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new-mom sisnlaw tries to be supermom and blames me when she fails? wth?

Sisnlaw has a newborn but just enrolled in community college. Military pays her for childcare but she wants me to babysit for free so she can pocket the extra, then when I'm unavailable and she has to watch her own baby she has the audacity to blame me for her missing school! And still expects me to watch the baby. Wth?!?

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Comfy

Asked by Comfy at 4:34 AM on Feb. 17, 2010 in Relationships

Level 2 (10 Credits)
Answers (32)
  • Tell her its BS that she expects you to watch her kid for free... I mean seriously, I can see an occasional favor of doing it, but when you have to watch her baby all the time and she EXPECTS you to do it... thats just jacked up!!! Tell her you cant unless she pays you... Its not your fault she is missing school... she is the one that has the money to pay for a sitter but refuses too... not your fault at all!!! I wouldnt do it anymore.... then when she has to pay a sitter she will realize how helpful you were and maybe, just maybe she will be more thankful!!!
    sxc_mom_of2

    Answer by sxc_mom_of2 at 4:43 AM on Feb. 17, 2010

  • Oh girl! this shit goes so deep! Can I say shit? I'm happy to watch my nephew and told her I wouldn't always be able to help. She paid someone before me but not once has even offered to pay me. I don't even want payment but I do expect some respect. She needs a backup plan but likes to blame me for her problems. We loaned them our guest house rent-free so they could get on their feet just before and after the baby was born. They broke my brand new w/d unit and said it wasn't their fault bcuz it was "junk" wth??? I've gotten over that but this childish bs has to stop. She can't expect me to put my life on hold to help her out. I've got my own family and everytime I watch the baby my whole house stops. No cleaning, no laundry, no nothing because he requires so much. She's so disrespectful. And she refuses to talk on the phone. She has to text everything. My cat was just killed & all she wanted to know was if I would babysit.
    Comfy

    Answer by Comfy at 4:50 AM on Feb. 17, 2010

  • Tell her straight up that you dont mind watching the baby but she at least needs to be respectful... She needs to grow up and take responsibility for her own damn problems!!! If you cant babysit, then you cant babysit.... that means that she needs to spend her precious childcare money to what it was meant for... childcare!!!! Women like this drive me INSANE!!! Dont they realize how annoying it is when they expect everyone to treat them like they are the princess... Honey she needs to grow up and get outta dream land and into the real world where you pay for a damn sitter if you need one! She just doesnt realize it yet that a good sitter is hard to find, and when you do find one you treat them with the highest respect possible because they are taking care of your child... your precious little child! I dont know her, but she already annoys the shit outta me! LOL Good luck with her! LOL
    sxc_mom_of2

    Answer by sxc_mom_of2 at 5:05 AM on Feb. 17, 2010

  • Tell her she's ripping off every hard working tax payer (including your own hubby) trying to pocket the child care money for herself. Who watched your baby for free when you needed it?If she's just had a baby, What the F is she doing enrolling in community college and expecting you to be the mommy??? Just say no, parenting, or paying someone else to be the mommy if she doesn't want to is part of what she and her DH signed up for 9 months ago.
    What does your DH say (is it his sister, or brother?)
    myheartx4

    Answer by myheartx4 at 5:09 AM on Feb. 17, 2010

  • Thank you * sxc_mom_of2! She acts like the whole world owes her. For my brother's sake I've put up with a lot of her prissy attitude and "respect" is something she can't even pronounce! Let alone know how to give. I see myself in a situation to be a good example so I don't tell her what I feel for the most part. I'm also a good ten years older than her so I've learned somethings along the way about how actions can speak louder than words. But to accuse me of keeping her from school is ridiculous. She needs to grow up, I've told her at least a few times and she needs to learn some respect. I don't know how to do it. But I'm not a doormat either.
    Comfy

    Answer by Comfy at 5:18 AM on Feb. 17, 2010

  • * myheartx4 you've hit the nail on the head!!!! That's exactly what my husband said!!!! I've had to pay my dues and I'm STILL paying them. Being a parent isn't a parttime job. She's got about 15 years to use that GIBill and in the meantime she's missing out on some of the most important parts of being a mommy ~ learning to bond with your infant! I can't do it for her. She just turned 20 and my God she walks around like she's a rockstar. It's horrible. they are so young. they blow through money like it's water. It's so sad. Where's the new washer & dryer unit they're supposed to replace that they broke of mine when they moved in??? I'm never gonna' see it or the money for it. She's really starting to piss me off.
    Comfy

    Answer by Comfy at 5:22 AM on Feb. 17, 2010

  • Beyond all that, I'd never EXPECT ANYONE to watch my children FOR FREE. On the rare occasion I have anyone watch my children they are well-compensated, even if they refuse monetary payment. You don't get things for free, and when you do it's usually not the great deal you thought it was going to be. Why is it that she thinks it's okay to expect me to do this for free? She could have at least OFFERED payment. I'd refuse of course but where's the couth? Where's the integrity? It's sickening.
    Comfy

    Answer by Comfy at 5:25 AM on Feb. 17, 2010

  • not trying to push you, but ... so why are you valuing yourself so low that you don't expect to be compensated. She is treating you like a piece of trash, but expecting you to help raise her child. If you never expect more, you will never receive more. You ( and your hubby) not saying anything, silently accepting this behaviour is telling her it's okay. Maybe (?) she just doesn't know she is being VERY unreasonable. I'd give her an hourly rate comparable to any daycarer, and see how much she dups the kiddo on you then. Your hubby works bloody hard so she can sit back and do Jack S**t, That's wrong.
    myheartx4

    Answer by myheartx4 at 5:32 AM on Feb. 17, 2010

  • I understand where you're coming from. But to be clear I DO value myself worthy enough of compensation. I have far more experience raising children and I'm better at it. I don't want her money to be honest. I'd rather watch the baby when I can, when I want to and know that the baby is getting good care from someone who truly loves him and has an interest in his well-being, compared to some stranger's mother who doesn't know him or care for him. She's got to have a backup plan when her 'free ride' isn't available. And yes, my husband DOES work very hard and he doesn't deserve to come home to a dirty home because she said it would just be a few hours and now it's 8 hours later and I haven't been able to do jack squat because of the baby, and conveniently she won't answer her phone. That won't happen again.
    Comfy

    Answer by Comfy at 5:53 AM on Feb. 17, 2010

  • oh, that's awful, I see what you are saying about the freedom of doing when you want to as opposed to when she demands it. She is a very immature and childish girl who hasn't thought the whole parent thing through, I feel sad for the baby, and for you guys who have to sit by and watch it all, or take on more than your share of responsibility because you don't want an innocent baby to suffer.
    Are her parents around at all?(so the baby's grandparents?) Are there day care facilities available to her?
    I have friend who did a similar thing(- all to save money then she'd go and get takeout or get her nails done grrrr) and in the end my hubby was so unhappy and our house was a shambles and she couldn't have cared less. Funnily enough I just started being busy on the days I knew she would call, and she always found someone else to do it.
    You are a great SIL , I hope one day she recognises that
    myheartx4

    Answer by myheartx4 at 6:04 AM on Feb. 17, 2010

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