

Answers (9)

  • now , I am thirty eight.. still eating and throwing up.. still gaining weight.. I hate myself for it.. every time I throw up, I have one of those" bathroom pledges" with myself. that THIS IS THE LAST TIME. that TOMORROW I WILL START A REAL DIET. that I HAVE TO STOP SO I CAN RAISE MY KIDS. . that a FAT MOM IS BETTER THAN A DEAD MOM. . but then I leave the bathroom. go to the kitchen. do some stuff. then find myself eating again.

    Don't know what to do. don' want to go see a doctor. people here feed off gossip. they will ruin my family..



    don' know why I am typing this either. May be a last attempt at self loathing. or maybe when I get hateful comments on here it will some how get me out of this endless hell.

    HELP.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:49 AM on Feb. 17, 2010

  • Honey listen, my baby sister went through the same thing. She finally spoke to her doctor about it and they helped her get all the way. Please talk to your doctor tomorrow and let them know you need help. All the throwing up is dangerous, and does effect your body. The doctor will help you with therapy and find specialist to help you. You are worth fighting for and your children need you to get that help. Please keep us updated with how you are doing.
    pnwmom

    Answer by pnwmom at 4:01 AM on Feb. 17, 2010

  • You need to get some professional help. This is so dangerous. I know somebody who was bulimic for several years and ended up dying from it. You don't want your life to end, so get help quickly.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:30 AM on Feb. 17, 2010

  • I have to agree with the other two posters. Having an eating disorder for such a long time can do a lot of harm to your body. You likely don't even know all of the things wrong with you (inside), nor do you know what the consequences going forward are. One of the first things I would say is to start to distance yourself from those that trigger your disorder. I would distance myself from my mother if she was promoting throwing up instead of a steady diet. You don't want your kids to learn that this is normal and this is what they should do when they grow older. Even if you have such self loathing that you can't seem to look for help for yourself, look for it because your kids need you. What would you want your own child to do? Continue down the same path that you know will end badly, or get the help they need? Give yourself the same chance at life.

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:04 AM on Feb. 17, 2010

  • I'm sorry. The only thing I can tell you is to check yourself into the ER. They'll help you find a course of treatment.

    I have a binge eating disorder. (I don't purge.) It's a disgusting, nasty disorder. I hate it. Everyone tells me to just hop on a treadmill and not eat so much. It just plain DOES NOT work like that.

    People don't understand.
    caitxrawks

    Answer by caitxrawks at 9:00 AM on Feb. 17, 2010

  • Eating disorders are about controlling things in your life. The problem is, you think you are controlling it while it is really controlling you. Whatever was happening when this all started made you feel like you were completely out of control and you needed to have a handle on things. You can always control what goes in (and comes out) of your mouth. Seems like it makes sense, but it's dangerous. You really do need professional help to get through this. I have heard that this more difficult than quitting any drug. You simply can't avoid food ever. You have to eat to live, so the temptation is always there.
    Please get help, your kids need you.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:07 AM on Feb. 17, 2010

  • you just to learn how to eat a little better. I will only throw up when I eat things that I know are fatting like junk food. So now I do not buy junk food for the home. Put less on your plate and remember you do not have to clean you plate.
    You do have to work on this everyday. For me I just try not to over eat and that has helped me a lot.

    You can be fat and be Bulimic.


    gammie

    Answer by gammie at 10:06 AM on Feb. 17, 2010

  • A pp was right. It isn't about food, it is about control. I ended up in the hospital when I was 23 years old. I had collapsed at my Mom's house and she had to call an ambulance. I spent almost a week in the hospital. The doctor was wonderful. I was anorexic, but I was still new to it. I wasn't yet at death's door. The doctor brought in a great therapist that dealt with eating disorders. It didn't take long to find my problem. My dad..he left us and got a new family. He briefly came back into my life the year before and left again. I had to completely let him go and that freed me. I have had no other problems with the disorder, I do know what to watch for in myself.

    Find the help you need and LIVE your life...it is too precious not too.



    1
    yourspecialkid

    Answer by yourspecialkid at 11:39 AM on Feb. 17, 2010

  • It is not about control. it's just about the food. enjoying the food and knowing I can throw it up. it's like a vicious circle I can't break away..
    I hear what you are all saying. I can't go to a doctor. this is a very small town. and my husband is a big deal here. He doesn't even know that I binge eat and throw up, we've been married for fifteen years. He doesn't suspect a thing.
    I know I will sign off here and go throw up the food I had this morning. or may be I will try and read your replies over and over and over and find some strength in them.
    I always plan to walk on the tread mill. but with my bad knees; it's not that easy
    Thank you all for your support.

    last week I managed to go two days without throwing up. I will try to go for four this week if I can. it's a long way. God help me.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:58 AM on Feb. 18, 2010

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