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should i tell my daughter?

my daughter turned 7 on dec 22nd and on new years eve i found out her father had shot himself. when should i tell her about him? she does not know him.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 4:19 AM on Feb. 17, 2010 in School-Age Kids (5-8)

Answers (7)
  • when she asks where he is. Maybe talk in a general way about when people are sad they might do things that make other people sad .. if you see something on telly, that sort of conversation can be in day to day talking even in the car... then when she asks where he is, you can say " do you remember when I said that when people are very very sad inside...?" Iys a crap thing to have to tell her, but if she isn't even asking yet, there is nothing to be achieved by telling her
    myheartx4

    Answer by myheartx4 at 4:29 AM on Feb. 17, 2010

  • if she doesn't know him you're only going to cause her emotional trauma by telling her. kids have a natural curiosity that they can't control. she'll want to know more and more about him and compound that with the truth you'll create a depression that's unnecessary. leave it for when she's much older and better able to handle the truth. she's only 7. you're not lying to her.
    Comfy

    Answer by Comfy at 5:05 AM on Feb. 17, 2010

  • i agree she is too young to understand any of it right now. if she never knew him then there is no reason to swell her life with the drama he has created. wait till she is in her later teens and in a good part in her life to where she can handle it and understand it.
    Bugsmommy1908

    Answer by Bugsmommy1908 at 5:41 AM on Feb. 17, 2010

  • even if she doesn"t know 'him' she knows she must have a Dad somewhere. The questions will come, well before late teens, so some of the ground work about either where Dad is or about suicide in an abstract way would be helpful. Late teens is not necessarily a 'good place' lots of hormones, first boyfriends, bitchy fights with friends etc. I would answer all questions as honestly as possible, and also talk about suicide in an age appropriate way, so it isn't a total shock that some people do that when she finally finds out about her dad. Above all else re-enforce that she wasn't to blame, had no part in it, it was his choice and she is allowed to feel sad and angry about it.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:40 AM on Feb. 17, 2010

  • if she doesnt know him what is the point?

    i would wait until she is older.
    Tummysmomma

    Answer by Tummysmomma at 9:48 AM on Feb. 17, 2010

  • I agree with Tummysmomma. Good luck on whatever you choose!
    MPWifeJessicia

    Answer by MPWifeJessicia at 10:18 AM on Feb. 17, 2010

  • thanks you guys.... his family is really bugging about wanting to know her im sure its because she is the baby.. and i thought i was doing the right thing and 7 of us cant be all wrong right? thanks for letting me know i was in the right by keeping her from all this....
    kadison

    Answer by kadison at 5:11 PM on Feb. 18, 2010

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