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Happy and dissapointed at the same time.

My husband and I have been married for 7 years. We had currently been planning to buy a house in the Florida Keys. (our dream home) so we've been saving and planning for about 2 years now. Last month we found out he had a son that was 11 years old that he knew absolutely nothing about. Said it was from a one night stand with a girl that he met at a club, had sex with her once and then never talked or saw her again. She recently contacted him and told him that she was taking him to court for child support and since he makes a good bit of money, she'll probably get a little over 1100 dollars a month, which means we couldn't afford the house we had planned to get. He met his son for the first time and we are waiting for a DNA test, but our entire life has been shot to hell. We never wanted kids, or mainly the bills that go with them, and now we can't move, nor can we probably afford the house we have now. ... Cont.

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Asked by Anonymous at 11:17 AM on Feb. 17, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (5)
  • I've met him and he's a wonderful child but that did ruin all our plans and everything that we had going for us. So I'm disappointed and upset that I feel like I've lost my husband and I know he wants to be around his son and he should. He's missed out on so much, but he's talking about moving into a house near his sons house and she lives in a horrible neighborhood so I feel like I'm losing out on the lifestyle that we have had. I know that sounds horrible.. but how do I get through this? This whole change and all that we are going through?

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:19 AM on Feb. 17, 2010

  • No offense and i'm not bashing you, but if you really think your house, money and your lifestyle is more important then an 11 year old child, your VERY wrong. Yes, you will have to adjust and comprimise, but thats what having a child is about. If you love your husband, stand by him, get over the objects you are losing and embrace the child you are gaining. Maybe have him try to work out a child support agreement outside of court.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:54 AM on Feb. 17, 2010

  • I wouldn't sweat it until the DNA test comes back and certainly wouldn't pay her a dime until the court says to do it. I'd also buy my dream house. The court will take into consideration things like mortgage payments when determining child support. So you CAN have your cake and eat it too. Tell dad the boy (if it's his) can have his own room in the dream house. That might help him out so he can bond with the child in a good neighborhood. I used to spend summers with my dad (I'm from a divorced family) in great areas and went home to my urban environment with my mom. I learned to be a down to earth person in my mom's neighborhood but was given so many more opportunities in dad's fancy neighborhoods. I think it helped me be a more rounded person that way.

    Answer by admckenzie at 12:19 PM on Feb. 17, 2010

  • I say all bets are off until the DNA is in. Then do what you have to do. I would be crushed if this happened to me and my DH, but what can you do? I think she is totally without class, keeping a child a secret for 11 yrs. What a bitch! Wait to worry. Maybe you will get lucky and the test will disprove he is the father. If he is, it may set you back a bit, but life goes on. Question...if you don't want kids and don't have them or the bills that go with them, what are you doing on a site called cafemom?

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:09 PM on Feb. 17, 2010

  • OP HERE: Anon: 1:09.. I joined this site when I found out he had a child and needed someone to talk to.

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:42 PM on Feb. 17, 2010

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